Life With ADHD - Concentrating by UN-Concentrating, and Other Stories of Coping
I'll be the first to admit that I am not fond of society's many diagnoses for this and that... and especially when it comes to mental health. To be honest, I think we "medicalize" far too many things that simply used to be part of the ordinary spectrum of human experience.
That said, I am also somewhat of a subscriber to the idea that "if the shoe fits," there might at least be something there to learn. So I try to pay attention and pick up anything useful.
Odds are the term "ADHD" is at least somewhat familiar to you, whether you have first-hand experience with it, or not. I've had more truck with it than I typically care to think about-- but here's a small slice of my life.
Not Exactly ADHD
The full phrase for ADHD is "Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder."
Hot pink spring flowers
Now, without getting too wrapped up in the "disorder" part, I never paid much attention to this thing because I am definitely NOT "hyperactive," by any stretch of the imagination. It's for this reason I also managed to skate through school without being diagnosed-- I was never fidgety and disruptive; just "dreamy" and tending to fall asleep.
When I think about it, I also really don't have an "attention" deficit-- in fact, I am very good at paying attention. What I have feels more like a concentration deficit.
That particular characterization is more common among people like me... who fit the "inattentive variant" of this particular affliction. However, I started my studies long before such a definition even existed.
Whenever I have to REALLY concentrate, something strange happens.
Apple Blossoms
I have been watching myself for a long time-- as a result of many years of practicing meditation-- and so I am pretty familiar with my mind and body states. Specifically, I am good at "observing mental states" and being aware of subtle changes in my mental acuity.
When I find that I "have to" concentrate on something, I can actually feel my body actually shutting down. I can feel brain chemistry (neurotransmitters) going to work... and eight to ten minutes later, my brain and body have received the message that I "have not slept in about four days."
Which, of course, is not true.
Zen view at sunset
What's also noteworthy here is that the degree to which I want to sleep is far more intense than merely feeling sleepy and ready for bed at night. It's almost as if I have been drugged. Which, in a sense, I have... as this is basically a "false transmission" of neurotransmitters.
In a neurotypical brain, the result of needing to concentrate would be a small shot of adrenaline perhaps with a side of dopamine, which heightens our senses and makes us able to perform-- however briefly-- at an elevated level. Think of the anxiety/excitement you perhaps have felt before an exam, even if you were extremely well prepared.
But my brain chemistry is mixed up, and instead my brain gets a message that says SLEEP!! NOW!! Almost like my neural net dispensed the wrong chemical.
Needless to Say, That can be Awkward!
I am not big on doctors and living my life through various pharmaceuticals of dubious efficacy.
Detail of veins in a leaf
Once I fully understood-- in my 30's-- that something was not quite right, I tried to learn everything I possibly could about this situation. I learned my triggering situations, and how to "lie to my brain" about what was going on.
Then I started managing this "strangeness" in such a way it doesn't significantly impair my world. We tend to think of things like this as being "for experts," but in most cases WE are the foremost experts on ourselves. It also explains why my life "looks a little different" from most people's.
As those of you who know me well are aware, I have two online eBay based businesses. I am also an avid blogger, including here on Steemit. Last but not least, I am an artist... generally creating small (but complex) pieces of art.
These things all have something in common:
Short Duration
Evening view from our back deck
It takes me about 5-6 minutes to photograph the items for an eBay listing. It takes me about 6-8 minutes to create the listing, itself. It takes me about 3-5 minutes to read a post on Steemit and make a meaningful comment. It takes me about 4-5 minutes to finish one "color" on one of my painted mandala stones before setting it aside to dry. Although it takes much longer to write one of these "long form" blog posts, it takes about 6-8 minutes to write a paragraph/subsection... and then move onto something else.
What does that have to do with anything?
What I am telling you is that I can do one of these things and then get up and "task switch" before one of my "sleep attacks" sets in. And yes-- in case you were curious-- I have been tested for narcolepsy and a battery of other sleep disorders!
