First I have to say I adore your writing style! The imagery (which I typically have a hard time with in general) is vivid and intense as well as the natural speaking you add in there.

I loved your overcoming story, a death of somebody close and frequently interacted with is traumatic on anyone! It reminds me of my best friend being killed in a car accident about 15 years ago. It didn't sink in until I saw him in the open casket at the funeral, at which point I utterly broke down.

I did realize (which you touched on as well) that I felt two aspects of grieving over his death;

• the feeling of what I lost, the time with him, being able to call him on the phone, all the things the I could no longer do
• the feeling of what he lost, his family lost..all focused in my case on my best friend

While I no way to prove it, I like to believe that there is a part of us that is permanent and returns into the ocean of consciousness that is the Universe. Because my friend was the 'trickster' type I still enjoy imagining that it's him messing with my lights, electronics, or other strangeness that I see.

Thank you so much for posting this amazing story of what you overcame, how, and what you bloomed into!