I like that you talk about family dynamics and you know Alfred Adler (!) :)

As much as we can thank Freud and what was developed from his findings I think we also can learn a lot from the systemicists about childhood in the context of family dynamics. The role of the child and the order in which it is born can be taken to the advantage of the later adult.

Do you know the expression "I can reinvent my childhood"? The reframing-techniques point to the encouragement of the adult and also look at the situations and circumstances back then to find examples and to make the person aware of all the occasions the child was encouraged by its parents and other adults.

The fact that someone is first born has as many advantages as disadvantages, just as with the children who are in the middle or born last. The sequence and order in which one is born is therefore not considered in the form of the disadvantages but of the resources and abilities that are specifically addressed for this person who is looking at himself. With regard to the firstborn, one could say: "You have experienced early on that you are not the centre of the world. Which is a very significant experience! Unlike your younger sister, who probably has more trouble grasping this reality."

Then perhaps the systemicist would ask: Which insights and scenes considered valuable in which you have taken responsibility for your younger sibling come to mind? What was good about it and who reacted how?

I remember my son saying something like "I will throw the baby from the balcony" after he was told that he is going to have a brother (my Ex became second time a father). I had to kind of swallow my reaction not finding it "horrible" but seeing his reaction as totally normal considering the circumstances and happenings in his life.

Thank you for giving that example, I think it's of great value to discuss this.