Prison for Assholes - Interlude

The caterpillar

It was the middle of summer, almost half of our concrete triangle yard was in the sun. We congregated against the fence. As usual it was peeler who led the conversation. He didn't like silence, but lucky for us he was a seriously funny guy. Peeler was the kind of guy who would throw the chess board across the room just before you beat him, or punch a hole in a wall if a screw pissed him off. But he would help you given half a chance, and he would have us all in stitches with his impressions and wisecracks and dancing.

Today was no different and he was on good form when someone spotted an intruder in the yard. Hey up Veggy, yer mate's come to break you out, he says to me. We all follow his finger to a large green caterpillar around 5 yards right in front of me. The laughter gets Peeler going. How the fuck did you get him in Veggy and what you gonna do, wait till he's a butterfly and carry you off? The little guy is on the move. Ian joins in. He's heading for you Veggy, he's brought you a message from your mum. The little guy keeps moving, sure enough he's heading straight for me. I'm sat with my knees up, leant against the fence. Fucking el Veggy, there's no stopping him, he's attracted to the smell of lettuce. By this time people are literally getting excited, the little dude has been heading straight for me for 3 yards now with no sign of stopping. A couple of people get up to have a closer look.

He's a foot away from my shoe and I stay still, all the time I'm just quiet, smiling, and urging him to keep coming towards me because it's the funniest thing to happen in days. He loves you Veggy. It's your long lost cousin. He's climbing on him. Fucking is as well! Maybe a dozen guys are shouting and laughing and getting excited as a green caterpillar crawls up my leg. He gets right up to my knee and I lean in with my face close. He gets up on his back legs and looks around. It really is like he is talking to me. I put an ear near him. Right, thanks for letting me know I say. Some of the younger guys can't contain their excitement, they are jumping around in laughter and shouting stuff. The guard has been watching too with a big smile on his face. The caterpillar keeps on crawling, completely oblivious to the uproar he has caused.

What did he say Veggy? He says I'm getting out tonight. True story.