Psychology Addict # 37 | What Do you Do When Things go Wrong?

in psychology •  5 months ago

Maps-on-Desk.png

I was at my desk when my mobile phone rang and displayed who was trying to reach me: Sandra (not her real name). I took a deep breath before I answered. I knew what the phone call was about: she’d found out that her ex-husband had a girlfriend. It had been 8 months since they separated, since then Sandra had embarked on a downhill journey. She said ‘Abigail, I spent the entire weekend crying, the only interaction I had with someone over the past 2 days, was an exchange of messages with my son.’ I then thought to myself, ‘good, Sandra has reached rock bottom, there is only one way left for her now: upwards.’ Unfortunately, 6 weeks later I realised that I had naively overseen the third option available, and the one that Sandra actually went for: to remain there at the bottom.

Whenever I talk to people who find themselves emotionally distressed, if appropriate, I adopt certain euphemisms to lift heavy tones from the conversation. For example, I prefer calling that place where we all are taken to when we are enveloped by fear and sadness The Dark Forest; or, when someone tells me ‘I spend a lot of time thinking of my past’; I say, ‘Oh! You’ve been time travelling’. Depending on how grave the other person’s mood sate is sometimes these ‘terms’ even yield a half smile.

I do this because of the role priming plays on our emotions. There is a classic experiment in psychology, carried out by John Bargh and his colleagues, that consists of two groups of students - between the ages of 18 and 22 - having to assemble short sentences from a set of preselected words (e.g she blue prefers it best). Group 1 was given mixed up words that were related with being older; for instance: wrinkle, retired, Florida, forgetful and so forth. Group 2, on the other hand, was spared of such words. After everyone had assembled their sentences, the experiment began; Bargh asked the participants to walk down the hall and enter another room where another experiment would take place. However, that journey from A to B was the experiment itself. Lo and behold, the young people who had been dealing with words related to ageing took longer to get to the other room than those from group 2; because they moved significantly slower (This study is now commonly known as the ‘The Florida Effect’ ).

You can see how ‘time travelling’ may lighten up the mood a little during a conversation with someone for whom ‘the past’ is already associated with anxiety and difficult feelings. There is a small chance that that person will walk away from the talk feeling slightly better just because of that. This, in turn, might even cause them to revisit certain memories in a more assured manner.

The Dark Forest

the-dark-forest-full.png

Remember, you're the one who can fill the world with sunshine

Snow White

So, there was Sandra, in the Dark Forest. A place that brews obsessions, ill-feelings and unhealthy habits. Before the turmoil, she taught Yoga in a studio she rented overlooking the city park. Also, her home-made vegan lunch boxes were selling like hot cakes. She was building her brand! But then, during the crises, she abandoned her 16-year philosophy, gorged on sugar-loaded foods, started smoking, and stopped selling her products. Her loving son had the good sense to hire an instructor to replace her in the studio, he kept the books going; but now they had to pay a qualified Yoga teacher, which meant way less profit. Things were bad.

In his book The rise and fall of the third chimpanzee J. Diamond discusses the fact that despite self-destructive behaviour being a trait seen in the evolutionary time scale, it has only developed recently. He argues that even toxic-substance abuse “has precedents in animal displays”; however, engagement with it, he continues, depends on a built-in cost benefit system which, in us humans, “has gone awry”.

Genetic, environmental and psychological factors play a part in making some people more vulnerable than others when it comes to this. I remember when my father passed away, he had been sick for years. When he died (over 10 years ago) I was consumed by anger. It took me months until I realised I was actually angry at life, at how unfair it was. Why my family? Why my father? He was a good man.

My anger slowed me down. I had trouble concentrating, and even though I was always tired I couldn’t sleep. Because of that I avoided socializing with family and friends. Unlike Sandra, I didn’t resort to addictive substances. I was never drawn to any of them. Instead, I became a living dead; and, very much like Sandra focused on ‘I hate him’, I focused on ‘How unfair’.

What do you Focus on?

what-do-you-focus-on.png

All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be
Pink Floyd

If you are in the mood & have the time, please take part in the following experiment. It lasts 1 minute and 21 seconds. If not, just keep on reading. However, beware of the spoiler :)

Selective Attention Test


In one of my classes on the subject Attention we were asked to participate in an experiment. All we had to do was to count how many times the individuals wearing white tops passed the ball to one another. I was glued to the screen diligently counting the passes. ‘How many times?’, 15! I confidently replied. Correct! I was informed. I felt proud. Then, I was asked ‘Did you see the gorilla in the room?’, ‘Whaaa? 😧

The invisible gorilla is both a study and a book by psychologists D. Simons and C. Chabris about innatentional blindness, which explores our brain’s limitations in processing what is around us. It basically says that if you don’t focus on something, you won’t see it. Had I seen the person in the gorilla suit, like nearly 50% of the participants did, I would have thought impossible that it could be dismissed. Well, those who saw it were shocked by the ones who responded ‘What gorilla?’

Nevertheless, what surprised me the most about that experience, though, was my certainty of the no gorilla. Not only didn’t I see it, but I was sure that it had never been there. Just because I didn’t notice it. How cocky! How, then, could the fairness that also exists in this world become apparent to me? How could Sandra enjoy higher levels of subjective well-being if all she focused on was on the ill-feelings towards her ex-husband? How can you find the good in people if all you look for is their flaws?

Mapping The Way Out

mapping-out.png

The first thing to do when facing a problem is to map it. By mapping a phenomenon we can make more accurate observations and design the most efficient course of action according to the desired possible outcome.

@lordneroo

When Snow White first found herself in the Dark Forest she reflected “all the things I have been through, and all because I was afraid.” (In many ways I was afraid of a life without my father around. Similarly, Sandra was terrified of being single – she told me so later on). Snow White then queried “what do you do when things go wrong?”, upon that reflection she sang her way towards security and light.

As for me, I swam my way out of the Dark Forest. I called my brother and told him “let’s start swimming again” he promptly took up the offer. Soon, I was sleeping a little better, I gained some weight and looked healthier. I could concentrate and, once again, be efficient in what I did. In seeing us being up and about, my mother, in turn, became stronger. The ball was rolling again.

But, where is your destination?

Well, like @lordneroo puts it “the desired possible outcome”. Mine was/is emotional stability. With this aspect of life under control one is able to widen perspectives, to be prepared for opportunities when they arise, to comfort those in need. Life adversities become less disruptive and temptations are easier to be resisted because the present moment is already thrilling.

Are you emotionally stable?

There is always room for improvement when it comes to this. ✤ Are you appreciative of all that you have going on for you? ✤ Or, are you solely focusing on the negative aspects of life? ✤ How do you behave when life takes you to the Dark Forest? ✤ Where are you heading to in terms of subjective well-being? ✤ Do you have a destination at all?

By integrating constructive practices and approaches in our daily existence they become our second nature. In the words of D. Kahneman, they become System 1: a thinking process that is quick, automatic that requires almost no effort. You see, Sandra needed a little help with that. Sandra’s automatic response to misfortunes was to aimlessly run around the Dark Forest, fall into swamps and trip over undergrowths. Some people are like that. If that is what they do, that’s what they will do. It is their second nature.

Luckily, for Sandra, and for all of us, our brain can re-wire itself. What this means is that experience can actually modify its connections. This is why Kahneman proposed that System 2 (effortful mental activities) can change System 1. In other words, if Sandra made a habit of calming herself down, of seeing things more objectively and expanding her views of the world; with time, her reactions to life’s adversities would became less devastating for her and those around her. She would begin to think more clearly and with no hurry, she would calmly embark on her journey out.

