"From Whence That You Came" >>> Being a Moral Person
As you can probably guess from the poem, my surname is Savage. This is a poem I wrote for my daughter to remind her, as the title infers, about the lineage from which she and I descend.
I wrote the poem because we live in a society that is becoming increasingly self-absorbed, if not self-obsessed, and it is easy to lose sight of the fact that we don't live in the world by ourselves. We're part of a greater story of which we are but bit players. A big part of that greater story are the Groups to which we belong, not least of which is, or ought to be, our families. Our actions, therefore, do not just effect us, they effect others as well.
I've often discussed the issue of Morality with my daughter because, I believe, such discussions are a fundamental part of parenting, and, because "the answers" are not always self-evident. Throughout history, there have been many religions and schools of philosophy that have wrestled with the in-and-outs of rights and wrongs. To which should one ascribe?
Personally, I'm a fan of "Aristotelian Virtue Ethics." But grand philosophical ruminations, of one sort or another, are seldomly practical for navigating our way through the myriad of interactions we have on a daily basis.
And so, I gave her a short-cut I've employed for decades. Whenever you're about to do something, ask yourself, "If my children, or theirs, knew what I am about to do, would they be proud?" If the answer is, "No" ... don't do it.
"Just as you and I can look back with pride upon our ancestry, ensure that our descendants can do the same."
If you, the reader, would like to employ this technique, feel free. No attribution required. Simply envision your child's face, in particular their eyes. You may be surprised how many moral dilemmas instantly disappear.
Note: I used this poem as part of an earlier post. Given the pittance of the payout, I'm assuming very few of you saw it. For those that did, my apologies for the repetition ... but I really like this one.
As a philosophical taoist, I hold very little to the promotion of shame and guilt. They stem from judgement and attaching to judgement from an energetic health, and eventually mind and body health, is like attaching oneself to a slow drip of arsenic. If one attends more to the energy feel of things and not whether she would be ashamed if others knew about what she was doing ... the outcome is rather the same and a person appears moral, when in reality she is pursuing enlightenment and expansion.
My experience has taught me that judgement and enlightenment do not go together. So in this way judging based on ideas of morality works counter to enlightenment ... in any sense.
I would teach instead to ask yourself 'why' you want to pursue a certain path. What is it you wish to obtain from this action and what do you think is the most likely outcome of pursuing this path. Are your desires tricking you into a path of suffering, so you may feel a very temporary release? I would also, and do my best, to show the way to the contentment that can be found only with a close communion with what lies within. When contentment is but a few breaths away, it easier to say 'no' to those desires that might make one appear lacking in morality.
I continually remind myself that everyone is doing the only thing that they could do based on the learning that has come before; so I turn to compassion and not judgement. When I speak of judgement I speak of condemnation really. This judgement is toxic; it really is.
@prydefoltz,
Pryde, wonderful comment, well-articulated.
As you know, though, I'm not against "passing judgement." Quite to the contrary, I'm all for it. There has to be some metric to distinguish "good men" from "bad men," "the noble" from "the ignoble," "the honest" from the "the deceitful." Without metrics, and a willingness to use them, we end of with moral relativism. Everybody gets to be the same irrespective of behavior.
I don't think that's good idea.
We are social animals and one of the most fundamental skills we must develop is learning how to assess other people ... and that means passing judgement upon them. And hence, the evolution of "Other Judging Emotions."
It has become politically correct to deny this reality, but the science is clear. This is what we do. It's how we're wired. I have to admit, Pryde, I think your moral ambitions are higher than mine. I'm not concerned about achieving Nirvana or becoming enlightened. I'm more than happy to settle for being a decent human being, something of a challenge in and of itself.
Given how my daughter's turned out, a continuous source of ferocious pride, I feel confident that I'm on the right track.
We are all on the only track we could be on. We are on the track forged from what came before. That makes judgement somewhat unjust when you think about it. I do not now what is moral. I know about taboos and mores, but they too can be unjust and unreasonable, lacking in compassion. Pride is a fickle and hard master, Quill. There is a reason it is seen as a deadly sin. I should know. One who claims the moral high ground has failed to look around, does not understand that all ground erodes.
Compassion is a parent to all. Do not confuse compassion with weakness or a lack of reason. Compassion does not boast in the same way as judgement and pride, but it heals and paves better tracks for all. Rest assured, compassion is capable of saying no to monsters and disastrous ideas.
Heaven and nirvana cannot exist. There can be no existence without contrast. Heaven and nirvana imply a existence without contrast and reason tells me this cannot be. I achieve zen, from time to time, nirvana, fortunately, as you think of it, remains forever out of reach. I am not a Buddhist, Quill. I filter the world through something most akin to a 'philosophical' taoist lens. I do not invest in myths, labels, or conclusions. Everything is forever changing. I do however meditate.
