"SteemitPoetryContest #11"- Loneliness
Just look around me,
When I walk the streets,
Everything is different,
I feel a burning in my heart,
This loneliness breaks me,
In the absence of a love,
What's wrong with this pain?
I am serving a sentence,
People do not look at me,
Will I become a hermit?
What will be my destiny,
I just want to leave this loneliness.
By Leonardo Blanco (@tcpaikano)
Why is this loneliness buddy?? What wrong happened in your life?
You re feeling lonely ,sorry bro but i have a similar poem on this but it is lonliness and love poem you can get it @ horlly to upvote and comment posts.
Rain of blessings for you. Give it back to the people who you want to bless. Including me.when rewarding with upvote...https://steemit.com/poemlife-factsteem/@horlly/loneliness-and-heart-desire-poem
Are you feeling that lonely bro?
Awesome! both, Gif and poem! upped and resteemed! I feel that loneliness sometimes, too. It seems no one understands me even see me. I feel so different. But luckily I'm not one but many!
every time I create a poem I try to find an image that identifies it
tipp! Top!
Hey, tcp. I found your link in the chat and decided to provide a little bit of feedback.
This piece is highly emotive. I have a feeling many reads will look at this and feel strongly once they’ve reached the end. You clearly addressed the topic of the contest, and you addressed some relatable aspects of loneliness.
In stanza one, I believe you’re a little too vague in your descriptions. The first two lines create a lovely set-up, but the second two don’t address the streets or the city that you’re walking through. I would provide some concrete imagery, rather than saying everything is different. Because I don’t know what city the narrator is walking, I’m not sure what different means. The burning in your heart enters abruptly.
I don’t understand the third line of the second stanza. I’m not sure who the question is directed at or what you mean by “What is wrong with…”
I think this piece would benefit tremendously from concrete imagery. Tell me about the streets, the city, why/how the narrator became lonely. With a bit of fleshing out, this piece could become even more emotional and impactful. As a first draft, this is a wonderful foundation that can quickly grow.
The third line is a question in the air that each solitary person sometimes asks himself or herself.
The streets can be anybody there is always a change although it is insignificant, but the lonely will always see something different
Such a poet 😊 keep it up bro
yess good
Excelente escrito amigo @tcpaikano.
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Nicely written