the yellow tail merlot

[yellow tail] because, well, there are several reasons:
1 buzzing on the last of wasmund's rye, it was only 8 p.m.
2 didn't want the liquor store guy to think i was an alcoholic
[was at his store last night]
3 so i went to walgreen's
4 [yellow tail] is the most non-shitty wine walgreen's has
at walgreen's, the man who checked out behind me
was the liquor store guy.

this all makes sense if you don't think about it
while experiencing merlot for the first time, again
[fucking kangaroos]

since everything else i write is laced with despair
hopeless doodles and doilies and sadly scribbled shit
i'll keep things hopeful here:
my mind shotgun-splattered onto a wall.
i'll turn my "nonpareil attention to detail"
toward something free of facts and dreamy
[what's that guy's name?]
i'll spare you the details about how
everything i do should be undone
everything i say should be unsaid
everything i write should be deleted
because the whole is overshadowed
by the desperate lightningclouds
hanging in a hopeless, liminal space that divides
blank from blank, both so goddamn certain about themselves
so, certitude settles in after half a bottle
a fully emptied vessel means omniscience, then?
i have things to say about things i shouldn't think about
i have thoughts about things i shouldn't talk about

this all makes sense if you don't think about it
while having a drink for the first time, again

i'd toast to your health
i'd drink to your success
but there's barely enough for me, my health, and my success
and i remember how you taught me
to think in terms of a false eternity
to act as if monitored by a false power
to live for a false reason to live

and i think i'd rather see your shotgun-splattered mind
splayed out in front of your headless corpse

this all makes sense,

[nemosum]

[nemosum]