Off Sandra Went

journey-out.png

She said ‘Abigail, I want to be like I was before’. I nodded, but I secretly knew she actually was going to be better; because on top of everything, she would then know of her inner-strength. And she did. Last time I heard from her she had stopped smoking, was sleeping without the aid of medication and was receiving more lunch-box orders than she could cope with. She was still preparing (physically) to start teaching again. ‘She said laughing; I still have some wobbly bits to get rid of’. To the news that the husband’s girlfriend was pregnant she said with a dose of disdain and disappointment ‘people will think it is his grandson’.

Examples like mine and Sandra’s just reinforce what Bohart and Tallman stated: “there exists an inner self-healing, self-righting capacity that people mobilise – provided that they have the right tools - no matter how emotionally troubled they are”. I learnt that life is still wonderful, despite my father’s absence. In the same way that Sandra understood that there is nothing terrifying about being divorced.

Now I just need to find out how Snow White is doing :)


Reference List:

Automaticity of Social Behaviour: Direct Effects of Trait Construct and Stereotype Activation on Action

Bohart, A. C., and Tallman, K. (1999). How clients make therapy work: the process of active self-healing. Washington, DC, American Psychological Association.

Chabris, C. F., and Simons, D. J. (2010). The invisible gorilla: and other ways our intuitions deceive us. New York, Crown.

Diamond, J. M. (1991). The rise and fall of the third chimpanzee. Radius.

Introduction to Cartography

Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, fast and slow. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

Snow White

Image Source: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5


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My Dear Reader,

I told Sandra I would be writing about her today on my blog. She felt proud that others could get inspired by her story, and like me, she is very much interested in finding out whether you ever found yourself in the Dark Forest; if so, how did you map your way out of it?

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work.
You know this means the world to me 😊

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Testing, forgive me for doing this here Abigail. And... it does not work! Maybe it only works on posts...

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Was trying to test my little DNA replication trail. :D

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Oh! I see.. Well, I am sure you will get working on comments as well soon 😊 Am I on it?

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It doesn't work on comments. Its just a little joke. Some little accounts which follow me around.

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Ow ... I should have known better :)

Another great read @abigail-dantes, thank you so much for your inspiring blogs. Wait a minute, my work is included in your reference list? That is a Great Honor for me! Thank you so much!!

I have found myself lost in the Dark Forest many times in the past and I always managed to get out of there by focusing on the positive side of things. We are creatures of habit which become what they do; I've always lived life keeping this into mind.

By integrating constructive practices and approaches in our daily existence they become our second nature.

I force myself to stay productive and work overtime during hardships, as it actually helps keep my mind occupied instead of overthinking about every single detail regarding my problems. It also keeps me motivated and makes me want to work more; staying productive can be rather satisfying for me and makes me forget about all negativity.

With this aspect of life under control one is able to widen perspectives, to be prepared for opportunities when they arise, to comfort those in need.

Mapping a problem is the best way to ensure one won't make the wrong decisions. However in life you can change reality by changing the way you perceive the world. That way you can erase unnecessary problems if you find the right motivation.

By the way I actually noticed that gorilla passing by, the main reason why I did is the white color on the gorilla's facial characteristics (teeth), which made me take a quick look at the weird figure.

Thank you for making my day! :)

PS: My best wishes to your friend. Hope she never has to go back to that Dark Forest.

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My dearest @lordneroo. You are so incredibly sweet! It is my honor to have the opportunity to read your work, and be able to use it in my reflections and writings.

Thank you for all the insight you shared here. It looks like we resort to similar methods when it comes to addressing emotional issues :)

So, you saw the gorilla! My husband did it too. Almost straight away. So, now in the comment session I have you who has seen the gorilla and have another two Steemians who haven't!

I wish you & your mum a peaceful weekend! :*

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I wish you & your mum a peaceful weekend!

You are so sweet. Thank you so much for remembering!
I will let her know you care!

Have a great weekend!

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Yes I often mind refuge in workaholism too!

Ok, as I'm writing this, I'm not sure where I will end, but since you shared about your friend, it can't hurt to share something about myself as well.

For me, the answer whether you will get through difficult times or not is quite binary: either you kill yourself - or you don't.
I don't think there's much in between. It may sound trivial, but this is something really important to be constantly aware of:

As long as you have not taken your own life, you still have something to live for. It's important to start focusing on these things.



How to actually get there is the main question for people dealing with hardships like affective disorders.
I've spent many years with these thoughts and feelings. The numbness, bitterness, anxiety, sadness. I actually cherished them - as weird as this may sound. I WANTED to feel miserable, because I thought this is the only way of me feeling at least something. There were times, when I exercised till my muscles hurt, my body almost broke and then I took a knife and used the tip of the blade and pressed it into my body to feel the pain - because I needed a way to distract myself from the thoughts which were tormenting back then every single fucking day, hour and minute.
These were the few times I actually felt alive.

The alternative would have been as simple as final. I don't know how many times I sat on that specific spot on the bridge near my place. I could have just ended it back then. Once and for all. But obviously, I didn't.
Sometimes I ask myself, whether this was the right decision - but judging from my current life situation, the amazing people I've met after that time and the ones who were already there with me, I'm glad I stayed on that bridge and not below it.

My point is:
Even if life is apparently fucked up, there might still be something worth living for. Either it's the people who care about you, or the things you can do to prove every hater wrong. If only cynicism and spite are what's keeping you alive - good. Embrace it, let it fill every singe breath of your body. With time, it may transform into something more positive - but for a start it can you to survive. Many people think, that hate or other kinds of negative thoughts are bad in general and nothing of use can emerge from them - they are wrong.
Hate can sometimes provide you with the necessary strength to pull yourself out of the misery, to burn this fucking dark forest down to the ground - and built a monument on top of it.
As long as you are alive: keep going - and if the world wants to punch you, just break its wrists.

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An emotional read it is Ego!

And, there is a lot for me to take-in here. This comment of yours has given me a lot of food for thought. You always challenge my views!

So, starting with how you propose the two extremes of emotional distress:

don't kill yourself --------------nothing in between ------------------- kill yourself.

As extreme as this may sound, and as much as I disagree with it (mainly with the nothing in between) the way you make sense of this is very objective and, in my opinion, can yield positive outcomes. I am glad you highlighted it! :) "Focus on what you have chosen to live for"

But, here again, you challenge my beliefs. What if 'that thing' one has chosen to live for is an ill-feeling or an obsession? You seem to theorize here that this will eventually shift. Gosh Ego, how can something positive emerge from ill-feelings? You can indeed burn the Dark Forest down with hate, but how can you build something positive on the burnt ground when you are fueled by cynicism, and spite?

A shift must occur!

The accounts of your past are truly touching Ego, and they make my heart beat faster with angst. But, I only believe you are where you are now, not because you were pushed by misery; but, because you underwent a shift!

I am not saying that what you proposed here in wrong; or, that my way of thinking is the correct one. I am still going to ponder on what you wrote here. Particularly this part : " Hate can sometimes provide you with the necessary strength to pull yourself out of the misery ", which from a neuropsychological perspective I find hard to understand.

Much love to you always Ego 😘

I really appreciate you sharing this incredible insight. It is very relevant to this discussion and touches on some truly good points.
😉 ❤

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I’m glad I was able to give you something new to think about :)

As extreme as this may sound, and as much as I disagree with it (mainly with the nothing in between)

I’m curious: what’s for you in between? Either you’re alive – or not. I don’t see anything else.

But, here again, you challenge my beliefs. What if 'that thing' one has chosen to live for is an ill-feeling or an obsession? You seem to theorize here that this will eventually shift. Gosh Ego, how can something positive emerge from ill-feelings? You can indeed burn the Dark Forest down with hate, but how can you build something positive on the burnt ground when you are fueled by cynicism, and spite?

