Poetry Dice Challenge 3000 (Week 23) -- Memories.
This is a piece I did for @robyneggs #poetrydice Challenge 3000 (Week 23) -- Memories.
Link to the challenge post below:
https://steemit.com/poetrydice/@robyneggs/poetry-dice-challenge-3000-week-23
Cinder Sound
I remember the cinder sounds
the way a stem of a stalk
of a man in bloom
magnetic
hands that seemed
so hard, yet soft with
a press and your
voice on the phone
or in text
the world in a book
not yours, not mine
but a bubble of
words, cinder sound
in a shelter round going
down, your pull with a look
or a stare and the trunk
of a tree that was
never there
*I keep trying to upload to dtube but finding that it gets all caught up with the Snap bit and then nothing so here it is on youtube and for the sake of that CAD Cheetah coming over here trying to say this is not my work I am going to link my personal YT channel as I hear that keeps her arse at bay, so here is that link:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBk3MjXsRH6L9S3IRhASklw
I had the same issue with dtube!
This poem is top notch!!!
Have you been able to get it to work? Is there a trick I need to learn?
<3 Thank you, dear Robyn.
I'm glad seeing this, hearing this. After I went through all of your spoken word pieces on Soundcloud I was actually quite sad that I've run out of new pieces with your voice and the alliterative style you favour to listen to <3
Speaking of which, I'd lose the voice manipulation effects. Your sound and words are really all of the instrumentation I think you need, and that this is a case of "All that add, detract," which is an idiom in Hebrew :)
As for the poem, I think the biggest thing here is that the theme of memories comes through even without knowing that it is the theme for the piece, and without the word being mentioned in the piece.
"Cinders" though. I like the two ways the word is used here, and how they interact. Cinders, all that are left of a memory. The memories are gone. Burnt away. Were the memories fake, nothing but cinder-material, or were they real, and burnt away? Or are the memories real, but memories of cinders, of something that was but has been burnt away?
"A bubble of words, a cinder book." A bubble of a babble of words. Words are nothing but cinder in the air, something that burns, and then burns away. To show, with hands, with voice.
So what was never there? The origin of the words? The support? Makes one wonder.
P.S. Cheetah is at least well-meaning. Don't be angry at a bot aimed to better the place. False-positives are a thing, but it's all meant well <3 Besides, doesn't help to be angry with an automated service.
As I said earier to you, I like the mix. :P So there!
Guy, you really bring such a high level of deconstruction to written works -- I love the attention to the word 'Cinder', it is clear a key element here, in the written word and in the visual display I presented.
Dust, and cobwebs, messy web like hair, filters and distortion... there was so much to play with and part of why I like working with the visual, audio and the written word is to deepen the idea at hand.
Thank you for this well though out response. <3
*Cheetah is doing good work, but I've had to point out to that bot that my content is ALL mine and when it points to the internet it's pointing to MY work. lol. It needs to get smarter already. I'm not mad, I'm being cheeky. :P
After our talk today, I can't help but think even more of "Cinder", and of Cinderella.
Behind the scenes info always makes it easier to put the story together. ;)
That was rhythmically perfect. Why is it possible to rhyme press and text? That should never work like that. This is my favorite so far in this weeks PDC3K.
:: Blush ::
Thank you ever so, your words here are so kind and meaningful to me. :)
Awesome entry this week! Quite like the sense of rhythm you had going on, had words flowing out of my mouth nicely!
Enjoyed the distortion/sound effect with your voice you had going on in the video.
May luck be with you fellow entrant!!
It really tickles me that you enjoy the mix I made, I too really like it (of course) -- it was just as interesting to make as constructing the written part. I'm really into the low-fi multi-media aspect of Poetic expression.
Thank you kindly for stopping by and taking the time to comment. :)
No worries!
I thought about doing something similar, but I can never get the words flowing out of my mouth the same way they do in my head! :o
Well, that and I despise the sound of my own voice ahaha ;)
You know, I hear that a lot about people an their voices, just do it. :P I bet you have a perfect voice for YOUR words. I actually used to cringe at hearing myself (via recorded stuff) and then got used to it. lol.
I also read everything I write out loud, it's part of the writing process for me and I totally suggest it to others, especially in the creative and poetry sections of writing.
I love the rhythm you had going here @mamadini. I found this to be very intriguing and little bit suggestive. It reminded me of long distance relationship or perhaps even just a temporary separation. Nice write.
Thank you, dear Moe. :)
I always love to hear how people interpret the works rather than the technical break down and you always bring that to the table.
Hey...great work there!!! And people say language is dying...Screw them!!! Keep it up!! Cheers!! :)
@donfranko, This comment from you has put a large smile on my face. Thank you kindly. :)
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Oh, how wonderful.
Thank you kindly.
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@mamadini ... A chilling visual sequence coupled with your hypnotic vocalization magnify the depth of your poem. I love the subliminal flash of your fangs, and the transposition of scarlet lips behind veils of wild hair. Ethereal and beautifully abstract <3