I’m broken and I’ve broken things

There’s nothing quite like the feeling of being powerless
Unable to overcome obstacles, feeling weak, comparing yourself to a standard that no one set.

It’s worse knowing that you live in a state of limbo, knowing that regardless of what you do, you change nothing. I see the things I’ve done and only wonder “what the hell was I thinking” I see the time I’ve wasted and only imagine all the lies I was saying, but my realization only continued to become more grim when it hit me that I’ve accomplished so much and done nothing.

Not that I want to be the one holding the cards, or so to speak, but the only feeling worse than being powerless is being useless. To know that your value is subjective. To think that you’re only needed when your needed, and you were only “needed” because it was convenient

I’m already a deadbeat dad to an un-thought-of child
I failed a test that I created myself
I wasted time like I’d live forever
The people around me can do so much better
Like I said I hold no cards
Make no difference
Made no waves
Just another number
Just another face