Even if it is an ill-feeling/obsession – it helped you to survive and that’s what counts. You can see it like that: your actions might be driven by hatred and despite – but you are still able to act, since you are still alive. This also means, you have at least the possibility to change for the better at some point – something which is obviously not possible, if you had taken your own life.
Personally, I consider despite and especially cynicism as an extremely helpful way to deal with many obstacles in life. You don’t expect too much from other people, you reduce the risk of getting disappointed to a bare minimum, you want to prove them wrong and just BE BETTER than they are. It’s a highly competitional way of thinking and living and certainly not for everyone, but sometimes it’s really better to burn down as much as possible – to create something new from the ashes. Old habits need to die, making space for new ones to form.

But, I only believe you are where you are now, not because you were pushed by misery; but, because you underwent a shift!

I think, it’s a combination of both. Cynicism helped me to push me to that point – and some transformations helped me to get a grip onto many things. But I’m quite sure, I would not have made it so far without my antipathy towards most people.

Particularly this part : " Hate can sometimes provide you with the necessary strength to pull yourself out of the misery ", which from a neuropsychological perspective I find hard to understand.

I’m curious: what don’t you understand there exactly? Have you never felt the adrenaline rush which occurred along intense hate? Were you never in a “fuck it all” state of mind? The idea is something like: “I’m still here, I’m stronger than you, you didn’t break me, I know that I’m superior to you.”
It pushes you to your limits – and beyond them. Born out of hatred, you emerge stronger than ever before – and no matter what life throws in your way, you will just fight back.

Hi Ms. Abi... 😊

Yey, I counted 15 and I saw the gorilla, I was waiting for the video to say "if you counted 15 you are a genius" lols ☺️☺️☺️
But seriously I am a very positive person, As I said on my tagline always Look at the brighter side of everytime, but as a person I also experience dark forest, when I lost my baby due to miscarriage, for a few days I feel bad and questioning Him, is that a punishment why do I have to lose my baby, but because of the support from my hisband and my family and friends I was able to go back on track... I know it is easier said than done but strong faith in HIM ☝️🙏, and being a positive person are my keys on how to get out of the darkness,

Thank you Ms. Abi for sharing this, reading your blog is like having an appointment with a psychologist, send my regards to Sandra, please tell her to go back on her class...

Have a great day Ms. Abi... Never Ending thank you for your kindness... God Bless and More Blessings... 😘😘😘

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if you counted 15 you are a genius" lols ☺️☺️☺️

Ahahahahaha

I am certain no one goes through life without encountering the Dark Forest @avhyaceulip, fear and sadness are fundamental to our development. Of course you would feel low after your miscarriage! But, your positive outlook on life makes possible for you not only be aware of the care and love that others have for you, but also for you to look ahead. This is a very constructive way of approaching life :)

Well done 😘

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Thank you so much ms. Abi... And that's what I want to share to my loved ones....

Hey, Abigail, a wonderful post. Again!
I have been in the Dark Forest and finding my way out of it has rewarded me with new strengths (or superpowers :)). You never get out of it being the same person. It always changes you.

But I find it extremely difficult when someone who I love gets lost in the Dark Forest. I want to help him or her so much, I can clearly see the way out, but he or she resists it and goes deeper and deeper into the forest.

Unfortunately, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. And you can't find the way out instead of him or her. They should do it on their own. I find it extremely difficult just to stay there, to watch and hope they are going to make it.

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Hello there @insight-out 😊 It's nice to see you here!

Yes, you are so right. One is never the same after exiting the Dark Forest. One can, indeed, be full of superpowers (love it!). But, of course, like you so rightly said. One needs to be open to those who are willing to guide them towards the way out!

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment once again. It does mean a lot to me! :*

All the best to you :)

Dear @abigail-Dante’s, I really enjoyed how you put this post together with several little stories. I took the test focused so much that I didn’t see the gorilla either.
I have been in the dark woods before and the only things that got me through it were therapy, time and good friends. It takes a while to find that inner strength. Once found let’s hope that it cannot be lost again. Since that one time death, a broken heart and other tough places have all been so much easier. Sometimes we just need to be tested to find out how strong we are. ❤️🐓🐓

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Oh my dear @mother2chicks it makes me smile to hear you enjoyed this post :) Also, thank you for taking the time to do the experiment! Another one to the no gorilla group. Isn't that a simple, clever study that teach us so much about us? I just love it!

Good tools you had there to map your way out of the Dark Forest!

Much love to you always ❤️

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Are you moving again? Seems like you just got settled into your place. I wanted to ask during your last post , but that’s when steemit got hacked for a few hours. Whatever you are up to, don’t leave your precious hubby behind because when he put you onto steemit you found your rainbow. Much love my friend. ❤️🐓🐓

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No. I am not going anywhere :) We came here to stay. We love it in here. And peace has returned to our home after the stress of the move + settling down :) We had a few difficult months to begin with, but we managed to overcome it! The warm summer and a little break from work have helped immensely. You see, I have to keep myself in check. Otherwise, I just work, work and work!

Thank you for your loving words my dear friend! :*

Excellent post! The first time I saw that selective attention video, I was also convinced that no gorilla was in the original video. Its one of my favorite psyche videos.

I hadn't heard of the amusingly named Floridia Effect. I don't know if its related, but I've noticed a particularly engrossing book can affect my mood/energy levels (ie. a depressing book will make me have low energy). Anyways, thanks for sharing!

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Oh @tking77798, you didn't see the gorilla too! Welcome to my group 😆 I did the test with my husband and he saw it straight away. He asked 'what's up with that gorilla?' 🙄

I did mention this on a previous comment here : Over the past few years there has been a little controversy over the findings of this experiment. Psychologists began to question its reliability, mostly because of the difficulty to replicate it. Nevertheless, on a more recent study it has been found out that primes are very powerful when influencing gambling decisions, for example. I, personally believe, that our environment influence us in ways that we aren't fully aware of.

And how you reported you feel after reading a book just reinforces that priming is indeed real. Acctually, your comment reminded me of how I felt after watching Dancer in the Dark by Lars Von Trier. This was years ago. Gosh I was upset for 2-3 days!

Admittedly, some of us are more gullible than others. But, undoubtedly, we all become a little more fragile and susceptible in times of emotional distress :)

Thank you for stopping by once again @tking :)
Best.

Hola mi querida Abi! Creo que del 100% de los que han leído esta publicación, el 98% se sintieron identificados el otro 2% aun no aceptan la realidad de que han estado o están en el bosque oscuro. En lo personal he estado en el bosque oscuro y constantemente viejo en el tiempo (por cualquier circunstancia de mi vida sea bueno o mala) pero una de las razones mas fuertes de mi vida por la cual visite el bosque oscuro fue por lo que le pasó a Sandra y por lo que te pasó a ti, en mi caso la muerte de mi amado hermano Juan.

Es importante destacar la voluntad que tienen las personas de salir del bosque oscuro y de no querer viajar mas en el tiempo, en mi caso así como Sandra y tu llegó un momento que dices "hasta aquí!" y bueno comienzas a trabajar para poder ver la luz, cabe destacar que los viajes en el tiempo sirven también para poder salir del bosque oscuro, ya que el recordar y conversar con alguien esos recuerdos son una terapia liberadora (lo digo por mi).

El gorila en la habitación!
Una vez vi ese vídeo y efectivamente no pude apreciar el gorila en la habitación, lamentablemente la mayoría de las personas que se encuentran en el bosque oscuro no pueden ver las alternativas o las salidas porque están concentrados en la causa que los hizo entrar en el bosque, que tremendo es eso verdad?
Hay personas que salen de esas etapas de sus vidas solas, por sus caracteres determinantes y decididos, pero hay otras que necesitan ayuda para poder ver la luz.

Una vez escuche decir a un amigo los siguiente "el ser humano sufre por lo que no tiene, en vez de disfrutar lo que tiene" esas palabras han sido como campanas en mi cabeza, así como lo sera este escrito hasta que tenga uso de mis facultades mentales!

