Poetry set I - SLOW LEARNER 4*31*18*3

WE ARE THE RESURGENCE OF THE WILL
one and only but still ordinary
with endless sounds on internet
with great thought edifiers and k-pop on one screen
with so much space but moving in such a moderation
so ligh and easy, and cultured
yet overwhelmed as no other generation before us
mine sing and dance and write incredible stories
divided we lay, united by invisible streams of energy
incredible technology and just as incredible loneliness
mine pump themselves with chemical love and patience
'cause times are tough and natural resources are in shortage
and we had to learn the difference between loneliness and alone time
´cause nobody could ever explain
we clutch on our father's smell to make awareness go away
but miserly trying to save it in - we're gasping, choking
the lungs go through a lot right now
part of the wholiness,you think?

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You're not missing, just missing out.

Apparently, whenever the church bells rang, he barked. And the priest would bark back at him. Can't say it was a friendship, but it was definitely a relationship.

Are you still carrying four different people with you every week?
I remember I questioned your higiene when we were together - the bed would always bend on your side, even though you weighed 20kg's less than me.
And I wondered: were you really learning at a faster pace, or were you just scared shitless of loneliness.

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cortisol
serotonin
fungi
bacteria
gut
brain
GUT
brain
GUT
brain
NEXT

let's go out and shake our bums to the sound of insecurity
or just step left-right-left to the tunzstumdrumbass
get a drink or two, feel betteeeeer

or have an honest pour-it-out with those who fed us both : bad food and bad habits
and throw on the table all of the pain and sorrow kept in those labeled containers
and give all the stories and clothes that do not fit or suit us anymore
and then, who knows, maybe feel better.

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the cat is gone again
no voices around, perfect for meditation one would think, only not
t's heavy, my thighs weigh tonns, my left foot supports all this weight while i'm crosslegged sitting on an office chair.
I sway and the foot feels stone fixed, some kind of very malleable material holds the leg and the foot together, no joints, i don't have joints
the right leg is my phantom limb.
Iliac crests almost touch the knees
The fingers move slowly to say what i wouldn´t be able to articulate in sound
My social intelligence is gone

I repeat in my head "I am not this, you know?" as if said to someone else
rehearsing for my grand speech.
about wholiness and detachments from old stories and how we can be anything
in between a thought cripples in " would i be whollier with medication?"

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i feel like my brain has detached itself from the scull and is hanging suspended,
gathering all of its mass at the top part of my head.
Floaty, jellyfish-like, with silky finishing.
I suck at translating bodily reactions into emojis,
but i insist on taking time to translate them into words.
Like, most of the time when I'm not replying- nothing comes to mind,
i just sit there with a happineness provoked lobotomy,
and smile.smile.
holy shit, i drift away so easily, so
discreetly. I first noticed this condition earlier on
when i analyzed the tension in my face;
now, later,
i realize I'm adrift in another symptom
mmm

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Lying on the bathroom floor
filthy toilet from under, on the outside
i swear i cleaned, but this is the first time i'm forced to face it this close, for this long.
i can see, for the first time where the water drips from.
It has been flooding the floor for months.
I watch the sufferer of floods.
It cracked and the wounds opened wide and proud.
I hear the water break its way through the rusty pipes.
The drops on the outside are a result of the tension on the inside.
Anxious waters need to move!
The solid physicality is not enough to prove them wrong.

                                                             E   Kuzubova