LEAKED DOCUMENTS SHOW THE GOVERNMENT USING A NEW BIOWEAPON: AGENT ORANGE v.2.0

Donald Trump is the horrific, nightmarish personification of the Deep State itself. A Kafkaesque Frankenstein of body parts correspondent to the most hellish, fetid and putrid aspects of the swamp. An inverted aether manifested into our physical plane by a Satanic Podesta sorcery ritual. Genderless yet compensating with the overly masculine, the Thing is but a giant cadaver swelling with gas as it rots and turns orange. Lab documents would show that the testicles were removed long ago to allow the methane and hydrogen sulfide to escape. Scientists allowed the skin to go through a fermentation process back in the 90s in hopes that it would preserve the experiment, but, alas, this backfired and a permanent rot took hold bringing with it an indescribable stench. Billions of dollars of the budget - hidden away in the depths of the Omnibus bill - are dedicated to odor management efforts; cutting edge technologies that literally drive the air purification and filtration industry (when sold to the private sector, the government actually not only recovers these development costs but realises one of the only significant profits in Washington), and paying off those who get to close with large sums of hush money. The only person who knows the exact details of the financial end of things is Rand Paul, who it is said only keeps quiet because the profits from the air purification technology is the only thing allowing them any hope of managing the federal debt.