Gratitude – a short story

Funmi sat impatiently, casting furtive glances at the hall’s entrance. The hall was already filled up, and the class was to start in ten minutes, she looked at her wristwatch, and turned to stare back at the door, as if willing the appearance of Tomi.

Agitation swept through her, this was exactly the reason she never lent out her notebooks, and that she had done so without initially refusing, just went to show how annoyingly persuasive Tomi was, she didn’t even have to ask her twice. Which if you knew Funmi, would know it indeed took a miracle.

A shadow appeared at the door, and seconds later, the Phy 261 lecturer’s bulky pot-belled frame filled the doorway. Funmi knotted her fist in sudden anger. Now she was going to have to use another note to write down the day’s lesson, and thereafter transfer it to the original note. Double labour for her.

Her phone blinked beside her, and she dashed to pick it up noting the caller id.

“Where are you?” she spoke in a hushed icy voice, she was too pissed to observe the formalities, “-well, too bad, he’s already in class, you’re definitely not going to get in.

Mr. Bassey was notorious for his strict teaching rules. When he had first introduced himself to them, he let them know all; one of which was, I will be the last person to enter this class, and the first to leave.

Now Funmi was pained, not only was she going to have to recopy the note, she would do so recalling that her main notes were only a few feet away (Tomi had gotten to the building) and she couldn’t get to it.

The next ten minutes, changed her perception of Tomi, from anger- to respect- to admiration and then to envy.

He let her into the class, and because he wouldn’t have been fair, letting others hang outside, when someone who came much later, went inside, he granted every other person access into the class. Leading the students, to burst into a rupturing ovation.

“How did you do it?” she asked, as Tomi slipped her ten in one notebook back to her, and joined her, on the row of seat.

Tomi smiled. “I don’t know. He’s not as mean as he seems.”

Funmi was certain he was, hell, everyone was certain he was, Funmi was sure it all had to do with Tomi’s beauty, no one could say no to her, not her course mates, not her friends and apparently, not even the lecturers.

For a brief second, Funmi lapsed into the thought of ‘what if’ but since she couldn’t compare to the beauty she imagined Tomi possessed, much more alter hers,’ she made a resolution to at least tap into some of that favour it gave her.

She had the brains, Tomi had the beauty, they- together would make a wonderful team. While she would help with the school work, Tomi’s popularity would rub off on her.

How wrong she was.

Because the longer time she spent time with Funmi, the more depressed she grew about her own life, she wished she had Tomi’s life, she imagined how better her life would have been if were Tomi. How life would have been so much better for her.

Funmi’s parents were better well to do than Tomi’s, Funmi wouldn’t have known if Tomi didn’t tell her…she dressed better and even owned better gadgets than her. She lived in her own self-furnished apartment, while Funmi stayed in the hostel accommodation provided for her by the school.

What happened five days later, would plunge Funmi into a whole new level of remorse.

The day had started off normal. They weren’t supposed to have any lecture until noon. Her roommate was already getting ready for lectures, and she didn’t want to be alone the room so she decided to pay Tomi a surprise visit.

Fourteen minutes later, she got to the Estate where Tomi stayed. The doors and windows were closed, and for a split second, Funmi worried that she had wasted her time coming, seeing as she should have called first to ask if she was around.

She picked up her phone dialed her number, but after the tenth unanswered ring, she decided to return home. Then something caught her eye. It was Tomi’s red slippers. Tomi’s favourite slippers. The single strap with the furry covering.

It wasn’t just the slippers, it was the positioning. One was slung far into the corner of the balustrade, and the other was lying face side down. Tomi wasn’t careless, she wouldn’t have left her slippers that way. And so she went to the door, and banged.

Which only attracted the neighbours, but no Tomi.

Funmi was overwhelmed with worry, she was sure Tomi was inside, something had happened to her. The police were called, and the door was broken down. The serene condition of the sitting room, made her re-think and wonder if she had just made a fool of herself. Dragging her feet, scared of what would happen if they concluded she had just played a prank on them, she moved onto Tomi’s room, already planning the tale she was going to give to wriggle herself from the commotion she had just caused.

She didn’t know when the screech left her mouth. Couldn’t explain what happened next, she remembered seeing Tomi spurred on the white linen bed, only she appeared sleeping, one hand hanging off the bed, and that was when she noticed the trail of red on the floor.

She felt the rush of blood to her head, felt the nauseating feeling, she tasted the food she had eaten the night before, and then she blacked out.

**
It wasn’t murder, the tests showed- it was suicide. Even the tests weren’t needed to conclude that, it was just carried out for formality sake. Her house gave her away- her closet more like. It was discovered Tomi kept a box full of self-written hate notes in her closet, she had been tormented by her fears, she had locked up pictures of her face crossed out with red ink, and some blotted out completely. No one could believe that someone so full of life could have been going through all of that. Tomi was always smiling, she had more friends than she needed. She couldn’t have possibly been fighting the demons of depression. What could have caused it?

Theories where drawn up. Cans of worms were opened. Tomi didn’t have any surviving parent, Tomi’s real name wasn’t even Tomi. Her parents had died in a freak accident when she was ten, there was a probability she had caused it.
Funmi was ashamed, to think she had envied her life without even the faintest idea of what she was going through.
But if there was anything, Funmi came out a different person. For years she couldn’t get over the thought that she could have prevented Tomi’s death if she had just paid a little more attention to her and less to her nagging low self-esteem.

She learned there was no perfect life, and never to take anything at face value. She underwent months of therapy and came out with a totally renewed view of life.

You can’t change the past, but you can influence the future.

Most times we are driven to think less of ourselves by our judgment of what we think we should be, and what we should own. We become very unsatisfied with our lives, and we constantly try to out ourselves, living beyond our means, and setting unrealistic high expectations.

We take happiness at face value, certain that what we don’t have would make us happier because someone seems so happy with it. We think the more we own, the better our lives would be. We judge people at face value, ignorant of the fact that each person has a different cross to bear. We forget that everyone has problems, and one’s burden isn’t and shouldn’t be compared to another’s.

Be grateful what you have.

Be grateful for who you are, and keep an open mind to the people around you. Be friends with someone without playing a covetous card of what is to be gotten from his/her friendship. Be friends with someone because you admire him/her, not envy.

Say a kind word to someone every day. You don’t know how long that might go in the life of that person. Invest in people- time, care, attention, anything… you don’t know whose life you might be saving.

Photo credits: Pixabay(free images)