Una vez más agradecido y contento de haberte leído, me despido hasta una próxima si amigo @javisem :*

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Hello my dear @javisem ❤ what a beautiful, touching comment you left me here today. What you said here is so right! I needed a whole post to express that and you concisely and cleverly said it all in a single sentence:

la mayoría de las personas que se encuentran en el bosque oscuro no pueden ver las alternativas o las salidas porque están concentrados en la causa que los hizo entrar en el bosque

Also, thank you so much for sharing with me your friend's reflection. I have already written down on my notepad and surely will ponder on those words. They are so insightful 😊

I wish you all the best in life always my dear.
Take care of yourself :)

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Gracias a usted, una vez usted me dijo que no era Doctora en Psicología, cosa que me sorprendió mucho porque escribe y documenta como una Doctora, pero para mi criterio si lo es. También me pasa lo mismo, tengo muchos conocimiento en el área de los polímeros y la extrusión, pero en el área laboral siempre he sido discriminado por no tener un titulo de ingeniero, por tal razón hoy estoy estudiando una carrera universitaria para poder obtener mi titulo. Se lo importante que es un titulo para ejercer una profesión, pero habemos personas que no necesitamos un titulo para hacer lo que sabemos hacer muy bien, su caso es la Psicología, mi querida Abi mis respetos para usted en este campo. Que tenga un buen fin de semana. :*
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Even without ‘big titles’, with dedication and confidence in ourselves we can make a difference :) I am very pleased to hear you are furthering your education. So am I! My final goal is indeed to have my PhD and write a book. It looks like we are very similar @javisem

I did see your last post. And I would like to suggest you to join the steemstem español community. It is almost nine o’clock here and I am about to turn my computer off. I will send you a message tomorrow about the community, ok?

Take care and thank you for your immense support, motivation ans kindness aways :*

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Oh! Claro! Me parece estupenda la propuesta que me hace, claro que si! Usted me dirá que hacer.

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Good morning my dear @javisem :)

So, it will be great to see you becoming a member of the stem-Español community. There are only a few requirement you need to be aware of, and here they are:

1- Write original content (well, you know about this).
2 - Reference your sources.
3 - Only use CC images.
4 - In order for your post to be found you must use the tag stem-espanol

This is a branch of the steemstem community. The members there are mostly Venezuelan and Spanish. The manages of the initiative are @carloserp-2000 and @iamphysical.

I am going to send you an invitation to stem-espanol Discord channel directly. There you can ask further questions; for example, the minimum of words required for the post to be supported ... etc ...

Also, take a look at their weekly report. This will give you a clearer idea of the type of posts they select :)

Good luck 😉

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Buenas tarde mi querida Abi :), ok ya le echo un vistazo para adiestrarme con la etiqueta y la comunidad, muchas gracias por sus atenciones para conmigo, me hace sentir muy especial :*

sometimes we do not want to let go and at some point we can get to be in the dark forest, but if that happens to us I think we should assume that we are wrong and seek help, very good post abigail

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Letting go! This is a very precise, concise thought that says it all dear @stefany12 :)
Thank you for this reflection!

All the best to you :*

Free psychology tip here that I didn't have to pay for. So any times I am like Sandra. Lost in the dark forest and down at the bottom rock. Although sometimes I unconsciously follow the steps you've outlined in your post. But it's nice reading it in a well explained manner.

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Hahahahahaha that is a good-humored way to start a comment @mr-aaron :D I love it!

I am glad to hear you have that in-build mechanism that gets you out of the Dark Forest already working for you. Now that you know about it, you can always reflect and elaborate it a little bit more. This will only help you to deal better with life issues :) As important as it is to adopt healthy habits for our physical health, it also is paramount to practice actions that will help us enjoy high-levels of subjective well being :)

All the best to you always !!

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Thanks for your reply. Now I'm feeling important.

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Well, you made me feel important by reading and providing me interesting feedback! So, thank you to you too 😉

The journey through life is not easy at all, we find many difficulties and situations that can take us without realizing a dark forest, but we should always try to take the positive from the bad also take good things, are experiences that help us grow in life, thanks friend, your post is always very good

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And so are your comments @urbano. You said something very interesting here: sometimes we end up in the dark forest and don't even notice.I believe that is because we fail to stop and reflect about ourselves, our experiences and actions.

Have a great weekend my dear :)

I remember I was one of those who was shocked to find out that there was a gorilla. So, @abigail-dantes, I truly believe that we have to be purposeful in what we focus on. A few years ago, I stopped thinking I was too old and decided that I was just getting started... that I was actually in my prime... and lo and behold, I stopped feeling old. So, back to your friend, it's because she is looking forward instead of behind, she's on the mend.

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Hello my dear @karencarrens :)

Oh! Thank you very much for sharing this with us. This sort of change in our perspectives of the world always fascinates me. And even more so when they really make a difference in the way we experience the world around us! This is a good one. And yes, only when decided to lift her head up things began to change inside her!

Much love to you my dear :*

It must be Friday, welcome back Abigail!

I'd not heard of the famous experiment, how fascinating that the people shown the 'ageing' cards travelled slower to the next destination. I guess that's why they say 'she's got the weight of the world on her shoulders right now', literally slowing the person down with a psychological burden?

The way out of my dark forest was to change the world I saw, seemingly taking the advice from Pink Floyd. 😊

Thank you for another interesting read, I'll be back to try the experiment over the weekend.

Have a great day!

Asher

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Yes! I am also fascinated by the Florida Effect. Over the past few years there has been a little controversy over the findings of this experiment. Psychologists began to question its reliability, mostly because of the difficulty to replicate it. Nevertheless, on a more recent study it has been found out that primes are very powerful when influencing gambling decisions, for example. I, personally believe, that our environment influence us in ways that we aren't fully aware of.

Admittedly, some of us are more gullible than others. But, we all become a little more fragile and susceptible in times of emotional distress :)

I like the way you mapped your way out of the Dark Forest Asher. Our perspective of the world makes a huge impact on how we experience it. I am looking forward to your results of the experiment.

Take Care 😊

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haha!

I got the answer right but did not 'see' the gorilla!

How could I have possibly missed it?! I saw a slow moving black-suited person, but the goal of the exercise was to count the passes from the white team.

That's a fun exercise, thanks for sharing it Abigail!

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I know! It is incredible, right? What a great way research has to tell us that for us to see what is good in this life our attention needs to be shifted from what is negative! :)

Thank you very much for taking the time to do it Asher :*

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Yes I guess that's what it is, I feel a bit silly for not seeing it - must try harder!

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No, no, no, no Asher :) There is no right or wrong answer to this test. One either sees the gorilla, because at some point when counting the passes one got distracted. Or, one doesn't see it because of innatentional blindness :) like the two of us! 😉

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From your reply I took it that Im not paying enough attention to the good. I was doing as I was told, watching the ball, when there was perhaps something more interesting to observe!

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Oh no ... that was not directly to you personally! 😅 It is for all of us, really, including me :) Plus, I remember once you commented on how you dealt with a particular emotional pain (related to a relationship). It seems to me you're not the kind of guy that gets stuck in the Dark Forest :D

I identify with this publication I have fallen into the dark forest and I have also left! It has cost me a lot but I have achieved it, my recommendation is to keep busy, active, do new things that we like, exercise and not give time to negative thoughts, focus on a purpose, and we will see that if we can reach the goal, As my grandmother used to say after the storm, calm always comes.
It's not easy, but is not impossible either.
Greetings a hug.

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Hello @franm :)

It is very nice of you to let us know the methods you resorted to in order to feel better about yourself and in life. I am always curious how it always seem to be the same very patterns that help people to recover!

You are right! It is not easy, but patience and persistence make it possible!

