Postpartum Depression...A man's experience

After the birth of our third child things were not the same in our house. It seemed like as parents we were pulled in too many different directions. Our energy levels were always close to empty, even when waking up in the morning. Both my wife and I just didn't seem to be able to get ahead of life. Another thing that I noticed is that my wife would call to talk to me at work 3 or 4 times a day. She didn't seem to have anything that she needed to talk to me about but she would call. Sometimes she would just hand the phone to our other children and let them talk and other times she would just stay on the phone without saying anything. Fortunately, I had a job that allowed me to be on the phone and still accomplish my other tasks. Unfortunately, I did not know that I did not know that she was suffering and needed something from me that I could not give. Here is my story of my experience with postpartum depression.

First off I want to clarify something. I want to clarify the difference between postpartum depression and depression in general. My clarification will be the simple version but I hope it will help if you are wondering. All people on this planet will experience depression at some point in their life. This is simply anytime that you are down on yourself, your situation or your life. Sometimes this down time can be easy to work through as you continue forward in life. At other times this down time can be more difficult and can disrupt or stop your forward momentum. When I say down I am referring to an emotional state where you have lost motivation, doubt yourself, doubt others, can't see past a situation, maybe feel helpless or hopeless, you may feel alone, abandoned or like you have little or no worth. This is more in the realm of your thoughts and feelings because you can be in perfect physical shape and still experience depression. Postpartum depression can only be experienced by a very specific segment of the worlds population and not everyone in that segment will experience it. That is women who have been pregnant and have given birth, lost a baby and even those who have had an abortion. Again not all women will experience this but many do and many of those women don't know that they can get help. My wife and I knew little about this and even less about getting help!

Some studies show that women who give birth to male children are more likely to experience postpartum depression. Although the sex of the child may contribute there are many other factors that also contribute and most of those factors are way out of the hands of the mother. In our case the third child was a boy; however, that was not the only factor. We had a home birth and one of the midwives did not show up which meant that I had extra duties. When my wife needed me the most during contractions I was not always there. This caused undue stress on her and the midwife. Although my wife had said she wanted a water birth the midwife did not want to do it because the second midwife did not show. Just before the last push the midwife told my wife to get out of the birthing pool. When she stood up the boy dropped out. Fortunately, I was close enough to catch him. Because my wife was standing when our son arrived she tore very badly. This meant that even though she had a natural birth she would need to go to the hospital to have major repair surgery.

When my wife came home from the hospital she started to experience postpartum depression. She didn't know what was going on and I didn't know either. As time went I tried to get home earlier by skipping lunch at work and I helped more around the house thinking that she needed more rest and recovery time. I know she appreciated the extra help but it wasn’t enough and neither of us knew it. I think it was around three months after the birth that she told me that she thought something was wrong.

It was late at night, we were in bed and I was just about to fall asleep when she said into the dark, "I need to tell you something." I asked what it was. She then said that she thought that she was suffering from postpartum depression. Since she had suffered a little after the birth of our first child I at first didn't think this was a big deal but I asked her why she thought she was. She then shared a truth that broke my heart. My wife said into the dark, "I keep having dreams and visions that I kill you and the kids." Some may ask why I wasn't concerned for my life but rather had a broken heart. Here is why I was less concerned about my safety and more concerned about my wife.

My wife was born with more love than most people. She was also born with an internal drive to have children and to love them with everything she had. Her pregnancies were all very difficult. She was sick the whole time, she had difficulties nursing and in every way was challenged. Through all of the pregnancy trials she never complained because she knew that she was doing something special for these children. She sacrificed everything for our small family. There was never any worry that she would harm these little ones or harm me. So when she said those words I said, "lets find you some help." In this case my wife did not just suffer from postpartum depression she was experiencing postpartum psychosis. Without treatment we could have lost her.

Our first stop was the Doctor's office. The doctor prescribed some very heavy anti psychotic drugs to help with the visions and dreams. At first we thought that this was all we needed. There wasn't a lot of information about postpartum depression and it seemed that the medical professionals thought that medication would cure everything. Fortunately, for our family my wife was not satisfied with that option alone. The medication did help right away but it deadened her feelings and she became more like a zombie than a person. Her research lead her to a woman who had suffered through postpartum depression several times. This woman now spends her time helping, educating and listening to other mom's like my wife. This proved to be even more powerful than the medication.

I know more about depression, postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis now than I did in 2005 when our son was born. Today my wife is healthy along with our six children and we live in Arizona. Now both my wife and I share our experience, as often as we can, in hope that other women who have already sacrificed so much do not have to suffer. Through the work that I do I have learned how to help those who are suffering from postpartum depression. This may sound strange because I will never suffer personally from it; however, I was there and I did learn some valuable lessons. If you or someone you love is experiencing postpartum depression call today to see if the work we do is right for your situation.