The return to duty of the melancholic soldier - Warrior Crypto Poet

I write this as I proceed through airport processes this morning after a fairly lonely return to the UK for just under a week. I barely saw my friends, stayed in overpriced hotels and tried to avoid pubs and too many people. 2018 needs to bring better days... an ‘honest poem’

“What do I really want to say?
I know that I shouldn’t, but I know I’ll do it anyway...
At times like these, nothing ever feels real.
What do I know that I should really feel?

Even the eyes of others as they connect mine
Shy away from my gaze in QuickTime,
Passengers, security, randoms all...
All makes me wonder: when was I lost and when did I fall?

An expansive, clinically bland apartment awaits,
Panoramic view over Aegean delights, yet suffocates,
An empty fridge and freshly cleaned surfaces.
A thousand miles, already my infected mind curses.

Work looms large and darkly tomorrow: festive banter,
Once more into the breach of bullshit so we canter...
‘How was your Christmas’? All those false smiles, faked laughs,
Jealousy of youth again, the choice of so many paths.

And yet, I sense my duty and my love for my kin, my people,
I’m not done yet, I’ve more yet to give, no matter what, I shall continue.
‘Soldier On’! my heart cries out to assuage my mental fears,
If only inner courage could find a way to dry my lonely tears.”