All the best to you :)

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Thank you dear, yes, that method worked for me, although I recognize that it cost me a bit to change my routine but I achieved it. Thank God. Now I live in a more active and healthy way. Thinking positive helps solve adversities.
Kisses :*

Thank you friend for this publication, it is very suitable for me at this moment, many times friend I have fallen in the dark forest, but I have come out thanks to God because I have decided to see the good of the situations, at this moment I am trying not to touch bottom , because 2 days ago my 2 younger brothers had to leave the country, looking for a better future, because the economic crisis in Venezuela is serious and that has me very bad, we had never separated and now we touch. I do not know when I will see them again, I hope it will be soon, but I am looking for the positive aspects so as not to fall into crisis, well the advice that is presented here, very good publication.

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Hello dear @mili2088 :)

It is good to hear your brothers are healthy, strong and privileged enough to have the chance to look for opportunities else where. Some people don't even have that in life! Of course, you are upset because they aren't going to be close to you, that is so normal, isn't it :) but then again, that is because of attachment.

I am sure you are going to see them as many times per day it is possible. Isn't that the beauty of social media? I live miles and miles away from my brother and nephew. We talk and chat nearly every day. Things are not like they were 15 or 20 years ago, when phone calls were so expensive, we relied on letters. This are all privileges that we have and should never take for granted.

Try to map your way towards feeling good about the opportunities you family have and stay strong for both your brothers that are travelling and the family members that are still beside you :)

I wish your family all the best. May your brothers find what they are looking for!

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Of course it is difficult to separate, but good is so that they can be well, thank you dear abigail for your words of aliendo is true of social networks, I hope they can be well and get ways to communicate soon

Hello @abigai-dantes..

It is a pleasure reading this counseling rich piece. Thank for taking your time to share this life saving strategy to come out of boredom when one feels there is no more hope to keep pursuing worthwhile goals and being happy at life.

Regards

@eurogee of @euronation and @steemstem communities

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Hello my dear @eurogee :)

Thank you for your kind words. Boredom can truly be a bummer sometimes, and I think nowadays, we all find ourselves falling victim to it more and more often. And this is when I think that having that goal helps us! :)

All the best to you always.

love this read, certainly i think im kinda in a depressed mode time to time, but always go trhought it, just sometimes all its really really hard, live here and try to stand my proyect and to reach new its the way that i find to work with my internal sadness, i do poetry, sing, its my way to take the best of the bad times, but im always in this cicle of being good, being bad, being goood, being baaad, i dont think its anoying but, i miss a lot of things, people that move out from here, the past, ahaha, i think that im always going over and over on the past.

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Ow ... the past! It seems to me like you are a very nostalgic person @joseacabrerav

You see, that cycle you mention : good - bad - good - bad ... I propose something to you! Why don't you do some sort of test to learn a little bit more about yourself? For example, allocate the time of a month. Give yourself a goal you want to reach at the end of that month: Want to finish reading a book? Write 1 poem per day? Go for a walk three times a week?

On top of that, every time you feel tempted to revisit the past, make long term future goals. Decide where you want to be in life in 5, ten years time. There is a good exercise in psychology that goes like this. Imagine yourself in 10 years time, then, write a letter for the self you are today.

At the end of the month you will see how the cycle of good - bad - good -bad has diminished. Do you accept the challenge? :D

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i do this challengue always abigail

I dislike men that cheats on their wives with passion

Sandra is/was a divorcee, but the news of his ex-husband's girlfriend grieved her; could it be that she still loves the husband?
Seems women's psychology always make them love who they love irrespective of what happens_ Not sure about this though

I really appreciate this article @abigail-dantes

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Hello @ikchris :)

It is wonderful to see you here again. You always raise very interesting questions! And you nailed it!

I am convinced that the reason why Sandra felt so lost was because she still loved him when all that happened. Sadly. She had many battles to fight and didn't know which one to go for first. But she finally woke up and decided to plan a new future instead of lamenting the past.

I really appreciate you taking the time to read and participate in this debate my dear.
All the best to you always :)

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I appreciate your appreciation.
You deserve some accolade

First of all i want to appreciate your work because, many people face tough times in life but sometimes some people need guidance and support to come out of that situation because tough and rough times can suppress us.

And life is an roller-coaster journey and every stage and phase of life teaches us something or give some experience which can break or make us, and yes experiences can change us completely or transform our thought process completely.

No matter what, we have to learn the art of expression because if we suppress our thoughts then for sure one day all the collective suppressed thoughts will going to blast out because our thought holds the emotions and emotions cannot be suppressed for long.

Thanks for sharing this post with us and wishing you an great day. Stay blessed. 🙂

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Hello Dear @chireerocks :) I trust you have been fine.

You are right, some of us do get that extra confused in times of emotional distress. This has a lot to do with personality type. A factor that also contributes to whether we see our troubles as something that either destroy us, or makes us stronger. Like you wisely said here! The expression of emotions is also a smart thing to bring up in this debate. It is definitely one of the tools that helps us to move forward! :)

Thank you you for taking the time to participate here with your invaluable reflections. I really appreciate it! :)

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Thank you so much for your appreciating words and for giving value to my thoughts. Stay blessed. 🙂

Another awesome piece Abbey. A particular line; amongst others; piqued my interest:

Luckily, for Sandra, and for all of us, our brain can re-wire itself. What this means is that experience can actually modify its connections.

Could this be related to neuroplasticity? Would it be right to say that our brain cells can be influenced by the experiences we pass through?

An unrelated question: sometimes, after keeping up late for some nights, I find it hard to focus on even minor things; does this have any link to the brain cells re-wiring themselves?

Nice piece Abbey

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This is neuroplasticity, my smart, dear Sammy :)

All the experiences we go through, either conscious or unconscious, are external stimuli that influence our brain cells to a given extent. Our brain pathways change its connections upon experiences that are lived more or less repeatedly. In other words, with practice. Your reduced focus must be more linked to mental exhaustion than anything else, I believe! I suppose it is time you began to going to bed a little earlier Sammy :*

Take care of yourself my dear.

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Thanks for the kind advice Abbey. I'll try to avoid keeping late nights often 😘

Hi @abigail-dantes. You are truly a precious gem to the steemSTEM community. This article is great. Tough luck for Sandra and I hope she is doing better now. I'm sorry to hear about your father but the way you feel after that are classic signs of bereavement. Thank god, you manage to get the hell out of the dark forest or else the diagnosis can be much complicated. Of course, good social support is important and often determine how well we are going to cope with difficult times but so do our personality and how optimist we are. Some people are just predisposed whether genetically or psychologically to unhealthy ways of coping, but that doesn't mean they can't. It just meant, it will be hard for them. For Sandra, it would be good for her if she can rise little by little. Even if people keep on thinking that life is a race, it's actually not; what's important is we arrive at the designated destination safely. Doesn't matter how fast you get there as long as you get there.

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Hello there @conficker :) It is wonderful to see you here!

What else can I add to this comment? :) You touched on everything that is relevant and plays a role on people's emotional self-healing. With personality type being among the most significant ones, in my opinion.

I like the reflection you ended your comment with so much. I, myself, sometimes think life is a race. Then I realize that the only person I am racing against is myself! Then, I slow down the pace and am able to see all that is around me with much more precision and clarity. It sure does make for a much safer journey!

All the best to you my dear.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and take part in this discussion!
:)

Instead of tracking your own goals, you can ask someone you trust to keep you on track with your goals. It can be a sibling, a friend, a spouse, or even a professional like a life coach or personal trainer. They can be your source of motivation, and even better, inspiration. It is important to choose someone you trust or someone you know will not let you fail to achieve your goals. Choose someone who will push your limits. Most importantly, you need to choose someone who believes in you. The feeling you get when you know that "someone believes in you" can be amazing. This feeling will help push you forward and restore faith in you when you feel like giving up.
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This is a very good tip indeed Jamal :) having someone to help and guide us is certainly invaluable. But, one should never forget that one's problem is one's problem! It is different having someone to be there with us than having someone to track our own goals for us. Only one can and should do that for oneself :)

Actually, it was when Sandra calmed herself down and saw the world around her from a different lens, that she could notice the love of her son, how her mother cared and worried for her etc... that motivated her greatly to adopt a healthier life style and embrace her life again!

