Why USA & Canada Need To Merge Into One Country

   The United States Of Canada

Make way for President Justin Bieber! In our land of estrogenic teenage girls and grown men with guilty pleasures, this type of farcical combination of pop culture and politics would be nothing special. In fact, the first startling question that would be on everyone’s mind is, “Wait a minute, can the President of the US be a Canadian?”

Well, of course not, since Canada is a whole other country. Except when you think about it, with such a blend of entertainment and culture, it’s really hard to believe Canada and the US are separate at all. Most people can’t even tell Bieber is from Canadian roots. Yet, we acknowledge our neighbor, Canada, as a whole other realm. 

Isn’t it strange, being connected to the 48 states and Alaska, that Canada has more access to the United States than the United States has access to itself? Since the two make up a majority of the North Western Hemisphere, how much power and influence could one-fourth of the world accumulate? How much more could we further technology and facilitate everyday life by fusing our intelligence agencies and programs? 

Connecting The Dots 

For one thing, if we merge with Canada, we’ll be able to reach Alaska! This is imperative, because isolating their culture has taken a toll on the state. That is to say, Alaska has been known to harbor people like Christopher McCandless who decide to abandon society who decide to survive in the wild or become igloo-inhabiting eskimos who are cut off from the outside world. 

Arguably, you can’t blame them for dropping out of civilizations and transitioning into survivalists. Provided that they’re so ignored from the civilization they’re supposedly a part of, they might as well! They don’t even participate in honored American traditions such as the Super Bowl.  

All things considered, there have been studies showing that their freezing temperature can cause depression. The atmosphere of Alaska hovers ominously above our fellow US citizens with it’s snowflakes, harsh winds, and feelings of melancholy. Hence, we’re literally leaving them alone in the cold. What’s stopping them from seceding from the US? It’d be part two of the Civil War. In spite of this, interaction with this state could ease with our newfound, enlarged country.  

Accommodating to their cold conditions, large construction and infrastructure projects could be conducted throughout the whole northern area. We could live up to our name of the United States of America (with the exception of Hawaii of course, who are by the way perfectly content to our far left sipping from coconuts with hula girls under the palm trees). A joined union of 49 states plus 10 provinces would be indeed not only be metaphorically satisfying, but would lead to increased trading, cooperation, and travel. 

Of course at first, the Alaskans may be a bit startled by the sudden appearance of businesses, franchises, and obviously- people; only once they see the money clouds rolling in and raining on their bolstered economy, they will be sure to adjust comfortably. As a result, maneuvering around the North Western Hemisphere couldn’t be easier. 

Country-Zilla

This merge would indeed be a global superpower. Just imagination a combination of both our wealth and military- nobody could stop us. We could probably eradicate everything that doesn’t fit our values. Without a doubt, we could create a world with zero communism, terrorism, fascism, or anything anti-democracy. Wherever you go, you’ll be able to see our influence as equality and justice, two features Canada and the US share, blooms across the globe like a field of flowers on the first day of Spring.  

In other words, this union could produce a worldwide utopian society. Other nations will admire and look up to our noble, patriotic country. Not only that, but we would also have huge cultural influence; it would be a westernization take-over.  The world’s diet would consist of constant Big Mac’s, country music will be the only thing on the radio, everybody will own dogs and guns, and nobody would know how to dance properly. 

Global westernization is inevitable, considering most other countries have already begun to adopt our products, institutions, and lifestyles. It will be a cultural and physiological changing phenomenon that will happen as a result of other nations worshiping us and our global profile. This new country would be the epitome of all modern and up-to-the-minute society in the status quo. We would be the all powerful omnipresent and omnipotent force reigning on Earth. 

Going Hard Until Earth's Inevitable Destruction

Moreover, this combination of power would be the excellent excuse to destroy the environment and travel to different planets. Considering a majority of Canada's resources are untouched, we have the chance to proceed on our endeavoring antics of deforestation, drilling, fracking, and mining. We could have a surplus of products circling around in the market, including unlimited access to maple syrup! 

 Our national GDP would go off the charts, and we’ll be able to invest in essentials for our country like education, healthcare, the military, and science. We’ll be world-leading in every possible category you can think of. In this union would we be providing the highest and finest degree of quality of life.  Furthermore, we’ll have more resources for newer, innovative ideas and concepts.  With our intelligence agencies combined, we’ll be able to upgrade technology by a wide margin. 

New space travel devices could be developed, so once we’ve exhausted Earth of all the materials it can provide, we’ll be ready to move on somewhere else. Research already shows different planets that can host life; drastic measures are being taken as we speak to obtain the supplies we need to be able to sustain life in these other areas in space. 

 The US can’t do it alone. Canada can’t do it alone. In the end, it’s the United States of Canada that can do it.