What's in the Box? What really holds us back?

in psychology •  2 years ago

Why do we wreck ourselves?

Self sabotage often raises its ugly head when a new idea that we're trying to put into action hits the self-image head on!

Colin Porter thinking outside of the box
CP. All rights reserved.

Our Self image is not our fashion sense or our style of clothing. It is our concept of who we are. I tend to look at this "Self Image" as being an empty BOX that we are handed at birth. In our younger years the people that were there to help us grow and develop, added their own little hints and tips along with their ideas about how life should be, to that BOX.

Step forward a few years to the time when we've had a few more experiences of the outside world, not excluding of course how people react to us or how people treat us and these references soon culminate in what we perceive to be,our value in society, and also get placed firmly into that BOX.

In a relatively short time we have amassed what we believe to be our concept of who we are, or what Maxwell Maltz calls the Self Image. In other words, we now have what I refer to as "THE Normal BOX". The BOX that contains all of the inner references of what we "normally" do In any given situation along with our likes, our dislikes, the things we do for enjoyment and the things that we avoid because they scare the shit out of us.

What are the chances of doing something that we don't "normally" do?

For most people the answer would be "Highly unlikely"

However these actions are unfortunately only caused by a lack of awareness. We often recoil from the thing that we genuinely want to do because THE BOX shouts "STOP!"

It then assures us in no uncertain terms that..."this isn't who we are, it's beyond our capability" and reinforces this idea by sending a generous dose of anxiety flooding through the body.

As Bob Proctor says "If a goal doesn't scare and excite you at the same time, It wont give you any form of personal growth."

Remember that we mentioned "references"?

Lets really think about what is happening here! Realistically what the BOX is saying, in truth is, "We don't have an internal reference that tells us that this new situation is safe."

The Irony though is that by stepping out, embracing the fear and doing the thing that we want to do, we automatically put that new reference into THE BOX. A reference that says "this is safe, this is good, I can do this."

You can do it !

Food for thought


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I think I've definitely stepped out of the box from the influences of my family. That's not to say I disregard what I've been taught. I cannot unlearn what I've learned, but I certainly can reject what doesn't work for me. I rather liken it to cutting the umbilical cord. I release myself from their decisions and make my own.

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You got it Mere. I like to view the unhelpful conditioning that we were gifted by our influencers as messages.
We've all heard the phrase "dont shoot the messenger"
So In times where these unhelpful ideas from the past, bubble up from inside and dress themselves as my thoughts, I immediately say to myself, I am grateful to the messenger however at this point in time I choose not to accept the message.

I enjoyed reading your post helps put things in perspective.

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I've had many conversations with Colin. He's great for working things out and getting past the BS.

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I enjoyed it so i will be following to get more of his posts in the future.

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The one thing that I have an issue with is people use big words to make themselves sound knowledgable, my passion is simplifying the complex where mindset is concerned,so that people find it easier to make the changes that they choose. Thank you for the feedback my friend. It is always appreciated. I look forward to checking your stuff out and chatting about anything we find mutually interesting.

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Thanks and speak to you soon.