Forgiving Yourself: An Essential Tool to Recovery
Letting go of past mistakes is a MAJOR component to self-improvement
Whoever says they have no regrets in life is probably lying. I mean, just look at the cryptocurrency market and tell me anyone in their right mind doesn't have a slight bit of regret for not getting into it sooner.
We all have regrets. We all have things in life that we wish we had done differently, or perhaps hadn't done at all.
That one time you didn't follow through with the plan to do something. That one moment where you thought about telling the person you were attracted to how you felt...but didn't. The moment where you said something in the heat of the moment to a loved one, only to instantly wish you hadn't said it.
Personally, I don't think it's possible to live life without having regrets or things that we wish we had done differently.
It is possible to immediately forgive yourself and let go of those regrets, however
No human is perfect. We are bound to make mistakes within our lives, and likely on a daily basis. The key is to forgive yourself for those moments by acknowledging them, learning from them, and then...letting go!
A part of ourselves is attached to our regret. We make meaning from it, spin lavish tales of how defeated we are, how we almost had everything in life and then failed miserably.
Forgiving yourself is difficult, but powerful beyond words
I'll admit, there are plenty of things in my life I've experienced regret about. Many of these things are centered around instances where I procrastinated and never accomplished the task or goal I set out to do. Instead of having the memory of following through, I have the recollection of not succeeding.
I also have dealt with a lot of shame from working at a job that went in complete opposition to my values and morals. To say that I've felt like a complete hypocrite from this experience would be an understatement.
But I quit the job. I moved on to things that were more in line with my values and beliefs. And still, the shame and guilt has remained.
It wasn't until recently that I realized how detrimental this feeling has been to my overall sense of self. A part of me felt as though I did not deserve to be forgiven, and that I need to pay penance by feeling like a hypocritical asshole for all of eternity.
What a total waste!
When we fill our head with shame and regret, we leave little room for new experiences and new opportunities to become the person we know we are capable of becoming. Not only are we suffering from past actions, but we are restricting ourselves from ever creating the moments that will allow us to move on from the past. In effect, by not moving on from regrets, we are creating a negative feedback loop that reinforces our guilt and shame.
Forgiving yourself (and meaning it!) allows you to let go of those regrets, once and for all. View the event as a learning experience, a way to grow, but then drop every other negative emotional component of it.
Self-forgiveness doesn't mean you are unaccountable to your actions. It doesn't excuse immoral acts or self-destructive behaviors. Owning up to past indiscretions is an important aspect of the recovery process. This may also mean apologizing or making amends to others we have harmed.
But we must also forgive and release ourselves from this event if we are to continue to grow and thrive as human beings. Focusing on the past is ultimately as destructive as the original event that created the regret.
All uncredited pictures from the pixabay.com
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