humility - a poem

humility will soften me
so that I need
no other weapon

-*-

Good morning everyone!

So this poem was written during a writing workshop I took earlier this year. It was a pretty intense experience for me because it was the first time I'd joined a group since finding out about my brain injury.

It was a lovely group, but rather intense for me to participate in at the time. Recovery was going well, but there were a lot of dynamics in the room that my brain struggled to keep track of. I wrote this poem because through that process I learned that I didn't really need to worry about that so much.

There are many things we can't control and in fact, there are many ways in which it's not our place to. We can and should cultivate our environments and decide what kind of experience we want to have. But sometimes, we can best live in the present moment by understanding that there are some things that are not our place to control.

My brain injury created a pretty hostile environment for me. Sounds, scents, and other things created a lot of pain in my body so I was constantly having to navigate and juggle many things to function. But as my brain healed, I had to relax into my environment more. I had to become more flexible, which my brain wasn't allowing me to do before.

When I wrote this poem, I was thinking of how strange it was that I was so worried about being hurt, but that by being more flexible and open I would actually strengthen my brain's ability to navigate stressful situations. I think I hit on something that made me realize that if I was truly at home in my body, I would feel safer, and thus stronger and more capable than I had been when I was on edge all the time.

I think with this poem I was trying to express that humility can balance us out so that we can see ourselves in context better. Through humility and peacefulness, I can see my inherent power rather than trying to dodge stress. By accepting a humble place in my world, I can do great things and love myself as a great person. Being flexible allows me greater capacity to cultivate my environment rather than holding on too tight. I can always leave a situation I don't like and being humble allows me greater freedom to do that.

I rather like this poem a lot. It represents a pivotal moment for me in my recovery.

xo
Ciel