Paradise / An Original Poem

in poetry •  2 years ago 

Tri-o-let: a poem of eight lines, typically of eight syllables each, rhyming abaaabab and so structured that the first line recurs as the fourth and seventh and the second as the eighth.

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Paradise

Weathered asphalt vault starts to crack
Last grains slip through the hourglass
Such horrors, one last maniac
Weathered asphalt vault starts to crack
A once-broken man's almanac
Driven to sin, they fell en masse
Weathered asphalt vaults start to crack
Last grains slip through the hourglass

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  • Hey folks, so this was my first attempt at a tri-o-let, a fun little form I had found by way of @moeknows who recently posted one. I had a lot of fun doing it, bit of a struggle though seeing as I had made it while forgetting about the 8 syllables per line.

@carmalain7 was a big help, aiding me in tearing apart the original and reforming it into the correct form!

~Themadrunnah
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Oh, I love this! I see the improvement when you say the "last grains slip". Slipping is a great verb here, it emphasises your point. This almost makes me want to try a tri-o-let myself; I might give it a try ;)

You should try it out, they're fun!
Just uh, need to remember about the whole 8 syllable thing. cough cough
Thank you for swinging by and enjoying my words.

You knocked this out!

I really love this one... that Moe, always spreading the goodness. :)

Oh yes, that he is!

Thank ye kindly good lady for dropping by and checking out my words!
Your support is much appreciated, as always! :)

Great job on this one. I like the progression and I felt like you did a great job making use of the form. Nice write.

Thanks! I'm glad I was able to learn about them from your post, they're quite fun! Tricky little buggers sometimes though.
Thank you for dropping in and reading, I may have another one for you in a little while!

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