May: Hardly Working (2015)
This month I have spent 40 hours playing tournaments. It may not sound like much but it doesn't factor in the time traveled to and from and these events. My hourly rate in a 2/5 game is significantly higher than what I could top out at long term in these fields. I constantly hear people complaining about how stupid tournaments are and lamenting that they will never play them again, yet you see these same people firing off in every series...myself included. It seems that we are all a glutton for punishment as we continue to push ourselves to partake in the very thing that causes us so much grief and anguish. Sebastian Sabic from the Nosebleeds documentary sums it up well:
Tournaments are a permanent frustration. If you know it exists and you don't play, you are not happy. If you know it exists and you play it, you can be ITM, min-cash, make a final table but a bad place, you're happy. Only victory makes you happy, and since it never happens, you're never happy.
So what's your motivation to play these tournaments? It stays. It stays in your memory because honestly even if you win a lot in cash games, you don't remember any winning sessions! Nothing stays! Money obviously, but...I do remember one particular session against Isildur1 whereas when Sylvain Loosli came 4th in the Main Event, I remember what happened on this FT, even if I wasn't the one playing in it. I remembered he lost a lot in the beginning, then he grinded his way back up, then he tried an unsuccessful bluff. I remember how it was because it was an intense moment we lived. I'd like to live that myself.
In cash game...in four years, it all vanished. On the moment it seems important, but then you forget it all. A tournament stays in your memory. If I win a bracelet I won't forget it!
5/10 is normally the biggest game here in Tampa, but this month a Chinese billionaire randomly appeared and the more money he lost the bigger he wanted to play. What started off as one 10/25 eventually became full 10/25 and 25/50 games running consecutively. It would have been a 50/100, except only one other person had enough money to play televised poker stakes. I obviously had no business in such a game but it was such a rare opportunity and my confidence clouded my judgment so I sat the 10/25 must move with Ben and Kyle eventually sitting as well. I made a conscious effort to think of the bets in big blinds rather than $ amounts so I wouldn't play scared money.
2500/2500 CO Jabar opens 100 I flat KJss on BTN SB fish also calls. 3way 753ss Jabar bets 250 I raise 625 fish calls Jabar raises 1350 I shove both snap call. Jabar 53dd fish 76o. Board bricks Jabar wins.
Although it wouldn't have changed the result, in hindsight I like a 3b pre much better. I rarely say this about anyone, but Jabar is a very solid pro. Because of this I do not like just flatting the flop and having to fold to a turn barrel on a brick or betting a spade turn and getting no action because my hand is pretty face up. In a 2/5 and 5/10 game I am usually raising this flop, so I did not want to take a passive line simply because I was intimidated by the stakes. I feel this is a standard spot and I got it in with near neutral EV.
3200/3200 6 handed I open QQ 125 in UTG MP Kyle call BB JGodwin 3b 425 only I call. J63cc he bets 525 I call. Turn 2x he tank chks I bet 1100 he folds QQ.
Pre and flop are very standard. John respects me and isn't the type to ever get out of line making a move on me specifically. Although we are short-handed, his 3b range here should really only be JJ+ and AQs+. He is the type to bet big on the turn and tell me to save my money because he is friendly with me outside of the room and will give me a chance to get away easily. I was very frustrated being stuck nearly 3k at the time so I can't explain with good reason why I chose to use this sizing given the dynamic, but essentially all I did was turn a value bet into a bluff, though it was obviously unintentional. Without sounding results oriented, him folding QQ proves my point.
This month I got to have breakfast with one of the very few people in the poker community that I respect, Luke B. When I met him during his Tampa days in early 2013 we were both 2/5 grinders on a near equal bankroll. Like the biblical parable of the prodigal son I went on to squander my assets on whores while Luke went on to aggressively shot take tournaments and achieve great success. Because of this I look at him as what I could have been if I realized my true potential.
However, this is not the reason I bring up his name. Whenever I see him he always tells me how much he enjoys life and that even if he went broke he would still be happy because he knows he'd bounce right back. This is the complete opposite of me. When I am not winning I am miserable, anti-social and lamenting about how I cannot wait to quit poker forever and move onto something better. Seeing how happy he is as a poker player regardless of his swings makes me realize how negative I really am.
I have had this plan that I will become happy when I save up enough money from poker to move to a place I actually like and do something I actually enjoy. I will eventually quit poker for a living, but that will take quite some time. In the meantime I would like to find joy in this stage of my life rather than anxiously await the next chapter.
I am heading to Vegas for the WSOP for the first time in 3 years. In 2012 I went there as a delusional 19 year old kid with dreams of becoming both a live/online pro on a 1k bankroll. Those dreams were quickly shattered as I blew through the money and my roommate scammed me for the rest. On the day I left I had just enough money to catch a cab ride to the airport. This year I am bringing a 20k roll and plan to take big tournament shots that will either leave me filthy rich or near broke. I think it is very unfair that cash pros fly under the radar while tournament pros (huge cash fish) take all the glory. Having real tournament success is something I deeply long for.
My work ethic this month was sub par and it showed in my results. I was content driving all the way to the casino just to hit and run for $200 so I could call it a day. Instead of grinding prime weekend games I spent my time doing random nightlife activities. I took a full 7 days off of poker. There was huge potential to follow up April with another strong month but I simply did not have the drive this time around.