Your daughter sounds like a wonderful woman, but she is not done 'turning out'. Neither are you and certainly neither am I. Compassion leaves one better prepared for changes than morality and pride. Judgment/condemnation is that erosion I spoke of earlier. It is indeed a human way, but the more one can so 'no' to it, the stronger and more content she becomes. That has been my experience anyways.
Like you, I used to think judgement would keep me safe. It did not. It kept me angry.
@prydefoltz,
As always, excellent comment. I think you and I should get paid by the word. We'd be rich!
I don't see passing judgement and being compassionate as being mutually exclusive.
To be honest, I'm not sure how one would navigate the world without passing judgement upon others. Gratitude, admiration, elevation, anger, contempt and disgust. That's the palette. It's how we determine the appropriateness of inter-personal interactions.
Surely, there are some people you trust more than others. If so, you had to pass judgement upon them in order to make such distinction. There are people you'd trust to babysit your child, others not so much. Such determination required passing judgement. When someone makes a First Impression on you (good or bad), that was the result of your passing judgement upon them.
Indeed, science tells us that we are judgement-making machines.
Compassion is in a separate sphere of emotions. I can have compassion for the victim of a natural disaster (on the other side of the planet) without having ever met that person, or having any expectation of doing so.
Compassion is not an "Other Judging Emotion," as most emotions aren't.
BTW, you're right, Nirvana is a Buddhist concept. I knew that and still made the mistake. My bad.
Interestingly, after our past few exchanges, I've been thinking about what you said about meditation. Specifically, the non-thinking part. The stilling of the mind. (I hope I'm describing it correctly.)
I wonder if that isn't simply a different path to the same place.
I spend countless hours thinking. Just sitting alone and thinking. About what? A lot of stuff, most of which has little practical application in the real world. But I enjoy it, and it does cause me to come to an understanding about, if nothing else, myself. I have done this for decades. Perhaps we simply practice different kinds of meditation.
Judgement is a loaded term and can be interpreted in many ways. When I speak of avoiding judgement, I do not speak against establishing preference in one's mind or even deeming certain actions by others harmful because they infringe on the freedoms and safety of others. I speak more to moralizing and condemning another as bad or evil. If I were a professional judge or a law-making, I would obviously have to spend time judging and weighing the importance of conflicting value systems to arrive at a judgement/law that was fair. As a human being, I evaluate circumstance and other people wrt to how I would prefer to spend my time ... I arrive at preference and avoidance. There are those who reach something akin to Buddha stance, those that take everyone and everything as it comes, but I do not think this a realistic expectation for most. The only Buddhas I have ever encountered were dogs. I kid you not.
I specifically speak of moralizing and condemning as having a dualistic relationship with compassion. If I have condemned an individual as evil and his undesirable behaviour as evil and not a result of conditions he had little control over, nature or nurture, then I am not practicing compassion. Compassion takes the venom out of decision making. Perhaps you might now see how moralizing can have no place alongside compassion. If I make decision based on moralizing, I might be led to punish and not just protect and remediate. Moralizing and condemnation leads to vengeance type thinking and compassion does not. Compassion leads to a more civilized and caring world, a safer world. Moralizing does not. If moralizing were going to work, it would have long before now. It is a rather popular approach to things.
The compassion I speak to is not specifically about a 'set of emotions'. Although it tends to create the purest of emotion, unconditional love. Empathy deals more in a 'set of emotions'. Compassion often comes from seeking to understand where another is coming from, you need not adopt their emotional stance. Indeed, I would recommend in the case of suffering states you do not. Compassion forms no enemies but empathy may. You may suffer while empathizing; compassion heals suffering. I know this might not be a dictionaries definition, but in the case of enlightenment practice, it is important to redefine the term and remove it from empathy. Empathy can exclude; compassion does not.
To meditation ... NO ... I mostly certainly mean sitting in a state of as little thought as possible. Thinking or more specifically ruminating (moralizing, condemning, and despairing) is the opposite of meditation. When you first begin you may realize that this is a far more challenging task then you ever thought possible, but if you persist, with time, an altered perspective is revealed to you and often zen is obtained. What you describe sounds delightful but it is not the meditation I speak of. You are creating or relaying thought. Depending upon the content of the thought, it could be a fulfilling pursuit, but it is not meditation.
Homework if you want ... Why don't you try to sit for as long as you can and see how long before a thought arises on its own? And when the thoughts do arise ... they will ... see if you can observe the thoughts and not engage and attach.