Sexuality And The Origin Of Daddy Issues

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Introduction

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I doubt there is another best day in the year to write this post. So we be clear, the daddy in the topic above is not the "daddy" in the other room, though the lives of the children is strongly influenced by how their father treat their mother outside that room. Daddy Issues has been thrown around a lot that it gets confusion and most times gender stereotypical. The Psycho-Sexual stages of development developed by Sigmund Freud suggests that daddy issues can be created through certain stage of a child growth and development. Missing a stage or experiencing a 'faulty' development of any of the stages can get the child 'deformed' behaviours relating to that stage in his/her life. The 'deformed' stage or stages explains why some exhibits some unexplainable actions in adulthood. Actions can not are unconsciously routine for other people can become problems for them. Lets take a look at the stages of development of a child and where the famed daddy issues come into the picture.
It must be noted these are not my ideas, they are all conventional wisdom from theory first suggested by Sigmund Freud and not based on diagnosis.

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Oral stage

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This is the stage in babies' lives when all they are affectionate about is their mothers. They find comfort and safety from the 'strange' world around them in their mothers' arms.

But most importantly they find satisfaction and pleasure in their mothers' breasts. As soon the newborns start growing, these satisfactions and pleasures start to dwindle or stop. Babies, now crawling, seek these satisfactions on their own by sticking anything they see around them in their mouths. Babies stuck in the oral stage of not experiencing or deprived of the satisfaction of mothers' breasts and probably fed with supplements are more likely to experience oral fixation. They are likely to depend on their mouth as satisfaction and pleasure center as adults and more likely to drink, smoke, overeat, under-eat, bite their nails, chew gums and so on.

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Anal Stage

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This stage of Sigmund Freud psychosexual development theory is between between that age of one and a half year to three years. As the name suggests, it is a stage where children learn to control their bowels. 'Control' is foreign to children at the beginning of this stage. Like other things, they want to poop anytime and anywhere they have the urge. Then they learn the ability to control their anuses from their parents and the constraints of reality. The realization of their abilities to control some things in their lives is born.

According to Sigmund Freud, how well the toilet training is handled by the parent or guardian determines the creativity and productivity of the child later in life. Adults with faulty training or rebellious during this stage of their lives tend to be messy, sloppy or controlling. They simply become anal-retentives.

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Phallic Stage

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This is the stage between three to six years when children become aware of, focused on and inquisitive about their genital areas, that is the penis and vagina. This is where the birth of daddy issues begin. A boy after realizing he has two most important things in common with his father - The Penis and the love for his mother, develops a competition with his father. He develops 'Castration Anxiety', he starts to fear his father will 'cut' his penis. This is what Freud called Oedipus Complex.

Well, the boy then discovers he can't really 'beat' his father, he instead forms a team with him. If you can't beat him, you join him.

For a girl at this same age range, she finds out the other sex, which her father is representation of, have something (the penis) that she does not have. She realizes she can not possess her mother the way her father does without having a penis. She then develops what is called 'Penis Envy', she enviously desires that 'thing' his father has. She develops Electra Complex. A girl desires to be with her father, initially in sexual way. She later realizes that can not happen, the search for a man to make her complete like her mother did to her father begins.

Both boys and gets always eventually get over their Castration anxiety and penis envy, they end up forming a special bond with their fathers. According to Freud and many studies after, a girl child that is deprived of her father's attention at the phallic stage is more likely to search for the qualities of her father in other men. A girl child with an abusive father may likely desire, find guys with good qualities not desirable and end up with an abusive guy as a partner.

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Latency Stage

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Freud described it as the 'sexually dormant' stage. It occurs between the age of seven to puberty. The Oedipus Complex and Electra Complex start to fade away here. Going to school plays a major role at this stage, as children start to join social groups and cliques at school and playgroups in which fit in, becoming more socially conscious and comfortable. Their minds are suddenly taken away or they get to 'understand' their perverse thoughts. The primitive thoughts and libido are taken away from their parents to friends of the opposite sex in their school, church, playground, clubs and so on.

A child starts understanding moral correctness and reality. And Childhood amnesia that blocks the perverse thoughts and memories starts here.

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Genital Stage

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This last stage is from puberty to adulthood. Here, sexuality is peaked again like the phallic stage. Well, for the majority the sexual interest is in the opposite sex. Unlike the phallic stage, the libido is properly channelleld this time and to the 'right' person. With a heightened sense of morality and responsibility, people become conscious having a long-term mutually satisfactory and healthy relationships.

We feel the need to care for someone we have genuine interest in. Maturity becomes more developed as an individual move from puberty to an adult, he/she becomes more focused on work and love.

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Thanks for reading.

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Images are Copyright Free Pixabay 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

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Simply Psychology -
Psychosexual Stages
Guide to Psychoanalysis theoryFreud's
Stages of Psychosexual Development