Have a wonderful afternoon Jamal !

Good of you to make it!
😂😂
(this will now be my intro to your every post, until further notice!)

In his book The rise and fall of the third chimpanzee J. Diamond discusses the fact that despite self-destructive behaviour being a trait seen in the evolutionary time scale, it has only developed recently.

I don't know for sure, but I would put money on it that the self destructive increase is correlating very closely to the rise in material opulence.
(by opulence, I mean 'more than you need'...as in enough food and somewhere to stay..).
The luxury (or curse) of enough time to dwell is only available to us, because we don't need that time to actually survive..

Personally, I try to use that negative energy. Do something.... but if it manifests itself in lethargy, I try to look at my own lethargy - and then I get angry at my own self indulgence..., (and then back to stage one..)

What Do you Do When Things go Wrong?

Very, very good question right now.
For me I am at this stage...

1)whaaaaa?
2)aghhhhh
3)bugger

I won't link on your post, but just posted my own. 9 hours of video editing work crashed on me!
(and no I didn't 'save', before you say it)

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Ohhhhhhhh .... SO SORRY 😧 How frustrating!

Please don't tell me that was the video on Reg's arrival!! I checked on 'stooped' Dave yesterday. He also makes me laugh. I love them all. The 'wise' lot (not)!

I like the observation you made here very much

The luxury (or curse) of enough time to dwell is only available to us, because we don't need that time to actually survive..

I believe our reward system (dopaminergic pathways) doesn't help us much with this. Particularly when paired with the values promoted by our current society!

PS: By the way, that last Johnathan Pie's video you shared is just incredible. Until then, my favorite of his was the one he shared after the Grenfel Tower calamity. But that last one was ... ohhhh ... he said it all!

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Please don't tell me that was the video on Reg's arrival!!

Ok, I won't.....

....I've changed my mind.... Yes it was!.....and a LOT more than that besides...!
I Had three vids on the same timeline, to split when I'd finished.
..It will be worth the wait though - you are in for a surprise... or two...

I just couldn't bring myself to start it all over again today( my head hurts learning this new toy, as it is) without the soul crushing waste of 9 hours!
Soul crushing?...maybe a little too dramatic, but you get the idea..
I'll crack on tomorrow though...It's really nice being back in touch with 'the wise ones' again...

I believe the way our reward system (dopaminergic pathways) doesn't help us much with this. Particularly when paired with the values promoted by our current society!

I totally agree with you, which is interesting... I am the poster boy for all the 'wrongs' you are talking about!
...'Do as i say, not as I do', kind of thing...'
😂😂

That Pie video was a brilliant one!

My best way to come out of the dark forest is to tell myself that Scarlet o'Hara sentence: "Tomorrow is another day."

As I now look at events as passing by, I know everything shell pass. What today is horrible or unbearable will be different tomorrow.

I can look at the subject of my observation from all kinds of perspectives and that makes it relative. Every week I am having encounters where I think: "Oh, how annoyed I am! I can't listen to a single word of this conversation any longer!"

Troubles and disharmony in relationships will never end as long as I am related. It's not about avoiding feelings and experiences but to take them as they come and then move on.

Now, when I am aroused, disappointed, in trouble it is of great help to me to think: "alright, this is happening. Is it really that bad?" Often enough I can smile and tell myself: No. It's not.

I like that you went swimming with your brother.

Jumping into the sea surf, doing heavy physical work, pulling flowers in the garden etc. often helps to get away from the brooding world of thought. It gets darkest when there is no longer any interest in living life. Then other things have to help. I'm glad your friend agreed to serve as an example here.

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You are a mindful person my dear Erika :) It is precisely this acceptance and awareness that you adopt in difficult times that most of us seem to either not know about; or, not know how to proceed with it.

It took me a long time to understand that, and a fair bit of emotional pain before I realized that I would need to exhaust myself physically first, before the answer to the question "Is it really that bad?" becomes a more hopeful one! I suppose that dopamine helps me with that!

Much love to you :*

hello my friend @abigail-Dantes did not answer you because my internet has been bad these days but it could be solved. to enter the subject very fascinating your publication although I have not happened something like sandra I think I think you have to have strength of will and a lot of courage to get out of that darkness that clouds your mind and your soul and good also with much help you can recover the path to light. Greetings and have a nice day.

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Hello there my dear @catire383 :)

It is good to see you here. I am sorry to hear about the problems you've had with your internet! 😕 I appreciate your feedback on Sandra's situation!

All the best :)

First of all, I wish you a happy start to the week and that you have spent it over the weekend and may God bless you all the days of your life.
entering the subject, if I have had moments in which I feel in the fog, I can not see beyond what I want and my mood is on the ground, but there is always something that manages to clear your mind and leave that nightmare In my opinion one having what we call willpower in wanting and wanting something for sure we can get out of the darkest we are, accompanied also by good company, with that friendly shoulder that give us words that sweeten our lives.
saludos y bendiciones!!!

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Hello Dear @rosnely :)

Yes, you are right, the journey to exit the Dark Forest begins with the willingness to leave it, in the first place. On then we can appreciate and notice all that is around us and can help us to move out of there!

Take Care and lots of love to you!

hi miss Abi , how are you? hope you are enjoying the weekend , thanks for sharing a part of your life when you had experienced dark forest aswell , and i am glad you've overcome it.

By the way , i tried the gorilla video , i only counted 13 passes , LOL,and like you i haven't notice the gorilla

I do agree in the fact that focusing on the flaws won't really allow you to see the good things about it . i think the first Dark forest experience i've got was when the father of my first born Zeph left us , just after i gave birth because of third party , i was like doomed for a year , but then after a year , i came cak to schooling ,have seen them together , got myself busy and have the love of fm andfriends ,i was able to moved on and forgive them both , glad they are still together now but not yet married (their relationship is as old as Zeph'sage ,11 years now) so there. And i think now a days asa full time mom , sometimes i feel like i can see myself in the dark forest , like maybe sometimes i adk question why am i here ,why is life like this for me , but whenever i look at my kiddos , i am being enlightened that i am blessed , that i should be grayeful for what i have. I usually cry and talk to God whenever i feel down ,and of course my sister , always. then after that she always tell me to look on the brighter side of why things are happening to me and that it always has reasons. so thankful for her

I am also happy to know about Sandra's situation , that she's able to get better now. 😍

There miss Abi , thanks always for sharing this kind of post, i got to reflect on my self too. And thanks always for your support for us , always take care of yourself andGod bless you more and more. Love you @abigail-dantes 😘❤️❤️❤️

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Oh dear @zephalexia, please don't cry. You have so much to smile for .... you have such a kind heart! You have a faith, and a beautiful family. Feeling said is natural, particularly in times of stress, but make an effort to not stay sad, ok? That is not healthy! The minis need you strong and emotionally stable :)

So, you didn't see the gorilla either 😃 😂 Isn't that such an interesting experiment? And it is so simple! It is genius!

You take care of yourself :)
Much love to you and the family, from Portugal.
❤️

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thanks very much miss Abi , i will definitely stay strong , i actually am becoming stronger each day because of my kids ,they really are my reason of surviving , living , loving hehe. My family is my motivation

Good night from here now 😘❤️❤️❤️

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Love you sis @zephalexia I will always be here no matter what... 😘😘😘

Dear @Abigail, another very interesting topic, maybe all of us at some point have come to the Dark Forest, for one reason or another, there are those who remain in it and there are others who overlap and come out faster. If professional help is sought it is easier to leave the Dark Forest because it is a state where you feel sad, upset, downcast, anguished, sometimes with thoughts of suicide, because we believe that sadness and anger will never leave you and your situation will never improve . But if you can go out and we must do our part and have a lot of patience because it requires time to completely heal.

