Old writings from 2009

Sometimes it's lonely. Even with other bodies constantly in motion around you. I miss the people I know often. Building new relationships is the most difficult process. I feel the need to change for acceptance but I have been putting forth a great deal of effort to stay true to myself. Although the people I formerly surrounded myself with may not be the best in fact they could possibly be the worst there was a comfort zone, some kind of unspoken connection. I miss and love them for the comfort that time created between us and time again is the only answer. I can work so excessively toward that ideal feeling again, but it would only be in vain. Time brings true comfort in life because learning takes time. The human brain never quits absorbing information and time stops for nothing. The two most infinite things in life, time and knowledge.

There are some days where family brings no hope, where there is no joy or innocence in children only foul smells and random sticky substances. Some days turn into months and months snowball themselves into years. Years of dead end jobs, a sexless marriage, and your balding husband jerking off in the shower. You find yourself checking out diet books from the library, watching Dr. Phil with puffs brand kleenex in one hand. All those fried pork chops seemed to have softened your heart for daytime television, while slowly softening your butt, thighs and anything else formerly attractive. Working towards that American dream while those funky new liberals are raising the divorce rate and the population at the same time. An American dream, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with no crusts, a mini van, house slippers, a mid life crisis. Days are numbered, every time you forget that just look at your calendar.