Kindness and the Pursuit of Happiness.
I spent my most impressionable years in a tiny sleepy town with farms and rolling hills as far as the eye can see. We enjoy speaking with each other, hold doors open, buy coffee for the car behind us at drive through's and apologise for getting in your way; a living fairytale. That was pretty much how I’d left my little town too in 05’. Granted, although this ole place just isn't for me, people were warmer then. I knew all my neighbours and us kids played in our gardens every evening. Flower girl at one of their daughter's weddings too. Today I know 5 of my 20 neighbours, and only by name. The rest have moved away or passed on over the years. Much has changed and moving back has been,…new.
People are so similar yet different across the world. A year in Asia and I’ve noticed social cues for friendliness, although considered basic etiquette elsewhere when embodied here (also the Middle East but that warrants a dedicated post) often result in me getting wordless blank stares. I assume this is an expression of disbelief that someone has the audacity to hold a door open, stand in line or ask how your day’s going. I may as well have scaly skin and a tail for being so cavalier.
Not a big deal, but I can't help feeling a smidge miffed. Do I simply stop talking to strangers or ignore the "is she crazy?" looks/ lack of "thank you’s" and carry on with my day? I’d like to be gracious and choose the latter, but it's exasperating at times! Is this not basic decorum? Most of the time I have a chuckle but occasionally, it really gets to me. Some form of response would be nice, complete the social cue and react appropriately. Grunt if you must. Just, acknowledge the gesture and don't stare. (Shout out to old aunties and uncles who holler their hellos. Forever my favourites.)
On a trip to an island on the East coast, my friend and I hitchhiked our way through small towns and surprise, surprise! People were absolutely darling. So I know it isn’t local culture that's changed, but I feel people have somehow become that way (at least where I live). Aside from relief over Malaysian Hospitality not being a thing of the past, hanging around genuine hearts has to be one of the best feelings. The same on my recent trip to Italy! Every country has it's share of faults but it's evident, people living in tiny towns are much friendlier and engage in more meaningful relationships compared to those living in cities. Stark contrast with frequent travel between cities and smaller towns. People are simply happier with less. Their lives don’t revolve around materialism but meaning and thoughtful gestures. Little things mean so much and it's wonderful the friendships you foster with a smile or hello. Favours are succeeded from the heart without expectation and has left me forever a believer in the kindness of strangers. It's comforting to know people and places like that exist!
Anyway, so I see that kindness is key to raising happiness levels in ourselves and others.
My understanding is this: Contentment is a universal concept and key to a happier makeup. Content persons are kind. Kind people are happy people (happy people are also kind people). Similarly, I would think it’s tough to be angry or upset when you’re of a happy disposition. It would also be tough to remain in a negative state of mind when you’re kind to someone/others despite your feelings (right?). When you're content, you're kind(er), and being kind makes you happy(ier). It is believed that altruistic behaviour triggers the brain's reward circuitry, which in turn produce feel-good chemicals like endorphins and dopamine. Since behaviour is learned, should altruistic behaviour continue to be rewarding, it will be reinforced. I also read somewhere that dopamine causes a natural high (termed "helper's high") which lasts longer than THC. Our bodies literally make us happy!
Great observation, also very much easier said than done. I often have to remind myself that the state of our consciousness is everything. Experience has taught me I cannot control someone else’s behaviour, but I can change my own. I prefer to not discuss politics but I wonder, could it be that Malaysians are frustrated over the current local economic and political situation, and is it beginning to affect their overall levels of contentment (ergo, happiness)? I certainly think so. If yes, why are city dwellers more frustrated than those living elsewhere? Maybe because the reality of things are more apparent in cities than out in the country where people are not plagued by problems of a metropolitan life; petrol, toll/transportation fees, retail outlets, mindless traffic, rent, food and beverage, etc. It is also entirely possible that non-city dwellers are illiterate or only literate in their native language, rendering newspapers and 'independent' media in regulated countries useless. Unintended lack of information. You can't know what you don't know and is why concerns remain for this country and people.
I'm definitely affected after only a year of moving and 'frustrated' would be a wild understatement. How can one be content when living conditions are strained for members of the lower and middle class (a whopping majority). The mandatory 6% G.S.T implementation in 2015 didn’t help matters. Hours spent in traffic getting to and from work, rising toll fees and gas, the high cost of living coupled with dismal salaries and long hours spent at work, daily local and international news over corrupt government officials, the not so subtle provocation of racial and religious tensions, peppered against an assortment of other stupidness, isn't exactly the makings of an esteemed lifestyle or "it" place to be. Highly aggravating to live life in a fed up, disheartened environment where everyone knows what’s wrong but there's nothing the common man can do because the game’s been rigged from the get-go. We blinked and greed consumed the land. So salty.
I get it.
People are only human, and a person can’t possibly maintain a positive outlook all the time. People get tired and I think it’s necessary, cleansing even, to ride the emotional rollercoaster every now and again. Sometimes we just need to feel it through and wallow, or perhaps I’m simply a touch sensitive today. Nonetheless, we could all use and practice a little mindfulness in our lives. Always choose kindness and thoughtfulness over selfishness and anger. Lend a helping hand to a struggling stranger, smile back when offered a smile, say your p's and q's, make it a point to bring some joy to another life daily, no matter how small. Even if it means continuing to open doors for people who won't do the same for you or offer thanks. We are all learning and if along the way it helps better you and the world, that is all the difference. World-politics however, I know nothing about.
Here's a rather interesting read on the possibility of an altruism gene. Are some people genetically predisposed to be altruistic? So dang cliche but I suppose it's true what they say, happiness comes from within.
Spread good vibes.