Oh and by the way if I saw the Gorilla. ;)
I hope you have a Happy weekend.

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I believe that in life, we all, inevitably, encounter the Dark Forest too @joserar22. The important thing is indeed to acknowledge where we are and evaluate our suffering. As I believe that only then the way our becomes clear :)

Thank you for your comment!

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True, we have to recognize that we should not remain there and encourage ourselves to leave because outside the Forest life is more beautiful and our life should continue.
Greetings.

From my point of view no human being is safe from entering the Dark Forest, the important thing here is to draw strength and the desire to leave this Forest, recover and continue with our lives as before. Sometimes we think it is the end and it really is not, we must think about the damage and the anguish that we cause our loved ones, focus on accepting the help and support that they give us. Go out and participate in the social activities of your community even if they do not interest you too much. But you have to establish contact with other people. You can look for a hobby that keeps your mind occupied and away from negative thoughts and it is time to establish small daily goals that you will achieve little by little. It takes time and a lot of effort to recover the desire to keep going but it is not impossible, if you can go out Of the Dark Forest.

@ Abigail-dantes I wish you had an excellent weekend. Greetings

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I think so too @piky. I believe no one in this life can avoid the Dark Forest. The good news is that we have the means to exit, no matter how deep we find ourselves in it! Precisely like you observed, we have external means e.g hobbies, community work etc.. and our own resilience to push us forward. But, the road to recovery only presents itself for us when we decided to get going :)

Thank you for your wonderful reflections here!

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I agree, if we ourselves do not do our part and decide to save ourselves unfortunately no one can do it for us, however much they want to help, it will be in vain. The decision is ours.

Dear @Abigail, it seems to me that this issue is so important, since it can happen to some of us and here we see that we are not the only ones that have fallen into the Dark Forest as well as we can realize that if we can leave From there, it is true that life puts us in difficult and painful situations, but we must never lose sight of the fact that any situation you are in today can improve and that in the future you can find a solution to feel better and recover the activity even if you do not feel like it. Staying active is very important for the change of attitude to take place. Anguish and pain can disappear someday, or at least diminish.
I did the exercise and there is no gorilla, by any side ...
I hope you enjoy your weekend.

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Absolutely @josmarly, life can be difficult and painful; and the way one chooses to deal with these feelings can make our experience in this world either harder or more manageable. I agree so much with staying active as well. Unfortunately though, with the new habits of our society eg. social media etc... we, as a whole, are just becoming less and less active!

Thank you very much for your input! :)
Best

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Exactly, one chooses but sometimes life gives us moments very strong moments and we feel weak to leave the dark forest, we must keep in mind that we do not belong to that place and we have to leave there. As for our habits, we have to sacrifice a moment to execute ourselves to be healthy.
Greetings

This is just incredible! I am presently stable emotionally but i was able to relate with the states you had described above simply because i was once a shattered being long ago.

I lost my mum and got involved in drugs. Although i am out of that state now i do, sometimes, feel deprived of her company. I never held anyone/thing responsible but i usually do feel angry with myself that i should have spent valuable time with her when she was alive.

All that is still lodged somewhere within me but they only surface whenever i feel so low.

I want to be like before

Like Sandra. But all honesty, I can't help it.

Thank you forr this piece. It is important because it shows me that i probably may not be alone in the fight... "To be like before"

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Hello there @abumaryam :)

Before anything, let me just say that I love, love, love the description of yourself you share on your blog "An ardent reader and a curious listener" :D Gosh, someone who is keen to read and listen, in my opinion, is halfway there! With 'there' being 'high levels of subjective well-being'.

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you went through because of it @abumaryam. I truly understand it. But, here is the thing, do you really think it is realistic "to be like before" after all you went through? After all the things you learnt and saw because of the journey you made? No, it isn't!

I disagree with that sort of goal. Not only is it impossible, but it is also backwards. Why not, instead of looking at how you were before, envision that @abumaryam you would like to be tomorrow, next week, month, year, decade. Now, that is an achievable destination!

One that you can reach with the lessons you learnt from losing your mum. However, feeling guilty about what you didn't do when she was around is just going to slow your journey there! But, avoiding repeating those actions again with other loved members of your family will just get you there quicker.

Would you care yo tell me then, the person you wish to become tomorrow and focus on that? After all, don't forget what we discussed here in this very post. If you focus on who you were before, how will you be a better person in the future?

All the best to you :)

Another fascinating post!! i had no idea about the ''time-travel''experiment that really states how easy it is for a person to change without even noticing it and what impact carry everyday things that we give little to no attention at all. Also before i even check the video i had a feeling it was that one :P I have seen it a couple of years ago and likewise no gorilla in my sight :P

Thankfully i never been in the Dark forest. More like in Brown or Grey Forests but i just acknowledge the issue thinking calmly and then make my choices with only thinking of going forward as a person and ofc if there others that ''hurt'' me i just completely cut ties with them.

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Ha! No gorilla for you too :D @filotasriza3. Acknowledging things calmly is a very wise approach indeed. Particularly when keeping calm in times of adversity is such a difficult task! However, it is the only way one can make sense of things and, consequently, move forward!

Glad you liked the post my dear.
Have a wonderful weekend :)

Hah! Wonderful post as always.

I used to write comment about post traumatic growth in your older post but this time again. Same mechanism of getting better than people have been before "it" happened.

It's wonderful that she had her friend Abigail with her. People's support is more than genetics sometimes. But it is also interesting to take a look at how people differ in their coping skills.

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Hello there @smashedturtle :)

It is good to see you around again! I am glad you liked this post. I am also fascinated by the way different people face and react to their misfortunes.

All the best to you & Take care :D

Hi, it's the first time I've read you and it almost seems like a coincidence.

That dark forest that you talk so much about became so familiar and so real to me, because I have lost myself inside it, I feel powerless and hate to get lost here thanks to that I have developed a social phobia that bothers me in every way.

I feel lost Abigail, between debt, work and stress, emotionally unstable with several suicide attempts because I can not stand or stand in all that I'm involved.

I do not see light, I see no way, I am desperate and scared of myself, I am my worst enemy and I do not know how to deal with myself, I feel that we are two totally different people in a body.

I have tried to change my routine, take my dogs for a walk, write a little, learn something new but I do not see any difference.

It terrifies me to talk about how I feel because it's just the tip of the iceberg, I know there are many more things but I'm scared to go back there.

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Hello @bearmaster :)

Thank you for taking the time to read this post and leave a comment.

I understand you have tried to change you routine, walk your dog etc... but, before that, I suppose it would be helpful if you understood this things take time. First and foremost you need to be patient with yourself. In the same way that some adversities slowly build up in our lives, emotional healing also takes its time. How many times did you try to change your routine? For how long?

Also, it appears to me that you think you are more terrified to talk about your feelings than you really are! You have done a good job here. You were open and honest. You have very concisely described how you feel. Was it really that scary doing that?

You have a job, right? Isn't that a good position to be in? Employed?

Instead of being scared of yourself, why don't you try imagining an improved version of yourself, and make that your final destination? That will pave your way towards a goal, you will not feel so lost then! It will give you a purpose that you can fulfill little-by-little everyday.

Those negative feelings you are nurturing at the moment are truly unhelpful. Keep in mind all the people and things that bound you to this life, and for them face and overcome your difficulties. You will be a great inspiration and example for those who love and care for you :)

I wish you all the best.

Hello dear. all human beings at any time we have visited that dark forest because of the absence of someone, but we have to learn that we have a mission in this world and therefore we have to fight to get out of it, although sometimes we feel that we can no longer , but it's not like that.
Keep going with your friends successes. regards

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It is exactly when we feel that we cannot go further that having a goal in mind comes useful. That is what makes us stand up and keep on walking!

