The hell of stuttering, what must we know about it (my personal experience)
The early years of every person's life have the power to set up mental models that determine to a great extent the development of the entire life of the individual. In the case of early stuttering, between 2 and 5 years of age, the impact of this syndrome on the life of the developing child is immense, with the cognitive schemas bettered by its presence penetrating deep into the unconscious of the person. The most significant authority in a child's life, which through its own personality characteristics affects the developing individual are usually the parents. Of course, these important figures can be also the employees of the home for orphans, nurses, relatives, etc. An important role in the process of betting on the basic personality styles, traits, characteristics, models of cognitive and affective reactions and interactions are played by the siblings, teachers, educators, friendly environment and others. The issue of parental styles (authoritative, authoritarian, overprotective, negligent, permissive) and personality styles of reaction to them (avoidance, struggle, passivity, assertiveness) are of fundamental importance in the field of psychology and psychotherapy. An underused sphere in developmental psychology is the impact of various mental and somatic illnesses, syndromes, neurotic disorders on the early development of the child and the formation of the mental matrix. My modest opinion is that each disease is a unique and powerful influence ingredient, analogous to the strength and importance of the above-mentioned authoritative figures. Stuttering usually occurs between the ages of 2-5 years. Speech in human life has an immense importance in every sphere of social life. Blocking in the early years of stuttering is experienced by the child unconscious as a result of the presence of a powerful authority, a real essence - his speech defect. This authority is always there - he is cruelly inexorable, heartlessly injuring him daily and hourly, cruelly playing with the personality of the little man. This authority is unpredictable - it appears and disappears suddenly, can not be trusted, can not rely on his friendship - he is inexorably hard-hearted. The presence of stuttering in the early years of the child creates in the developing individual a vast cluster of deeply engraved unconscious psycho-emotional (cognitive - affective) schemes - mental unconscious patterns, matrices that subtropically conduct the destiny of the stuttering person.
Negativism / Pessimism
Often the prolonged effect of stuttering on the whole life of the person leads to the establishment of a lasting pessimistic mental attitude and vision of the life and circumstances under the gray glasses of negativism. The mocker is constantly experiencing the pain of his inability to express himself in a society entirely dependent on verbalism. The stutter is in constant contact with the disappointment of himself, the conflict between his natural desire to pour a beautiful, clear and timely flow of his thought and his inability to do so, with the guilt of being insufficiently strong and able to rule your verbalism. The stutter is experiencing daily dissatisfaction with the imperfection of the social role imposed by his problem, the objective problems that this role creates, and the inner psycho-subjective traumas that his role is causing him. The stutter feels permanently in error (where am I wrong to stutter, where am I mistaken in my efforts to overcome my stuttering?), Betrayed by fate tormented by relentless stuttering. Since betting on these schemes occurs in the early years when the presence of stuttering is most often triggered in the life of its bearer, the depth of penetration of the mental installs in the unconscious part of man's psyche is enormous. The child does not have the self-consciousness and the ability to self-control the adult. The little stuttering person does not have the ability to transform the sting of his stuttering. His psyche is like untreated unpainted clay in the hands of the cruel, evil, authoritarian potter - stuttering, crushingly depressing the child's consciousness and intermingling in the very foundation of his frail consciousness the lead psychic components of fear, shame and guilt - the guilt of what you are , the fault of the inability to change the situation, the guilt of his weakness, the guilt of his incompetence ... These processes lead to the formation of a deeply pessimistic complex, which is subsequently projected into the a round of spheres from the life of a mature stuttering individual: professional activity, finance, interpersonal relationships, etc. Pessimism is the unconscious perception of the world through the black inner psychic glasses of failure, the inordinate fear of making mistakes that would lead to emotional collapse, loss, humiliation, falling into a bad situation ... The cognitive scheme of pessimism and negativity reflects emotionally in chronic anxiety , over-vigilance (stemming from stuttering behavior and the role of stuttering) and indecision. Decapittivally conscious rule maintained by the stuttering: I must constantly be alert so that this terrible life will not crush me!
