Tides

Sometimes I'm too tired to think, and sometimes I just don't want to feel anything, and then I just want to escape...

A big moon shines in the star filled night too much, and my strength lets me down; I cannot talk all at once; how can I let go and surrender to it all this lonely place upon a life that strives to know more but knows so little; and am filled with the circumstances of the thoughts that come from below.

I strive to be more, but am dragged down into something I would walk away from, and many times I have, but yet, here I am, still, striving to escape. There are too many doors to make sense of it all…

AN ESCAPE EVENT

Was I going to escape or not, it was too hard to say as the horizontal disposition of an almost hero was biting the dust one more time to become more, or not, whatever on some another border crossing where the ‘revolutionary thunder’ they say, is what we need.

Further to this and not to be confused with anything less than incendiary so long as it has a doctor’s note the hungry machine, that killing beast of confusion was not partly in decline as some would have us believe but was acting normal, which is to say something was going on that was not being dealt with and causing a disparity among the pundits of talkative chatter, etc, etc.

But all I really wanted to know was: where was the wherewithal going to come from so that I could escape.

TOO TIRED TO THINK ANYMORE

I was tired of the abundance dance and being asked over and over why I don't try anymore to be like them in their prayers of asking where the holy goof shines to be free and the lines stretch to be crossed to where I would be if only.

No, the cursed life shines for no one at all.

I gave up asking you long ago, remember, that night of alone where I cried into the dark night all I was...remember, I said I would never ask you ever again...you hurt me too much, to my very soul you hurt me, and now I can find no trust or love for you; send your army to heal me, to find me alone, forever alone...I accept nothing from you...there is no healing from this...I am tired now of your abundance dance...be gone from me, leave me alone in my dying, it is all I have left in your holy grave where you put me to curse you.

Think:

It's hard to think freely when the mind goes around and around on the negative, and also real thinking comes not from the mind that is most used but by the inner mind, that's where the real free thinking comes from, but to listen to that means you have to make the most used mind quiet, and there's the rub of it, how to make that part silent so you can hear the inner you.

TIDES

You’d better jump in quick before the tide goes out, they said, from the sidelines.

I was not thinking about anything like that as I was going along and minding my own business and hoping not to be noticed for anything; for whatever they were offering I wanted none of it.

But was it me that wanted this, or was it someone else invading my mind with their death machines, or perhaps both?

I find it hard to work out that kind of stuff so I took out the whisky and dropped a pill and took a seat by the fireside burning brightly from the ministrations of the wife who was around somewhere, but god knows where for I’d not seen her in years.

You know, clever people have said there are waves of being that go beyond all I have known so far, but when I asked them for a clue they gave me the ten thousand workings of where I was not.

Ah, I was feeling sophisticated so I blew them a kiss and went and drove a tractor somewhere someplace for a while, until I’d done it enough, and then what was I supposed to do with the thinking that came over me, and hung around for a while until I’d burnt all the bridges that were holding me back?

Well, I grew up after a while, and found that my shoes were worn out down to the bone and just wouldn’t go any further in the tides that were turning; and so a part of me was opened to spread the news of what was wanted to say anything that made sense to anyone listening, if that is what they wanted.

This may have been another clue, or just as well it could have been a red herring marching along in the wind that was blowing it all away faster than anyone could think; oh pity the poor sods who can’t think.

So I made a pact there and then to never go back and visit any of those bridges I’d left behind long ago that I’d crossed over to get far away.

Eventually I got to the ocean and sat down to watch the tides turning, but I was not ready to jump in yet, I only had space to let them all go in their coming and going.

And as they all floated away waving madly at me I sent a quick telegram to the taxi company to come pick me up at once, but when they asked me where was I, there was nothing I could think of, and so thanked them most profusely and began a chant I’d learnt long ago by some saint passed away before time began.

Sometime later I was exhausted by all this, as you can imagine, and so decided to pay a visit to the landlord to see if I owed him any rent.

He invited me in and did a little dance before I said what I’d come to say, which was not the first time, or any time in fact, since I’d moved in, but hey, who was I to rock the boat.

And then he brought out the whisky and before long we were dancing on the tables and everything was forgotten for that night at least.

Image from Pixabay