Thank you for your comment @naylenis :)

Hello friend abi. That resilience or space of pain we have felt everyone who has suffered a loss, whether loving, affective or consanguineous and travel is normal to accept or overcome the absence, we must keep in mind that our life continues although it costs us to accept it.

I hope you have a happy weekend

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Absolutely @marlenis, keeping in mind that the journey has not reached its final destination is a good way of putting it. One's final destination should never be the Dark Forest, because we all have the inner-ability and strength to make our way out there! :D

Amazing blog @abigail-dantes

I'm happy that i've found your page here on steemit. I'll follow your blogs.

Regarding divorces , separate lives ... this might the very best trend nowadays and it's an induced state of mind and actions for the new society ... under all is one quote, actually behind the door waits divide et impera more relaxed then ever ... people should be thankful for this ... it's a result of a cause planted as a seed way back in history ... Congrats World :-)

Thanks for sharing this great blog once again @abigail-dantes

Feel free to visit my pages and enjoy my music/art

Regards

interesting
I will always choose and I will accept the surprises and opportunities of life
We just need patience
Thanks for sharing‏..

Hi @abigail-dantes, I would like to ask your support in an initiative of mine to encourage more users to write about history in Steemit. For that to happen, I created a challenge to launch a new tag in Portuguese. Here Follows the post: #FazendoHistoria | O DESAFIO

The result of the challenge will be to reward the best post about history with the profit of this post added to some donations. I am not here asking for any donation, just the support itself, with resteem and maybe upvote, if it's possible.

Thanks in advance for your understanding.Logo-50.png
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Hello @leodelara

It would have been good form if you had taken the time to read and provide at least minimum feedback about the topic being debated here, especially when you are after support. Thank you anyway for letting me know about your project and the tag. It sounds truly interesting. Also, I wish you great success with it :)

Regards.

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Wow what a post you got here
I feel the gravity of truth in this post so nice to see people that still write according to there environment and the people surrounding them
Let me give you a follow because i think you are a interesting individual that i wish to learn some things from follow me too if you feel like
The dark forest 😈😈😈

Hello, very good content, I gave you a vote in favor, I hope you check my blog and give a vote in favor of my new publication, kisses

Well, whenever something happens wrong to me, I start walking by a wrong way , and it's true.

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We all do. Nice quote by pink floyd. Thanks for inspiring us

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Yes, it is :)
Thank you for your nice comment!

This is interesting. Sandra displayed an enormous willpower. it inspired me deeply. I will look keenly forward for more of inspiring stories like this from you.

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She will be pleased to hear she has inspired you @praditya :)

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very good working my friend.

No matters how bad your time is?
005b03e43d2b809187c0.jpeg
What is life? What are you supposed to do? It’s not like babies are shipped with manuals that teach them to be awesome human beings. I think you know the principles. Everyone does. But 99% of all people don’t do what they know??.

Friends, I don't know whether you're referring to being mentally strong or physically, but I want to say one thing that, Life is a journey that must be traveled no matter how bad the roads.

If you believe in yourself and have dedication and pride - and never quit, you'll be a winner. The price of victory is high but so are the rewards.

Don't let fear or insecurity stop you from trying new things. Believe in yourself. Do what you love. And most importantly, be kind to others, even if you don't like them.

Just Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers, you cannot be successful or happy.

Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going.

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers, you cannot be successful or happy.

Hello @abigail-dantes, I am a steemian newbie. I come across with your post related to Psychology. I am to read great psychology post like this. Thank you for sharing your work. Yes, you are right in saying and talking about all the bad times that may happen in a person's life. Yet, it will always depend on how we cope with any negative moments that may occur in our existence. Each individual may differ on how they cope as what you have mentioned. At the end of the day, it all depends in us because what happened to us either within our control or beyond our control, it is just us who knows how to perceive our emotions. Thanks for this very nice sharing.

Great job friend. awesome job friend.

This captivated me in a phenomenal way, it was like reading a good book that I did not want to end, thanks for that reading

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Thank you very much for your very nice words :)

I am waiting for your book and will buy it Abigail 😁

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It will take a while @samidbarid :) but, it pleases me to know that I am going to sell at least a copy! 😉

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But I would like an original ☝️

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Well, Samid, as one of my first supporters I think you more than deserve one! :D

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It's really hard work to support you abigail^^
I am happy!

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Or maybe two copies - from me too 😃

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😂 Sammy you deserve the original! 😍

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Wow!! You're awesome Abbey 😍

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Whaaaaattttt?!? Wait wait wait which Sami do you mean now 😱😂😂😂😂

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Whaaaaaattt?!? Wait wait wait which Sami do you mean now 😱😂😂😂😂

hello dear abi I hope you are well ...
I identify with the theme of this week because I consider that at least 10 people have gone through that dark moment in their lives, some stronger than others, but they have lived it and then leaving there will depend on the conviction and decision with the that they assume what they want for their present and future. and I always keep in mind every time a bad time approaches in my life that calm comes after the storm. Happy afternoon and a lot of health !!!!

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Lovely words @julybm :D

Absolutely, the bad times don't last forever do they? This is a great, useful understanding to have in times of adversity!

Have a wonderful day :*

thanks! couldn't stop reading... such a deep thoughts

@abigail-dantes, Not everyone can succeed, but everyone can try to be successful. Factors "circumstances" are very influential on one's success, but that does not mean we have to blame the circumstances and luck that we have.

Your use of the quote by @lordneroo is so appropriate - even though, I imagine, it's originally unrelated - that it's brilliant!

The post has a good storylike quality, you bring it full circle by the end in a way that gives emotional closure.

As for me, I'm always troubled by psychologists trying to get people out of the mud. I just don't understand why that's seen as the correct thing to do. Is there a hedonist or optimist presupposition in what they do?

For example, I believe you know the Buddha story, how he came to be enlightened because he saw an old person, a sick person, a dead person, and then came upon his ideas that all is impermanent and the goal of life is to escape it.

Now imagine this Buddha having access to a positive thinking psychologist! Would we lose the entire philosophy of Buddhism?

Would we lose the Emile Ciorans of this world and the Bukowskis and the Schopenhauers and other pessimists of their ilk?

Maybe, through Sandra's pain, another woman in another time would invent feminism (because she would see that what men do is unfair or whatever, let's say men get remarried after a divorce but women don't have the right to).

What I'm saying is, pain is usually the signal life gives us to give us some new insights. Many people I know who go through a breakup don't really get over it, they just quite literally forget it. And then they end up in the same mess with a different person.

I'm of course the type of person who tends to time-travel. I describe it in similar terms. I say that the past, present and future get meshed together, they have equal weight - I don't see why they shouldn't. I also believe great novelists exhibit these qualities of "never forgetting" and it's what leads them to gather emotional memories and go over them again and again in their minds until they find the perfect way to express them. A novelist always lives in the past!

I think it's to a large degree what separated us from the animals. That's why Zebras don't get ulcers, as the author put it: they don't remember, they don't get stuck on things. We, as humans, do.

I think the way we perceive time is very important and perhaps an understudied area in psychology. Zimbardo I remember did some experiments with time, and he found that kids that could postpone satisfaction and who thought more about the future grew up to be more successful, and other studies show that people who think more about the past are more intelligent, since ruminating on a topic tends to do that.

You see it in our reaction toward an animal who remembers its owner forever, like the famous Japanese dog who waited for its owner every day at the train station until it died. People put up a statue for it. Why? Because we admire those qualities, because we think that an animal that exhibits them is in some sense more advanced - more human - than animals who quickly forget. Sandra's qualities may be with us because evolution (or the peer group) favored them at some point in our past. I think they are wonderful qualities. It's just too bad they caused her so much suffering. Obviously the specific person wanted to get out of that rut, and needed to, but in general I think these qualities are precious and need more investigating and maybe some statue-making :D

What a fantastic article. Ego is a terrifying beast. Resteemed!

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