Emotional suppression and emotional deprivation
The stuttering individual strives to control his speech in any way, to avoid stuttering moments, or to remain silent in most of the situations, or by replacing his words - the price he pays for this is the enormous internal tension that is accrued by the constant blocking of his natural expression. His silence leads to the formation of a really painful emotional volcano of unspoken impulses. The stutter amplifies his inner emotional tension to the extent that he fails to accept himself as a stammer and attaches himself to the false imaginary image of a fluent speaker. The mocker feels frantic fear of losing control of things, and because his perfectionism is constantly collapsing in connection with his speech, he is in a continuous situation of internal conflict, most often rescued from speech-avoidance behavior - and this behavior leads to an explosive accumulation of unspoken verbal effects. Outwardly, through the eyes of an unprepared spectator, a strange observer unknowingly aware of this heavy burden, the stuttering man seems to be normal, calm, and perhaps only somewhat rigid in his actions and appearances. Behind this seeming idyll, however, lies the cruel tension literally burning within the person of the stuttering individual. Tension accumulated by the unrelenting anger and aggression that turns into the autoaggressive guilt, a strain of suppression of positive feelings such as joy, sexuality, spontaneity and playfulness, which makes them turn into sad pain by the lack of sharing of feelings and needs. The years of experiencing the relationship between the unacceptable and the hated "all-powerful and deprived of all authoritarian master - my stuttering" and the falsely maintained mental role of a fluent individual (despite the objective reality) is projected as the expectation that our desires for a normal degree of emotional support to be adequately addressed by others. The mocking, often unconscious, sincerely believes that he is deprived of the attention, empathy, warmth, friendship, understanding, listening, support and reciprocity of others. In the vast majority of objective cases, however, this belief is largely due solely to the projection of his own emotional suppression, created by dissociation, the rejection of his problem. Deadspactively conscious rule maintained by the stuttering: I am small and insignificant and I have no right to intrude on anything else. I have to suppress my feelings and do a lot of work to please people!
Social isolation / expropriation
As a result of the above-mentioned cognitive schemes present in the stuttering, he often feels the subjective feeling that he is alone that he is devoid of normal full-fledged communication and contacts. It is possible that the real life situation of a particular stammer is actually one. The reason for such a situation here is, however, not in the "bad others", but in the beliefs of defectiveness, shame, fear, guilt, perfectionism, emotional oppression and pessimism of the stuttering - cognitive matrices that prevent him from adequately engaging in the group and social life. Only the awareness of the deeply engraved mental models caused by the non-acceptance and struggle with stuttering and the cessation of this struggle, the transformation into self-acceptance and self-tolerance would free the mental energy conceived in the complexes, and whether the stuttering person can freely and creatively live his life.
Rare Standards (Perfectionism) / Hypercritical
When the fragile psyche of the child realizes that it is different from other children and fails to speak like them, it begins unconsciously to seek to do everything possible to satisfy the demands posed by the difficulties in his speech. It experiences itself as being different from other children, striving to be like them and making efforts to speak like them. The blocks of his stuttering are mentally internalized as an overwhelming demanding ruthless authority, an authoritarian inexorable authority whose requirements must be covered at all costs. The child tries to be strong, to fight his blocks but fails. It embodies the unconscious rule that one should strive to live according to extremely high internalized standards, behavior and presentation to others, usually to avoid their criticism. The child is formed the understanding that it is not good enough and perfect and therefore stuttering. It begins to strive for perfectionism, to present itself as best as possible. At the core of this quest is his desire to speak well - a desire that is rarely satisfied, but which, driven by the internalized cruel authority of his stuttering, is designed as a perfectionism in every life sphere, ruthlessly high standards and supercriticalism toward himself and others, in rigid rules and "must" in many spheres of life. This unconscious scheme of perfectionism leads to significant dysfunctions in: experiencing pleasure, the ability to relax and spontaneity, self-esteem, the sense of satisfaction in achievements, the establishment of harmonious ties.
Punishment
In psychology, the axiom of "identification with the aggressor" exists. The victim of an aggressor intro- duces his behavior and unconsciously identifies with him. The searcher is a long-time victim of his cruel and heartless aggressor: stuttering. An aggressor who does not accept any requests does not care at least about the grief, intra-psychic, social, and interpersonal difficulties that he causes to his victim. Stinging is a merciless oppressor, an undisciplined tyrant who does not give in to the greatest pain and suffering caused by him to his victim - the stuttering man. During years of painful emotional oppression, negativity and perfectionism, the bearer of disfluent speech unconsciously identifies himself with his aggressor and becomes the bearer of his qualities. For many of the stammers, there is a conscious or unconscious belief that they themselves, as well as people, must be severely punished when they are wrong. The years of severely afflicted oppression and the psychological complexes and conflicts it has created are projected as a tendency to anger, intolerance, cruelty and impatience towards those (including ones) who fail to fit into expectations and standards (which are unrealistically high). It usually involves making it difficult to forgive own and other mistakes because of unwillingness to take into account objective justifiable circumstances and inability to empathize. Often, in the stuttering, there is cruelty both to himself and to others. A cruelty, of course cleverly concealed behind the role mask over the unresolved emotional conflict. Deadspactively conscious rule supported by the stutter: Nobody has the right to make mistakes. If a person fails, he must be severely punished! The four below schematics belong to the domain "Dedication and rejection." "One expects that his needs for security, security, stability, care, empathy, emotional well-being, acceptance and respect will not be satisfied in a natural way. The individual comes from a family with a predominant atmosphere of distancing, coldness, rejection, emotional restraint, loneliness, unpredictability, explosiveness, abuse (negligent - abusive parental style - order). / Jeffrey Young / In a stuttering individual, the atmosphere of unpredictability, abuse and disregard is created by the authority of stuttering.
