The Darkness Within Me
The thoughts of musical notes still echo in my head, tears fill my eyes from things that I do dread.
Overcome with fear, within a heart of black, thinking about the things in life of which I lack.
A head spun in fantasy, ignorance and fear I try to push these thoughts away but yet they draw ever near.
Overcome with guilt from within a sea of denial, of the things I have promised myself to reconcile.
This world is dark, devoid of life, reason and emotions and yet my spirit is thrown like a ship upon the ocean.
The rain falls hard each drop piercing cold and yet I still must do what i am told.
Treading through the murky depths it feels as though I still am inept, at life and thought and socializing.
This world it seems so agonizing, the pain that I feel every day and the world it tortures in every way.
Pushing hard back on my life and still I must endure the strife.
I can't turn back and look away but still I try to keep the darkness at bay.
In this place so cold and so uncertain, I can’ t stand anymore to keep these words in.
Malignancy cast inside this dark hole will I ever escape this cancer of the soul?
This life must come to resolution, to live each day for absolution and exist in peace within this chaos and some day again I will see my Deus.
Is there nothing sacred or anything holy when I heed the teachings of Aleister Crowley?
I hear the sound of Current 93 and when I think that god is only me, I close my eyes and all I can see is the darkness alike my soul within it hearkens, to await the day of my transition and maybe someday I am granted permission to shed the body in which I occupy and see this world within gods eye.
One must accept the darkness as their own, after all it is ones home, the source of life and of creation, the source that gave ones animation.
Still I tread and still I am weary and I get the answer to my query. When I look within and I ask why, the answer that I get from the self most high is : Because! And I still wander, my question and my life is squandered.
And so I sit and stare within this dark hole and still refer to myself as....Cancer of the Soul
Deep and dark. I wish for some light going your way <3
Straight up dark as it gets. When you find a bottom, that's when you're poised to make a real change. Maybe you're at that point? I spoke with you and you certainly aren't stupid, you're intelligent. Intelligence is potential, and you've got that.
Get yourself into an urban hub e.g. DETROIT.
The only things stopping you is you. You know what to do.
i honestly feel like i am going psychotic and especially more manic than i was a few days ago.
Maybe you just need a change of pace or some fresh air? I constantly feel as though I'm on the verge of losing my shit, but there's some beauty in it I think. If you can learn to saddle feeling absolutely crazy and focus/shift that into a positive direction, you can't be fucked with.
Talking to and being around people really helps. Like me and @robrigo were saying though, come check Detroit out!
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