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RE: Chaotic Mind & A Broken Heart

in #poetry7 years ago

Quite lovely!

If I could give one piece of criticism, I think you could have maintained the schema of "you" for the second stanza. Like so:

All that's left of you
are blurry images of your smiling face,
fading voices and sounds of your laughter
and a few hallucinating memories.

All that's left is you;
a little flickering spark on my heart
still longing for your presence.

I feel it rhythmically flows better.

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How did I miss it?
Thank you so much @littlezebra :) I've updated it!
This is why I love Steemit... Everyone is so supportive and generous.
This one got no response on my FB wall.
Thank you again!
Quitting FB soon lol :D

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