My_Anger_With_Hurt...

My anger with hurt and my hurt with anger.
How I'll do anything not to be angry
Was it a good thing to be obsessed with a life without pain
A life free of hurt?
Was it wrong the day I failed to realise my hurts.
Was I wrong when I didn't admit my pain?
Did I empty all the hope and love and beauty of "everything is fine" for a camouflage hurt?

Source
This love was a mind made love and I knew it.
This love was one I thought of,for I needed it badly.
So I turned the hurt into love cus i couldn't believe i was being broken; No! Of course I couldn't have been;for my love was so deep that yours didnt have to be called "hurt"

So I've carried the hurt-love in my heart and anytime I saw hurt drawing nigh I cast it away into that cage where my love is;the cage of hurt with the gate of love.

Source
Now I didn't have to be mindful of it because unconsciously they found their way in there.when I reach in for them ,I see the gate and I wonder what's in there.ive believed i have no hurt .and I've believed I'm rid of hurt.

I've been cheerful and pleased.for it was with my effort I turned hurt into hurtLOVE so I enjoy my hardwork in the very -dream I did then "turning"

Now there were days I woke up.And I knew in me contained pain.then off I go into slumber again.
I gave my love selflessly forgetting my love was contaminated by the hurts in the cage.

Now I'm dying gradually. It's either I'm loosing interest or I'm loosing my soul.
I'm allergic to hurt..

I sacrificed my friends joy ,happiness,peace , so I may not be hurt
Stopped caring about myself sometimes,so that I'm not hurt.

But I want a change now.i wanna go back in time and be broken by that hurt turned love.
the cage I kept them all that was to break me. I'm ready. I want to free them all and burn the cage.i need to believe I was hurt.

I'm afraid I can feel me turning into something.
Today I was going to cast a hurt away. .but I would be loosing a friend if I did;then I realised,

Every hurt I escaped went away with the care I had for those I loved. Are they not the ones to hurt? Because they are humans?
But then it's not a crime to be hurt?
And I accepted to be hurt.i want to be hurt now.i need to be broken by it to bring back my care and my love.i thought I loved. No it was an infested one.

I need to learn how to take it and how to live with it.
and my anger with hurt and my hurt with anger..the extent i will run away from hurt.. (and that's where I stopped writing.....) ....................

Ever had to convince yourself everything is fine over and over again till your sense of panick fear and pain are all suspended somewhere in your imaginations... to the point you feel lazy to reach out for them .but when you start seeing tears on everyones eyes because they think you are dead..you realise the hurt you are causing Then you decide to live out of your imagination u accept "everything is not fine "..that's a summary.

......my name is Karen.