Porn Star & distractions

I’m walking around in Bisbee tonight.
I’ve Had a bit to drink and I’m on my way home.
Home... he was my home and he made it evident to me that it’s the way he wanted me to feel.
I hear people laughing, telling jokes and carrying on without a care in the world.
I want to tell it to stop. All of it. I want to tell everyone that my heart is broken and that I shouldn’t be here.
I should be with him. Sleeping on his chest and being woken up by his deep sleep, snoring.

Everything is a distraction now. From taking a shower, a New hobby is working out at the gym, and now this burlesque show I’ll be performing in soon.
Nothing compares to sitting outside with him and talking about the weather or walking the trail at Ramsey.

I must have a “broken and single” sign across my face. Everywhere I go I’m confronted by men. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but him and my children.

I met an awesome person tonight. Her stage name is “ Madison May. “
A decently famous porn Star, from what I hear. She asked me if I’d ever consider being in a “show “ with her. I told her about my recent breakup. How he compared me to a “used car “ with “too many miles.”
She scoffed and I showed her my “problem areas. “
She told me I was beautiful and then gave me her number just in case I changed my mind.
That won’t happen but it made me feel better, temporarily.

Tonight I had a tiny boost of confidence by a beautiful woman, but tomorrow, when the sun hurts my eyes, I’ll be thinking of him.
The way he told me I was perfect to him. The way he held me like I was the only one for him.
Nothing will ever be the same again. Life has lost its original luster and I find myself doing things, saying things, totally outside of my character.

Sure, I had fun tonight with my new friend. We’re getting brunch tomorrow but it’s all a distraction from the only man I’ve ever truly loved.

Much Love & sweet dreams,
Elise