Dad, I need you
... is what my boys say to me before I leave.
When I go to work they know they won't see me for hours, they may not see me until bedtime or the next day even if I am on call. Our time together is precious and they know it. I know it.
"Dad, I need you" They cling to my legs. "don't go!"
It consistently without fail breaks my heart every time
"I don't want to go either, I'm sorry buddy, I love you, I have to go"
The second I get home
The most joyous sound
DADDY!!! YOU'RE HOME
I am
and from that point on if I hear the phrase
"Daddy, I need you"
I drop everything... nothing else is important
I will do anything to spare my sons, my daughter of any heartache. They will not ever yearn for my attention, or my presence as long as I can help it.
That's when I understood why my dad held on for so long
He was so sick, for so long, he was in pain for years
but dad I need you
His quality of life was consistently falling, and more problems would arise
but dad I need you, don't leave
He lost his dad when he was 10. He knew...
He knew that our pain wouldn't leave when his did.
He knew as we said...
Dad, I need you
He wouldn't be coming back, even if he wanted to
Dad, I need you
He held on for as long as he could
Until almost a year ago now, as I heard his rattle, I told him...
"It's okay, you can go, don't be afraid"
He left a few hours later
Dad, I still need you
Dads, your kids need you. Be with them.
My dad wasn't there much when I was growing up. He travelled abroad for work, did army things, and was emotionally absent too. Eventually, we patched things up a bit, but it didn't change that part of my life much.
That's why when Frank and I have the kids, I'm always happy for them to have some alone time with their dad. Sometimes I'll do something with one of them to alternate, so that they each get some alone time with Frank.
At the beginning of our relationship, I found myself feeling a bit jealous because I had not known that kind of closeness from a father. I'm super close to my mom, and my maternal grandmother was like a second parent to me, but for some reason, my father lost interest in me and in my brother when we were very young. Me it was when I was 2.
I have healed some of those wounds, but a lot still needs to be healed. As much as I cherish the rare moments I get to see my dad today, I would have liked for him to give more time for me when I was growing up.
It's beautiful to see fathers who love their children and give them their time and energy, tend to their needs, and show them their fatherly affection. It's important to a child's emotional development too.
Neither was mine to be honest. It was in the last few years of his life that I finally felt like I had a dad, and then it was over. Our relationship healed from those early years though and ended well at least. I found a lot of our fathers simply didn't know how to be a dad. Nobody showed them. This is not the case for all, and definitely not an excuse, but a sad reality.
I get what you're saying that they don't know how to be dads. My dad's a workaholic, yet has horrific debts, so he works even more, so he never put in time for us, he was always so focused on his finances.
I think he has a form of PTSD, and since I have CPTSD, I think today, I can forgive some things due to my understanding of the illness. He was in the army, did things that are bound to cause trauma to a person. I wish he would open up more though, he's always so secretive, reserved. Maybe by opening up myself, it can help. I dunno. I'm not trying to save him, but I can better understand today too.
As an aside, I think the baby-boomer generation learnt a lot of things that is contradictory to how millennials feel life should be and it's possible that our generation of parents are stuck in old ways that aren't compatible with our way of being, a more sensitive, open and honest way of being. Not to mention a lot of the brainwashing they received from how society was in the 60's and 70's.
One of the things I've heard about baby boomers is they were one of the first generations of fatherless fathers, because so many of their fathers were in WW2 and either died or came back scarred, unable to cope properly.
I found that opening up to my dad was part of what healed our relationship. Problem is that you assume a lot of risk emotionally when you do that. I've had the support of my wife so I felt able to take that risk, even though it could have easily backfired.
I understand that. I've been able to open up about what I go through with CPTSD because or a narcissist, but I've not been able to reach out to him about his PTSD and what he's seen and lived. Perhaps some day I will get there.
I should downvote this because it made me feel stuff, I hate feelings.
"I need you" is the best and the worst thing that sometimes passes the mouths of babes. It is awesome when they need you and nothing makes the heart happier and nothing weighs heavier than when they utter dad I need you and there is nothing that can be done.
It is amazing as each young man grows up and get's to experience being the dad. There is a life lesson to childhood when you are the one needed and you may never see it if you never become a parent, not in the way parents do at least.
This is beautiful, i love way it came in a conversational form
Beautiful poem @saywha! How can any Dad's heart not melt when your child says those words!
Sad to think that the roles are reversed as we age!
'It's ok, you can go, don't be afraid'
Wow that must have been hard, but awesome to ease your Dad's journey to the unknown.
Read a little book by dr Raymond Moodey entitled 'Life after Life', found it comforting after losing someone close.
You children are blessed with a special daddy :):)
Beautiful post my friend :)
Dude. Stop. This is giving me emotions...
<3
Excellent post @saywha and the same things goes the other way around, with an adult life sometimes is difficult to keep track of people and most times we tend to forget our parents. They live us as much as we love our kids and we should always keep them in our hearts since they will also look out for us
Yep. I agree. The post was written as I am a son and a father.
Beautiful...I have goosebumps <3