Mistrust / Abuse
The "I" and "my stammer" dichotomy is formed in the stuttering from his earliest years, as the one in the mind of the stutter is different from the image of a stuttering individual, excludes stuttering from self-expressions and seeks to dissociate "my stammer" as much as possible - Far away. The more the stutter manages to dissociate his stuttering (in the unconscious part of his psyche) from the perception of himself, that is, the more he fights against him and does not accept himself as a stammer but maintains in himself the imaginary self-expression of a fluent individual- stuttering grows and attacks the person from his invulnerable unconscious position of a repressed unacceptable psychic complex. Thus, the encapsulated in the long-term memory of the stuttering psychic complex "stammering" is experienced by him as a real intrapsychic authority, relentlessly abusive in his psyche and his life. The mocker internalizes in his conscious stuttering the image of a strong tyrant who can not be relied on, who suddenly and unpredictably interferes with his life and abuses the so appreciated in society. Consciously or not, the stutter experiences his stuttering as a totalitarian, all-powerful lord who abuses him, humiliates him in front of his own perception of perfection and his strong dependence on public opinion (what will people say?), Cheats his hopes of perfect performance in society the built image of a fluent individual, lying his hopes of success, manipulating it and controlling his life roughly by enjoying the failures he causes. This mental (mood) scheme of "mistrust and abuse" is projected into social relationships as the feeling that others harm us deliberately or that we are the victim of undeserved neglect. The searcher often has the deep conviction that he is always deceitful and that luck is never on his side.
Defectiveness / Shame
Failure to accept the actual image and role of a stuttering individual, their struggle, resistance and dissociation as shameful and undesirable cause the stuttering subjective feeling to be defective, poor, unwanted, inferior or detrimental to important things; the feeling that in your contacts with the "significant others" will be repulsive. The stutter is over-critical to criticism, rejection, and accusation, as every manifestation of these actions suddenly triggers his sense of defect and shame. The striker constantly compares with others and is uncertain about their presence (team, company, etc.), because he reaffirms his belief in defectiveness (and in fact is simply neutral). The stutter has a great shame from his stuttering, ashamed of what he is. This shame is an expression of his fear, caused by not accepting himself in the current light as a stuttering individual. This fear is projected into communicating with others as fear of their feedback - not accepting them. In fact, the vast majority of the shame experienced is precisely due to the cognitive defect scheme, the fear of others' opinion being just its projection.
Failure
Perfectionism and stoning standards make him accept his speech-specific stammer as a failure! The sense of failure experienced in this way in the inevitable episodes of stuttering has the property of being set as a sustained unconscious psychic component - a complex, cognitive scheme that follows the natural process of projection in everyday life is manifested as a fear of failure in most areas of life: relationships, contacts, intimacy, etc. The reason for the subjective sense of failure is the failure of the constant unsuccessful attempts to control speech function, dictated by the perfectionism of the stuttering, which in turn is caused by the struggle with stuttering.
Search for approval and recognition (What people will say!)
Man is a collective being. In terms of social interactions, obtaining feedback and seeking an adequate one are normal products of social contacts. However, when the search for the approval and recognition of people becomes excessive, and the desire to fit into standards at the expense of the development of a secure and real relationship with itself prevails, such an aspiration becomes a pathology. The cognitive cognitive schemes of shame, failure, social isolation, and emotional deprivation imply the development of the "What people will say!" The self-perception of the stuttering often depends on the reactions of others instead of his own judgments. Quite often, the stuttering under the influence of the ruler of his problem loses faith in himself, transferring the core of his psychic support to seeking approval and recognition from others, which replaces his own self-acceptance, recognition, and faith in himself.
hey, i like the things you post about, i like your comments , and you like abigail dantes so i think we should be "friends" too ! ;-)
:P
You don't remember me but i wrote a comment to you before two or three months ago about your short animation that you try to do :) And you promised me you will tell me when it's ready, so I'm still waiting for it :D
oh, then that's why your face was so familiar !! :-D
i did a mini version of "animation" have you seen that ?
i got myself into a more serious project , ( with deadline) so i have a lot of painting to do, no time to messing around with animation... i am happy to find time for a quick gif !
:-)
ps- now i know we meant to be friends ! :-)
also, you should come by more often and comment... i would have remembered you easier ! ;-) see, all your fault ! :-D
Of course it is my fault :D
Well, when I see what you share, I always see it as a piece of some long story and if I write to you it will be a short story :D You see, I don't remember you from you profile picture, because you change it, but when I see your drawings I remember all that we talked about. You have a good style. :)
Good luck with your new project. Hope you don't have any problems and creative pressure from the deadine :)
YESSSS !!! thanks for this
You are welcome :)
This post has received gratitude of 14.58 % from @appreciator thanks to: @godflesh.