Wanted: Road Pirate
New Guy: “Hey, thanks so much for hiring me. I really appreciate the opportunity. However, I must admit that I’m still not at all clear on what the job entails.”
Boss: “Well, our outfit does a lot of things, but we’ll start you with one of our most basic functions. The way it works is pretty simple. After you get to know the area, you will spend a certain amount of time each day patrolling our territory, specifically looking for anyone whose car is on our turf, but who doesn’t have one of these stickers.”
New Guy: “Okay. What does the sticker mean?”
Boss: “Well, the people around here buy these stickers from us. No one else is allowed to make or sell them. As long as someone’s car has our sticker of approval on it, we leave them alone. But anyone who we catch on our turf without one—well, that’s where you come in.”
New Guy: “I’m not sure I understand. What do I do if I see a car without a sticker?”
Boss: “First, you make them stop.”
New Guy: “How do I do that?”
Boss: “Well, our cars are equipped with very bright flashing colored lights. Everyone around here knows what that means: ‘Stop, or else!’”
New Guy: “Or else what?”
Boss: “Or else you, and our other enforcers, do whatever it takes to make them stop. And if we have to force them to stop, it only makes things worse for them. They know this, so most will stop the moment they see those lights.”
New Guy: “Okay, so after they stop, then what?”
Boss: “You make them tell you who they are, and where they live.”
New Guy: “How do I do that?”
Boss: “Simple. You make it clear that you’re going to use any means necessary to subdue and take them captive, even if that requires killing them, if they don’t obey and identify themselves, and provide documentation substantiating their answers. Most of the people around here already know that anyway.”
New Guy: “Wow. So ultimately, we might kill people, just for not having our sticker on their car?”
Boss: “Only if we have to; only if they keep resisting. But that almost never happens. They know all our guys are armed, and can have back-up there real quick, so in the vast majority of cases their self-preservation kicks in and they submit and cooperate.”
New Guy: “Okay, and then what? I sell them a sticker?”
Boss: “No. You tell them they have to give us a bunch of money for not having the sticker. Even after they pay that, they still have to come to us to buy a sticker. Until they do, every time we catch them driving without it, we take more of their money. And the punishments get worse and worse.”
New Guy: “But once they have the sticker, we leave them alone?”
Boss: “Well, there are quite a few other things they have to do to avoid having to pay up, but you’ll learn that part of the job later.”
New Guy: “But as far as the sticker goes, once they’ve paid, they’re done?”
Boss: “For a few years. Then we make them buy a new one. Gotta keep that revenue coming in, ya know.”
New Guy: “Wow. Okay. Oh, what if when I stop them they don’t have the money on them?”
Boss: “Oh, you don’t make them pay on the spot. After you get their information, you give them a thing that says how much they have to pay us, and by what deadline, in order to avoid us taking their car, or sending guys to kidnap them and hold them for ransom until they pay.”
New Guy: “Um, no offense, but this sounds a lot like racketeering and extortion. I mean, it seems like all the sticker is for is to tell us who has paid into our protection racket. And then we harass and rob anyone who hasn’t. Am I missing something?”
Boss: “No, that’s pretty much it.”
New Guy: “Okay, I’m not sure I can do this. I mean, aside from how immoral it sounds, isn’t it dangerous? What if an intended target of this shakedown decides to resist?”
Boss: “No worries. You have a radio, and if anyone gives you any problems, a bunch of our armed thugs will be there in a heartbeat to make the person comply, or else. We're the toughest gang around. And since most of the time our guys can get away with almost anything, up to and including murder, and since we have a lot of thugs with a lot of guns, most of our victims aren’t stupid enough to put up a fight.”
New Guy: “Okay. Well… sorry, but now that I know what the job is all about, I really don’t think it’s for me. I just wouldn’t at all feel right about treating people that way. I mean, it sounds like you’re just another street gang, a bunch of violent thugs literally committing highway robbery on a daily basis. That’s just not right.”
Boss: “I’m sorry you feel that way. But that’s okay; there are others out there who are perfectly willing to do it. The job requires hardly any skills, experience or intelligence, and most of our guys enjoy the feeling of power and control over other people that the job gives them. But if that’s not your thing, never mind. By the way … you have one of our stickers on your car, don’t you?”
Great article! shared this with a friend who then thanked me. Keep it up and we'll convert 3 to voluntaryism every year and they will convert others too!
;-)
Well when you put it THAT way it sounds ridiculous...
But isn't it? I mean, it is quite ridiculous that there is just small majority of people that want to control you, and if you don't comply with whatever they just thought of, they will beat you up or put you in a dark room until yougo crazy enough to comply.
Because it IS ridiculous and immoral and evil.
I suddenly feel the need for a sticker.
Awesome writing, Larken. Hilarious and truthful. Keep up the great work. Can't wait for The Mirror to come out, by the way. Cheers.
Great writing. What a Farce.
Great stuff, I think explaining government to someone as if they had never heard of it before is the best way to show how fucked it is.
Great post as usual. I enjoy it when you take the ordinary and put it through a lense of the perspective of what is actually happening if you take it to the lowest common denominator.
And the more evil thing about car registration (because not one in a thousand actually knows any law):
Registration is literally, you giving your car to the state. (They own it) And in exchange, you get exclusive rights to operate it.
That is legally why they can take your car at any time.
Even more unfortunate, is that the state fails to uphold their end of the bargain. (your exclusive rights to operate the vehicle)
Actually, speaking of brand new cars, The State is provided documentation of ownership by the dealership that sells it. That document is known as the Manufacturer's Statement of Origin or MSO.
The State then sends the person / entity that buys the car from the dealer a "Certificate of Title". Note that it is The State that holds the actual title, not the one who only holds a certificate for the real actual title.
The manufacturer (GM, Ford, Chrysler ...) provides an MSO to the dealership. When the dealer sells the car they send the MSO along with the buyer's info to The State, who then issues a Certificate of Title to the buyer.
Many have tried to obtain the MSO directly from the dealer. Some are successful but the majority are not. Keep in mind very few people are even aware of this information.
There are a lot of problems that need to be solved and thank you for sharing this one, I cant honestly say I've never thought this same thing. Your resonation is good, and now is the time to figure out how to solve the bosss' affliction. What measures may the new guy take take to oppose the rational of The Boss and what standards would be applied to the vehicle without the sticker?
Have you ever driven on an overcrowded expressway? I think its overcrowded because every one of those vehicles has a sticker that gives that driver the right to say "MEH LANE!" This leads to a bunch people looking in their mirrors to try to commit insurance fraud, causing congestion. The consequences of this disobedience tend to be more severe than the price of registering your property with the government, with how things are though,
you may have no choice,
But if somebody crashes into you, you wont get paid $$$.