There is no such thing as "a day's work" in my world. There is "a day" made up of 100-200 separate and distinct tasks, each of which have a beginning, middle and end.
"What a hassle!" you might be thinking, "why don't you just get some medical help?"
Truthfully? If we were hanging out, odds are you would not even notice anything "unusual" about me! I have 30 years' "experience" living life like this.
The Helping Effect of Music
Although it has not been studied extensively, certain types of music can greatly help my concentration, and seems to boost the duration of my "micro bursts" of activity.
At the heart of a flower
I listen to a lot of progressive trance and house which have in common a very set and specific rhythm (counted as bpm/beats per minute-- typically 125-135), which somehow seems to act as an "interrupt," especially when I am writing.
I expect the influence is similar-- from a physiological standpoint-- to the way shamans use very specific drumming patterns for their spirit journeys.
It might sound like it would be really "frenetic techno" sounding-- actually far from it; much of it is quite peaceful and melodic. And somehow, it helps me concentrate without sending me off to sleep.
So there you have it! That's the end of a small but strange trip down one of my personal rabbit holes!
How about YOU? Do you live with ADHD? Are you familiar with the "inattentive" version of ADHD? Are you getting any sort of treatment-- or are you self-managing? In either case, have you found a way to make life work for you? Have you ever heard of something called "Sluggish Cognitive Tempo (SCT)?" Have you ever thought of ADHD as actually being a Concentration Deficit issue? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
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Created at 180120 23:44 PST
Oh wow. I have to admit this condition sounds almost a bit funny at first (concentration putting you to sleep due to errors in translation.. :)) but it's amazing what you made of it.
I'm like you - I don't like medicating and I don't like labels - especially ADHD - it's such a broad term and fits almost everyone today.
What if ADHD is part of evolution and the new normal? What if other senses are heightened while concentration goes down? What if the new kids simply are too smart and evolved and know better than to follow orders at school and concentrate and do as they're told? I am convinced that most of the diagnosed children are highly evolved in consciousness and intuition and instead of recognizing that, our society diagnoses them.
Anyway I love how you have dealt with this challenge - it seems to have made you super creative in how to structure and manage your time and tasks - or maybe you just intuitively follow your inner guidance on when to start and stop doing something. It's not a surprise you are self-employed - you wouldn't fit into a 9-5 environment. Neither do I.
I sometimes feel "what's wrong with me" when I can't concentrate, but I still get everything done - just not at the time I wanted do. My brain doesn't send me to sleep :) but it seems to release a chemical that resists any kind of authority - including my own :)
It is a very weird state of affairs, and most people in my shoes would go to some doctor and be diagnosed with narcolepsy, get some medication, be "wired as hell" and still not be any better.
Theoretical research suggests that I may have an autoimmune condition that affects the part of the brain that regulates sleep... that is, I may be producing antibodies against trib-2, a protein that normally regulates the enzyme hypocretin, which regulates sleep. In essence, in some situations I just get "the wrong message."
Simply understanding what is going on is as good as half the cure.
Like you, I'm not sure I need a "cure;" I simply process input in little short "chunks." If you've ever read about NLP, you might be familiar with the term "chunk size" referring to how our brains process information. Some people "chunk small," some people "chunk big." My brain looks at, and processes, lots of little tiny pieces of information in sequence. For me, "an hour" = 60 minutes. For other people "an hour" = 1/24th day... if that makes sense.
I headed for self-employment in the late 1990s because I discovered I would tend to fall asleep during meetings when I worked in IT. The 9-5 thing did not work. So I went looking for-- and then created-- a lifestyle that simply works around how I work.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment-- off to check out your content!
The thing about society they like to tell everyone there is something wrong with them and they for the right price have the cure. Even when not there still are sugar pills to sell!
That is why I stop going long time ago. If I drop dead tomorrow it won’t be form opening a massive doctor’s bill that was not paid for what every greedy conglomerate of an insurance company that decided they are not covering things.
