Dear Diary: Appearance Is Important For Me But My Appearance Went South

It is just good sometimes that I am also having some fruits along with my regular meals otherwise I won't be able to enjoy it entirely. Also I am not drinking water most of the time but pineapple juice and or energy drink both of which are tasty just to add some calories, nutrition, and for me to swallow a few bites that I can able to eat which is just half a cup if I am lucky.

I am also thankful that I can eat my breakfast which is just some stir-fried noodles and I eat it with rice. I was thinking of buying a bunch of it, have it to get stored in our refrigerator's chiller section and have it to get warmed up whenever I want to eat.

There is just something in a stir-fried noodles that I was liking, maybe the celery or just the umami factor. Nonetheless it gives me at least some form of nutrition because of the protein, iron, and minerals from the chicken liver and gizzard it contains.

After breakfast I really cannot eat anything anymore and I am just forcing myself to go get some because not eating will really make me lose some weight some more and I do not want that to happen since I am just like... if you put plastic on me I could fly like a kite.

I am so thinned-out already that stray cats gets attracted to my bones thinking that they were fish bones. But dogs doesn't seem to care maybe because no nutrition they can get from my body, probably will get poisoned because of the toxins that had accumulated all these years.

I was vain before, and I did planned to buy some whitening cream just to make my skin fairer because I know that appearance matters a lot for most people (except to those that look at your heart) and they judge you by the way you look and prejudge (prejudice) you if you look different as I have experienced personally myself.

But things went ugly for me literally as my appearance was first hit, I went full-blown ugly so hideous looking that even my brother could not look at me anymore while I was talking to him at one time.

But I did noticed before that people really treated me rather differently as I was going into a negative metamorphosis with my appearance so it made me think people as being so hostile and a reason to avoid which made me shy away more from them until I am not accepting guests anymore to visit me.

That is my life, I was wanting something but the opposite happened like somebody is always telling me "Thou Shalt Not Pass." It is quite a life, quite a life indeed this was, is, and will be.