My Five Minute Life #9 : Harboring a Grudge? Oh, Grow Up, Why Don't Ya?
It is Tuesday, so in my world, that means today is the day I must stay after school for meetings. Tuesdays always bring me anxiety. Folks tell me I must be brave to teach 8th graders. I tell them they must have never been to a faculty meeting. The 8th graders are cake...
At my school, teachers meet once a week to discuss relevant issues such as curriculum, discipline, and scheduling. You know, the basic teacher talk. The thirty minute meeting is held by subject area so each teacher finds their colleagues and gathers together at a table in the library.
Much of the thirty minutes is spent discussing data. We are to study the numbers generated from tests and determine what concepts were missed so we can reteach. Sounds simple, eh? Unfortunately, most of the tests nowadays come from third party testing companies and so we teachers have no idea what questions are even asked on the test. It kind of makes it hard to visualize the data. Besides, many of us have a tough time seeing students as data points at all. More often than not, these thirty minute meetings become a battle of ideology.
Unfortunately, these conflicts sometimes leads to hard feelings among colleagues. I have one particular colleague that fits this description, perfectly. Years ago, we butted heads. Words were said. Feelings were hurt. We never spoke again. It has just become a common understanding that we two teachers don't talk. We don't sit near each other. We don't go to the same functions. We simply coexist, essentially invisible to each other. We have been like this for years.
Today, we ended up alone together at our PLC table. The rest of our department, literally, was absent. When I first sat down at the empty table, I realized I may be the only person at my meeting. But, moments later, I saw my silent colleague approaching. It would be just the two of us at the meeting and it was apparent that both of us were a bit concerned.
As I glanced around the room, I could tell from the groups of teachers, sitting at their own tables surrounding us, that they were concerned, too. Some actually looked amused. I think a few were hoping to see an argument. I said a quick prayer and decided to act like an adult instead. Fortunately, my colleague did as well and the meeting went off smooth and without a hitch. I think we may have disappointed a few in the room who hoped for an entertaining distraction from the data. I made eye contact with a few and gave them the same look I give an eighth grader when they jump up and smack an exit sign as they walk down the hall. You know, the infamous "Oh. Grow up, why don't ya?" look. Yea. I shot a few of those looks around that faculty meeting today.
Truth is, we all immerse ourselves in drama and negativity from time to time. I am guilty of this, for sure. After sitting at the table with this colleague, communicating normally, for thirty minutes, I wondered to myself, Why have I given this person the silent treatment for two years? Did I really lose out on two years of a relationship out of sheer spite?
Come to think of it, I should have said the same to myself years ago: "Oh, Grow up, why don't ya?"
"Resentment , also called ranklement or bitterness, is a mixture of disappointment, anger, and fear. It comprises the three basic emotions of disgust, sadness and surprise—the perception of injustice."
That is a mouthful right there and a definition all folks should take a moment to mull over, from time to time. I know I often fall into resentment. It was certainly resentment that kept that silent treatment going for over two years. Thinking back to our initial argument, what I felt most was sadness. I once considered this colleague a friend and so when we disagreed, I did feel sadness. Unfortunately, like many, I chose to funnel that sadness into bitterness. That is never a good road to take.
"The human emotion of resentment is one of the most futile and destructive emotions, more a reflection of inner needs than outer circumstance. Many people spend more time dwelling on the wrongs supposedly done to them than on the wrongs they have done to others." Psychology Today
That passage strikes a chord because as a believer in our Lord Jesus Christ, I should not be channeling bitterness or dwelling on how I have been wronged. I should have realized that my silent treatment was in fact a form of a weapon and by ignoring this person, I committed a wrong, myself. This just reinforced their resentment. It was a never ending circle of destructive emotions.
Scripture offers us much advice:
"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" Hebrews 12:14-15 .
Dear Lord, hear me and soothe my troubled heart. You know I am troubled by thoughts and feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness. You also know why. You know how deep the hurt goes and how long I have lived with it. But I don’t want to live with it any longer. I don’t want to be an angry, resentful and bitter person. With Your help, I release my anger into Your hands. I surrender my resentment. I let go of my bitterness.In Jesus name. Amen
Today was an important day for me. I know the Lord decided it was time for me to lay down this trouble and mend a broken bridge. Each test is a testimony. Today, my spiritual data got a benchmark check! Amen!
Do you have a person that you harbor resentment towards? How might you mend your broken bridges? What scripture helps you cope with bitterness? Feel free to share in the comment below!
Blessings,
Gator
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