What the Dying Wisdom of Sunset Said (Day 19)
Learn to gaze upon things in a gentler light
then shut your eyes, sleep and awaken
unclouded by dust and mist accumulated
and see the gift, clearly, bathed in light
Surrender the day, at day’s end
and yield to be reborn the next
begin anew, hotly hammering desires
set to cool by a too-passionate mind
Bend, bow, sway and swell like a sail
breathing steadily the winds of Time
standing at full stature, like a mast
navigating conflicting currents or ways
Slip through the lock of the self
to free the treasure from the chest
learn to keep still and keep moving
to soar like a bird, or a cloud, on air.
© Yahia Lababidi
This is my entry for Day 19 of @d-pend's The 100 Day Poetry Challenge. If you're looking to develop your skills (as a writer or Steemian) and discover a sense of community, please, consider joining Steemit School on Discord
Yahia, I'd like to offer you a response to this scintillating and evocative piece after reading it a few times. First, I always enjoy this particular facet of yourself, the character that commands, yet so gently it is more an entreaty.
The focus of the first stanza seems to be a shift of attitude, all guided by the light that "bathes" the gifts the day, infusing them with an otherworldly vigor. There is a subtle activeness here that is a nice contrast to the emphasis on "surrender, yielding" in the next stanza.
In the second stanza, your signature alliteration foreshadows itself, to burst into a flourishing flurry by the third. The third and fourth lines in the second stanza intrigue me with their turn from yin to yang, and especially the seeming paradox implied in
Ah, yes, as I mentioned: the compact and masterful alliteration/wordplay I have come to look forward to in your writing comes out to play on line one of the third stanza:
It is also duly noted that the b's and s's continue into "breathing steadily." Then we encounter a curiosity, the only capitalized term aside from line beginnings. What is it that grants Time such poignancy? Such a powerful impression of solidity, for the mortals that yearn to realize the immortality of the energetic components that compose us? The continued metaphor of the ship lends a nice concreteness to this section of the piece.
In fact, there are conjured associations of adventure, treasure, and pirates in the beginning of the fourth stanza—a sort of wildness is found here. One feels the excitement of the quest of slipping through the self's lock to free the priceless loot: the vibrancy of the heart locked within. The final two lines summarize the theme of paradox and balance between polarities being the key to a smooth and meaningful passage through the domain of the physical.
Since it was a short piece, and holds many of the components I've come to admire in your work, I wanted to take a moment to practice some impressionistic critique as espoused by Guy in our recent classes on the topic. Thank you for all the wonderful poetry, my friend. I hope you have a great weekend!
Dear Daniel, you do me honor to respond so fully, and perceptively, to my piece. It’s good to hear from you, after 23 days of daily posting to your stamina-building poetry challenge.
Today, might be my second day off and, while I feel I’ve developed a muscle or two & a newfound respect for poetry journaling, I might be bowing out of the challenge, brother.
Sensing somewhat spiritually depleted, I need to try and be more quiet, listen, see and be things other-than-poetry, so that I might have something to sing, again, later on...
I am grateful for the gift of your ‘gently commanding’ example, your own meditations on Time and lyrical adventure.
Thanks, again, for your close attentions; there’s so much to love in what you say, above: paradox, balance and (word) play being central to my writing and worldview.
I, too, honor the divine in you and the poetic souls stretching their wings in this challenge. Wishing you a restorative and wonder-filled weekend. (You’ve brightened mine by stopping by.) ✨🙏🏼💫
Yahia, thank you so much for taking part! I have been honored by your participation. You are always welcome to come to our poetry classes if it's ever convenient for you. There was even a couple requests for a class about getting published, if you'd feel like saying something on that topic.
I of course understand and respect your decision. This whole setup is a bit, well... insane! But for better or worse, I am committed to it. I am certainly looking forward to my "Summer break" come June 14th.
Whenever I have the time I want to provide such close readings and input, as it helps me process pieces better, and I hope it helps the authors see a bit more in their piece, or simply another perspective :-)
Yes, you've found a discipline that works for you, daily poetry journal-ing, and wish to share the good word :) I appreciate that and, as much as I have enjoyed the ride, trust the inner voice that tells me it is time to bow out, gracefully and with gratitude, trusting my own inner rhythms.
Thank you, for the invite--I wish you best of luck teaching & learning along the way on this big adventure.
I really like these lines
Yes, when things are in a lighter mode, with a relaxed mind, you'll see things differently from a better perspective.
Keep up the good work.
Hello @yahialababidi, your poetry is relaxing and invites us to be better men.
That’s sweet of you to say—I hope to begin with myself...
Wonderful usage of vocabulary with spiritual theme, Thanks Yahia for all this ;)
"Knowledge of mystical states can only be had by actual experience... as is also the case with knowledge of the taste of honey, the bitterness of patience, the bliss of sexual union..."
—Ibn Arabi
Wonderful & lovely saying of Ibn Arabi, Thank you so much :-)
True old wisdom that keeps one going. Thanks for sharing.
Hello @yahia
I have enjoyed reading through your poem and it's amazingly creative as it reveals the reality of life, nature and fate of man.
Learn to gaze upon things in a gentler light
then shut your eyes, sleep and awaken
unclouded by dust and mist accumulated
and see the gift, clearly, bathed in light
This line is quite deep and explosive. Overtime, I have learn to gaze upon the gentle light, see life through the morning sun rays and it's inspirational for me.
Thank you
We get caught up in all the little things that don’t work out our way & forget to give thanks for the daily miracles. Patience is a way of thanksgiving 🙏🏼
How beautiful! ❤️Thank you for sharing!!
Bless your heart, I’m glad it reached you 🙇🏻♂️
Great poem. These lines especially stood out to me:
“gaze upon things in a gentler light"
“and yield to be reborn the next"
“breathing steadily the winds of Time"
“to soar like a bird, or a cloud, on air."
Thank you, for your close reading. Poetry can remind us, when we forget, to bend, bow & sway ✨
You’re welcome.
“…close reading” What’s the point of reading poetry if we don’t take it in and find it’s meaning to us, personally?
I agree, and I know you’re especially sensitive to this type of poetry 🙏🏼 May we continue to be granted second chances and to recognize them as such...
Wow amazing and a beatiful look thanks for share this
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