I just think some people really like shiny things like fish swimming in the water. I prefer mountains but to each their own.
For me, this boils down to a very long commentary I'll spare you: FEAR SELLS.
If you look across pretty much every aspect of our lives, the free-market enterprise system is driven by a variation of fear-- fear of illness, fear of death, fear of embarrassment, fear of failure, fear of pretty much anything you can think of. As long as you can keep the population anxious and fearful, they are susceptible to be marketed to... in the form of "safety." Sugar pills, or otherwise. What's the insurance business? The "cure" to the fear of medical bankruptcy. We consume because we're afraid.
Of course, to keep the machine running, we have to keep inventing new fears... which amounts to the medicalization of everything, including quite normal things people have been quietly dealing with for millennia. Have a hangnail? Ooops... let's turn that into a "syndrome." Now you're suddenly afraid that what WAS "somewhat uncomfortable" will instead make your foot fall off.
I happen to have a little short span of attention, and a brain that struggles a bit because some of my internal "wiring" is a little funky. So what? Some people have size 15 feet-- that doesn't make them ILL.
Yes, I have been diagnosed with a form of ADD. It's hard to concentrate at all. Just reading things can be extremely difficult. I remember it started when I was a freshman in HS. All of the sudden it came when I was in Math class looking at the greater than less than sign... < >. I couldn't look at it without my mind just going to blank. Very strange. That was the first time and it got worse throughout my Life.
I got through College but had to really concentrate because my Mind would blank out. I have learned to cope with it. I got prescribed adderall back in 2004 and that was just like speed, So got off it quick.
Mindfulness has helped along with Meditation for me as well throughout my adult life. Anyway, thanks for your post and I can relate on some level.
It's really amazing how much you can accomplish with meditation and mindfulness. And it's FREE, doesn't contain chemicals and doesn't require the assistance of a "qualified medical professional."
Our daughter (now 26) was on adderall for a while and it helped her some through college... but as you say, it's basically legally sanctioned speed. She actually functions better smoking a bit of weed now and then...
nice post there. as an ex student of psychology I cant agree more the point where you said we medicalize way too much. I was falsely diagnosed with anxiety in high school whereas after five years now when I think about it, I simply do my tasks faster than normal people. They could have simply called it over efficiency rather than putting me on stupid pills.
about you, do check what is MELATONIN (it is a natural pill that helps you sleep. Rest you have got a serene thinking with a well engineered mind. Not everything is suppose to fit in small pre-exisiting boxes. Same goes for you. Kudos.
p.s, loved the pictures you have shot especially the apple flower one.
"Don't even get me started" on the many ways we take some perfectly ordinary part of living and somehow turn it into a "syndrome." Exactly to whose benefit are all these ailments, anyway? Certainly not to the patient.
Clearly, your experience of life is similar, and yet different... but you're perfectly capable of functioning.
I have actually played a little with melatonin in the past, but it didn't make a great deal of difference even though the quality my sleep improved.
hahaaha. your "dont even get me started" cheered me up. I cn be as paranoid as possible to prove what you just said. Can agree more.
I was unaware of this terminology before reading your post, After reading your post i realized that may be i have few symptoms of Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It is so common to think that you have a same problem after reading about some disease. But some time i feel I easily get distracted, doesn't pay attention and do mistakes in my work. Frankly speaking your writing skills show you don't have any issue like AHDD. Cheers
For the most part I do pretty OK. Simple awareness can go a long way towards addressing any learning challenges we have... we step outside the paradigm that we are "supposed to be" a certain way, and instead make peace with the fact that we ARE a somewhat different way.
Agreed.
When you really concentrate @denmarkguy beautiful things really happen!
Definitely true when I manage to stay with it for more than a few minutes!
That's pretty cool to know thanks for the tips by the way, have a nice..
All flower pic so beautiful. Thanks nice flower photo shareing
good post, I like your post ..
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good one. great writen