Hueman
hueman
this is not
chocolate or nutella or cinnamon and sugar
to be licked and tasted and pinched off
at your leisure
as you demonstrate
your commitment
to the fetishization
of the hue
of my skin
this is not dirt
or soot or the darkness of sin
to be washed away
in a tub of chemical stew
because you think that beauty
only looks like you
this is not
a sign of subhumanity
a mark of inferiority
a badge of shame to hide or undo
this is just me
how i’m meant to be
and it has nothing
to do
with you
Sumayyah Talibah © 7 January 2018
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Sumayyah,
Wow. Thank you. This is an incredible poem. I love the flow, the beats, the repetition, and even the subtle rhymes that you lace throughout.
Here is a brief explication of your poem with all the affectionate intent to give you insight into a reader's experience with your words. At university creative writing this was a dreaded and transformative experience. I hope you find it useful.
I found the title clever and interesting. "Hueman." However, I found it an ironic title after reading the poem. I took the meaning to be that the speaker did not want to be defined by the hue of their skin. That the hue is not what makes them "human." Yet the title is that: a human defined by their hue. By naming it "hueman" it gives a name to the person, or being as defined by hue. I don't know. I assume it was a clever pun, and I may be reading too much into it. Like a new better, (maybe worse, human.
My first favorite part of this poem is the general flow, and beat as you read it. You begin and carry throughout "this is not" with a slight pause for each line break. Every "this is not" is then followed by three rapid images that directly evoke skin color, stereotype, and prejudice. it happens in such rapid fire consistency I find it is like drums or a rhythm that pushes your poem forward. I appreciate how each triplet is also a different type of analogue to skin color; starting with the colloquial food reference, to the more earthy "soot" and "dirt" analogue, and finally how each of the previous images actually tie into "sub-human," and "inferior."
Please take my consider my suggestions when you edit your work for the next revision.
I was confused by the fourth through ninth lines from "at your leisure" through "of my skin." Maybe not confused, but it threw me off. It removed what I liked so much from the poem already: the beat, the flow, the repetition. I think I understood that it was about skin color already before you explicitly mentioned it. While I enjoyed the "commitment to [...] fetishizing" skin hue, I think that you can illustrate this point better some other way. I'm not even sure you need to express this literally.
Perhaps if you're committed to keeping it, take the lines at the bottom "how I'm meant to be - with you" and take the lines, "at your leisure" - "of my skin," and put them together at the top as a preamble to the structured repetition of "this is not."
Finally, I suggest that you end with "This is me." To me, it has the repetition evoked by the "this is not" lines preceding it, and it has the feel of a mic drop. It connects to the rolling rhythm of the whole poem ahead of it, and the jarring stop of a challenge.
This is a wonderful beginning and I can't wait to see where your next revision takes this poem. Thank you again for sharing it. I hope you find some of this useful.
Thank you for your suggestions. I have no planned revisions to this poem at this time.
Ouch. I can't lie. I'm disappointed.
I generally don't "fix" my poetry until enough time has passed for me to look at it subjectively rather than emotionally because almost all of my poems are freeform and emotion-based rather than an attempt to fill a certain set of criteria or rules. But, I will admit that you gave some excellent point to consider. I have saved your suggestions for a later date.
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