"Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No Pockets." -- Jerry Seinfeld

That cracked me up quite hard. I didn't remembered that one from Jerry.

"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." - Groucho Marx

That one cracked me up even harder.

"You ever been so broke the bank begins to charge you money for not having enough money... You ever had negative money? That's depressive. You look in your bank account... negative 10$. That's how much I have now. Negative 10. That means I don't even have no money. I wish I did. I wish I didn't had anything, I wish I just had nothing but I have less than that. I don't have none. I have not 10. If it's free I can't afford it." Louis CK