Introduction

Well, I was at a party, as there was a New Year's Eve and my friend's birthday the same time. There were like 11 people there... and me, which is 12 in total. I, as a social anxiety person, see that kind of situations a bit different than the others. And here I will tell you a bit, how is it for me to stay in places/parties/situations like this.

Social anxiety? What is that?

Social anxiety may be defined as nervousness in social situations. Individuals higher in social anxiety avert their gazes, show fewer facial expressions and show difficulty with initiating and maintaining conversations. To be able to start and keep a conversation, people like me needs a motivate preparation or something that may help, like indivitual rituals. For example there is one thing that helps me a bit to start a conversation. It is not like 100% working, but helps me a bit, especially before parties like that. I am listening hours of my favourite music. It helps me to stay calmed for enough time to start a conversation. And then it is just a lotery, if a person I started to talk to is a good conversation keeper, or not. If I started to talk to a person who, as me, has problems to keep the conversation, I will probably end up waiting someone starting another one with me... well, I feel really nervous in social situations, even if that is just a small talk. In a short:

How is it to live with social anxiety?

Well, most of people thinks I am just bored and that I do not want to have their company. It is not like that, but I prefer kind of different company than they expect me to. They would like me to drink alcohol, talk to them all night, play board games and keep the conversations with everyone, when for me a good company is sitting in one room with a small group of people (like 3 [me + 2] is max for me) in silence, watching a movie together or listening to music, or something like that. Like, avoiding this all "social stuff" like talking, asking me questions about myself and stuff. That would be a perfect situation for me. But there is always something, that makes me feel nervous, when people are around. Always someone starts to talk about something, or asks me something, or asks me to do something.
Well, in a big short, as I promised to my friend this post will not be as long as previous ones, living with a social anxiety can be described like that:

Imagine, how are you feeling, when you are about to perform in a front of an audience as big as for example America's Got Talent. Millions of people will see your performance live. This stress, nervousness that is with you at this moment is not leaving me when I am in a social situation, even if it is just going to shop and ordering a loaf of bread or talking to someone... or any other social situation, even the smallest one.

Epilogue

Here I will finish this post. It was another post, where I am trying to introduce myself a bit to you. I hope you understood, what I tried to tell you. I wish people will notice, that people with a social anxiety disorder are not weird and it is not like they are bored and do not want their friends to keep them company. It is just about how we feel in any social situation. Even when we are trying to fight it, it isn't easy. Please, forgive us. Thank you.

Sincerely,
S.D.