Talking to Myself. (A selfpoem)

That's me ..
in the past..
so many years ago.

It might as well be
a thousand lifetimes
between that me
and the now me
the me me.

I stare at myself
and I feel strange thoughts
because on that day
I was so happy
but I didn't realize it,
I thought I was sad

but

I didn't know sad
not really
not yet
but
it was coming
and I was not prepared

I was stupid and unworldly
but right on the brink
of the undeniable sink
of the ship that would sail
into shark-painted waters
and try to drown me

I reflect

In so many ways
it seems
that we just float away
without feeling the breath
upon our now

we don't know we have wings
attached to our dreams
we don't know it in time
to jump into the clocks
and tear the hands off

Now my coffee spills secrets
into an empty room
and nobody hears them

and no one cleans it up
except for me
me

I unspill the secrets
and
re-pour them
into a new glass
a new me
filled with new dreams
and new stupid things
to pass my time away
into the new now

And so I gaze at myself
in the then
and wish that I could go back in time
and tell myself then
what I didn't know yet
what I do know now

I can't. But if I could
I'd say a lot to myself

I'd tell me I'm not fat
and that I'm not as ugly
as I think
and that I don't need to color my hair
because it's not even gray yet

I'd tell myself to enjoy that tree
because one day it won't be there anymore
and one day I won't be there anymore
at least not as much
and I will miss it.

I miss it.

my head bounces from thought
to thought
effortlessly and yet struggling

I will lie down now
and dream about new wings
and I will toss a wish into the air
above my head, above my bed..

let me know when I'm wearing wings
let me not be so stupid about things
help me dream a new dream.

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