Cognitive Dissonance (pt. 2) - Poem

As you choke me

so many thoughts race through my mind-

how you stole me,

plucked me from the miniscule parts of society only to place me

in this complex web of 

deceit, 

lies,

sex,

drugs,

rock n' rave - 

open wounds and 

pastry dishes filled with food you'd never eat

that I slaved over to cook for you -

I LOVED YOU!!!

Yes, I love you, but love gets you nowhere when

two people love each other so much

that they end up loving each other too much

and one person's love turns to lust,

then disgust,

then hate -

Is that it, 

do you hate me?

Do you hate me for what I've "made" you,

for the darkened parts I illuminated that you never realized were there?

When you raped me did you do it for kicks 

or for the internal damage and 

the realization that you knew I would never be able to leave you again,

like a seal branded into my body

making me yours

because I'd be too broken to see

that anybody else could possibly deserve me,

that I could possibly deserve better?

Because now I can never see myself

with anyone but you.

And it's sick.

And it hurts.

And I'm so lost and confused and 

I can't see out of this tunnel we both digged into 

and I don't know who to blame

even though it's obvious

considering I was only thirteen when you met me.

You raised me.

And now I'm just a pile of bones.