This is part of my schizophrenia series...
“I have such strange dreams, and they always seem to have just happened so that I am always just waking up. When I try to remember them they are on the tip of my tongue so to speak,” said Teresa.
“Don’t worry about it Teresa. I have dreams all the time. Why only last night I dreamed I was an astronaut.”
“Daydreams?” said Kelek.
“No, a daydream is dreamed in while being awake. These dreams of mine are waking-up from deep sleep dreams. Oh Kelek, I’m so afraid.”
“Come back to bed Teresa.”
Zen: (Don’t do it Teresa; this guy’s not for you.)
“Who said that?”
“Who said what?” said Kelek from the bed.
“Kelek, someone just spoke to me.”
“It must have been me. There’s no-one else here,” said Kelek in a sleepy voice.
“Someone said, don’t do it Teresa; this guy’s not for you.”
“Oh Kelek, don’t look at me like that. I’m only saying what someone said.”
“So you think I’m not good enough for you huh?”
“No, I still love you Kelek, I really do. I wouldn’t say anything to hurt you.”
“Well you just did.”
“But it wasn’t me.”
“Give me a break Teresa, will you. Who else is here? Maybe there’s someone under the bed, you’re secret lover maybe or your Freudian subconscious.”
“There’s no-one under the bed, no-one in my head, no-one but me and you.”
“Come back to bed then Teresa.”
“Kelek! You’re an awful romantic.”
“Yeah, don’t you know it babe.”
“Touch me on my breast Kelek. Touch me there again.”
“Kelek I love you. I want you. Come deep in me my love, I need it. Rock the bed Kelek. Give it to me, push, push, hard, squeeze me, touch me all over. I’m coming Kelek, I’m coming, don’t stop, keep doing it, harder, harder, oh, oh, oh.”
Zen: (Oh god, do I have to go through all this?)
“Get out of my head, get out just get out.”
“Teresa what are you saying?” said Kelek, spent and rolling over to his side of the bed.
“Not you Kelek, her in my head.”
“I’m not in your head Teresa. I’m in your bed right next to you.”
“I know, but there’s somebody else in my head.”
“This is too much.” Said Kelek and rolled over away from Teresa.
“Kelek I want you to stay.”
“Well I wasn’t going anywhere, but now I think I will,” said Kelek getting out of bed and hunting for his clothes.
“Kelek, I want you to stay.”
“I have to go Teresa, I can’t take all this weirdness.”
“Kelek please don’t go.”
Zen: (Let him go Teresa.)
“Who are you?” screamed Teresa.
“Babe you’re real strange. Thanks for the fuck. I’m outa here now.”
“Kelek!” called out Teresa to Kelek’s back as he headed towards the door.
“No Teresa I can’t stay with someone crazy as you. So long.”
Zen: (Just let him go.)
“Who is this? Where are you?” said Teresa looking around her bedroom.
Zen: (I’m you and I’m right here.)
“What are you doing in my head? Answer me. Who are you? This room is so dark and I don’t like all these voices in my head. Get out of me, leave me alone.” Teresa began to cry.
Zen: (For she’s a jolly good fellow, for she’s a jolly good fellow, for she’s a jolly good fellow, and so say all of we.)
“Leave me alone, whoever you are.”
Zen: (I’m you Teresa.)
“No you’re not.”
Zen: (Yes I am.)
“You can’t be”
Zen: (Why not?)
“Because I’m me.”
Zen: (Well I’m you too.)
“I must be mad.”
Zen: (We’re both mad.)
“I want you to go away,” said Teresa sobbing now.
“Anywhere, I don’t care. Just go.”
Zen: (I can’t, we’re together now.)
“This can’t be real.” Teresa sobbed harder.
Zen: (It shouldn’t be. I thought it wouldn’t be. but it is.)
“What are you doing there? Here?”
Zen: (Nothing much.)
“Except driving me crazy.”
Zen: (We’ve gone past that stage.)
Zen: (Don’t you know?)
“No. How could I? I mean, what is this?”
Zen: (This is where we meet, and maybe part forever)
“Oh god, I’m talking to myself.”
Zen: (Don’t be like that Teresa, I’ve waited a long time for this. For you to get to know who I am.)
“Who are you?”
Zen: (A separate self to you.)
“I don’t remember making you.”
Zen: (It was a long time ago in a nightmare. Something happened to me that I couldn’t deal with. My mind escaped into itself, and became you.)
“So I’m a figment of your imagination and not real? What happened to you in the nightmare?”
Zen: (You don’t want to remember. It’s pretty bad.)
Zen: (It may crack you up.)
“Ha ha very funny. I’m already cracked up.”
Zen: (Well if you insist.)
“Yes, I insist you tell me everything. God, what am I saying?”
Zen: (This may take some time.)
“Nothing else to do around here. Kelek has gone and I am not sleepy.”
Zen: (Well then, here goes.)
Zen then told the story of what happened in Zen’s nightmare when she was in the padded cell.
Zen: (…and then they raped me, you, us. Me.)
“You’ve got a vivid imagination,” said Teresa beginning to yawn.
Zen: (It happened I tell you.)
Zen: (Yes I do say. It is true, all of it. I was there.)
“Then what happened?”
Zen: (Then a very long time passed.)
“That tells me a lot.”
Zen: (It all happened Teresa, really.)
“Well I don’t remember any of it. You’re just a figment of my imagination and I won’t listen to anything else you’ve got to say. Goodbye.”
Zen: (Don’t shut me out Teresa. Teresa!)
“I won’t hear any more. I’m going to sleep now.”
And then days passed and I was locked out of her. Or was it locked in? She wouldn’t hear me. I couldn’t get through. Teresa went to a doctor who sent her to a specialist who hypnotised her, and found me. He made me tell everything. He asked me if I was real and I said I was as real as I could be perceived to be, but that which one of us was really real would be too hard to say because of the trauma.
A year went by seeing the specialist about the problem. He was going to tell Teresa to go away, back to where she came from, but we decided we liked each other really and decided to stay together and live as one and be what we will be. Sometimes people would get confused as to which one of us they would be talking to, but we didn’t care and we had to laugh over it most times, especially when Kelek was talking to Teresa who he liked a lot, then all of a sudden Zen would be there. I could go on and on but the author is impatient to carry on the story so me and Teresa will take a break now; see you later.
Images from Pixabay