As I Ramble On This Night

As I Ramble on This Night

A diagnosis in March
A bald head in May
Seeing the inside of the Chemo room
Has given me a different understanding
Being the driver for someone so sweet
Memories made in a time of dismay
All the while, on the horizon
A memory is fading away
Feeling the changes of age
Blowing in like a storm
Creating a friction
Giving vision to how life simply isn’t fair
Health questions
Changing directions
As I experience more than a few bumps in the road
Still trying to find myself
Molding dreams stashed on a shelf
Longing to be plucked and made anew
Yet I still ponder
An Emily Dickinson classic
“I am Nobody, who are you?”
For I am nobody longing for somebody
A beautiful mess
Who has been lost, misplaced, and subjected to all of the clutter
In this chaotic world
Where neighbors can’t be trusted
Choke on the bread and sweep away the crumbs
Bless those who still have honor
Though many are homeless
While the rich pinch pennies
Saving up for all of their thrills
This year has been a roller coaster
And in its haste, it has found itself becoming more and more out of control
With the prayers that next year will be better
I continue to praise Jesus
For He is my constant
Protecting my broken heart and shattered soul
My eyes once again have been made wide open
To the things I thought I’d never know
And every time I thought I was dying
I realize those feelings were just Satan trying to steal me away from where I belong
Ever still longing for the arms of my sweet Savior
Fuck you, anger! And hate! Negativity! And all that can drag a person down below
For, I may be a walking, living, breathing contradiction
But at least I’m not a dick
Like a few people that I know
I have just grown stronger
And will no longer allow myself to be sentenced for something I have never done
So in closing,
Hope I’m not imposing by sharing this with you
For I am deep
And hoping to sleep
Now that my mind to pen
Paper scribbling
Rambling endeavor
Is finally through!

By, Tiffany Simar
11/27/15