The Familiarity Principle of Attraction: Why we attract the wrong people and how to attract the right ones.

We hear a lot about “empaths” and “highly sensitive persons” (HSP) these days. New Age (old) beliefs are making waves in social circles and media.

When it comes to healthy relationships, it is no secret HSP’s have it tough.

HSP are more in-tune with others, making them more empathic and vulnerable to negative types of people (particularly narcissists).

We often wonder why people tend to fall for the same “type” over and over again. Despite being previously heartbroken and knowing better. To an outsider, it may seem like an addiction, how people repeat the same patterns producing the same unhealthy results.

This can be explained by the Familiarity Principle or the Mere Exposure Effect.
That is, we gravitate to that which is most familiar.

“Repeated exposure to certain people will increase our attraction toward them.”
_{Deborah Ward}.

This doesn’t apply to just people, but also behaviours!

i.e.: Women who grew up with alcoholic fathers tend to be attracted to alcoholic men.
To rephrase, women who grew up with alcoholic fathers tend to be more familiar with alcoholic men.

The Familiarity Principle explains this is why it is so difficult to leave negative relationships; we are tied to our past by our subconscious.

How to break old patterns?

By pulling into the light of consciousness, why or what it is you are “attracted” to and essentially, retraining your brain.

In such scenarios, repeated exposures to kindness work wonders.
The “Retelling” of Personal Narratives method could also prove beneficial.

How to Attract the Right People?

Find the pattern and break it!
What is “it” that (you think) you’re attracted to?

Awareness is key to developing new patterns. When something is moved from the subconscious to consciousness (where you are now aware of said pattern), you can make an informed decision on how to re-tell your story.

By pulling the unwanted behaviour into the light, creating awareness and deciding what you will no longer put up with, you make room for the right people and situations.

It takes conscious effort and awareness to retrain your brain, but it is incredibly rewarding.

Some call this the Law of Attraction.
What it is though, is Psychology 101.

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Peep my previous post, Personal Narratives: Reclaim Your Past and Envision Your Future.

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