Thank you, Abi, you put some good additions to this. I would call it the "helper syndrome" which does stretch itself not only between two people but as well between nations resp. cultures - it can be found in systems on a broader scale.

I learned only later in life, that helping does not mean to confuse the despair of another with my own and that I don't have to crack my mind and break my heart in looking for solutions. Don't know if I mentioned it already but my teacher once said to me, the moment I get exhausted and all caught up in a persons case that I ignore the persons own resources and abilities to find a way out of his misery. Let the client do his work.

I simply have to ask the other. That shows my trust in his ability to come up with own solutions. And who am I to know it better anyway? ;-)

The surprise you mention (thank you, that is such a fine example) to have crossed a border can be so embarrassing to a person. But even though it is a needed reaction and mostly people keep that in mind when a counter reaction was strong enough to show that there is a difference between pity and empathy. Once in a while we all need to be "disturbed" when the line was being crossed.

Will you get to see your family on Christmas?
Bye, dear Abi. Have a good evening:)