I personally like both versions - leaning toward the first version.
It is easy to suggest that this be revisited - but Steemit is such that I would strongly recommend that you do 'not' revisit it here but in a future post :c)
The contrasts are stark - but I do feel that a little bias against 'him' is felt. Even if he is indeed a villain, there is surely a more graceful way to present it. :c)
For some reason I felt inclined to give it a stab but I quickly ran out of steem. ;c)
"Two hearts - One encased within a hunk of rock, another adorned with a grain of sand."
Well done as always.
Hi there, @pathforger!
Thanks for the feedback! I must say that by 'revisiting' it I didn't really mean here, but eventually in general (in print?) some day...
as for the bias, yes, it is there, palpably there, but I can't really remember who the 'he-llain' is.
thanks for the lovely verse at the end - were it mine, it would fit perfectly!
Have an awesome day!