Since my last post things have changed somewhat in my circumstances.
I had a private scan at 16 weeks and the lady confirmed that one of the babies is 100% a boy (We could see this too).
I can really see his father in his facial features already!
Initially she thought that the other baby was a boy too but she couldn't be 100% sure because it's possible that the baby's hand was what she had seen. I thought I saw clearly that it was a girl.
I bought a few bits because I was confident that I was carrying one of each.
At 18 weeks I returned and at this appointment it was confirmed that the second baby is a little girl.
****Sad news alert!!*****
Unfortunately my partner and I broke up three weeks ago. I have been really down, mainly because I love him of course, but also because my children are not going to have the family life we had planned to have with them and I was really quite attached to that dream.
We were about to move to a house semi-rural and I was looking forward to not being so unwell so I could run that home and become proper 'mumsy' again like I did when I first had my son and also looked after my 4 step-children for 9 years.
But I have accepted that we are not right for each other. We were good friends for thirteen years before we got together a couple of years ago so I am confident that we can be again. My disappointment will fade and perhaps soon I will manage to stop loving him the way I did or do. I have no intention of denying my children their real father in their lives as much as he wants to be in it, and he says he wants to be a full time father to them as much as us living apart will allow. I do of course have to also be prepared to do the majority of this alone because it will just be me and the twins the majority of the time!
I am pleased that he feels this way. Of course many things could happen in either of our lives to change things, but if the intention is to make it work as both friends and parents then perhaps it may become sustainable whilst moving on and meeting new partners some day.
I can't exactly date anybody whilst I am pregnant and I am not going to have the time or energy for a boyfriend once the babies are born so I just need to accept that it's just me and the children for the forseeable future. I am sad not to have somebody to share my life with and to go on dates with, or to tell me I am still lovely when pregnancy gets the better of me, or to feel the movements from the babies when they have their daily gymnastics class in my uterus!
And of course there is nobody to be 'romantic' with now....
This is of course me being selfish. The children are the most important thing and so if I can manage to sustain a good relationship with their father and we are both focusing our attention on them (and our own sons of course), then perhaps it can all work out okay?
Only time and effort will tell on this one....
Last week I lost some water that was unexplained. I was given internal examinations and scans and everything appeared as it should. I have read many theories on what this could be from 'the twins make me carry too much water' to 'it must've been urine' but the truth is I don't know what it was now. The important thing is of course that the twins are as they should be! :D
I am still vomiting every day but I am nowhere near as unwell and lethargic as I was. I am getting much more housework and odd jobs done now which has made my mood better too! Just taking everything day by day for now because I really don't have any other option.
The consultant has said that he would like to deliver the babies at 37 weeks by C-Section if I have not had them naturally by then. The risks to a natural birth are previous scars splitting in labour he said. I really hoped I could have a natural birth this time. We agreed that if I go into labour before the 37 weeks I can try for a natural birth but they will be prepared to perform an emergency C-Section if needed. I am happy with this plan.
He would like me to attend scans every 2 week now until the babies are born. This is reassuring to know that I they are being checked so regularly.
I can not wait to meet them. Harriet Grace and Joseph Charles. (But this is subject to change upon their appearance at birth)