hope + clarity
every single affair is a unique one.
we must treat them all with dignity, fondness and respect.
when we meet roadblocks, we must persevere and drive on,
constantly searching for ways to resolve any conflict that may arise in the process.
we must not give up.
we must have hope in our hearts.
hope is the one thing that we have to hold on to.
i have not given up hope on us.
on the contrary, something clicked in my head tonight.
i lost sight of the motto that i established in january,
after my return from my home country.
it was so close, we were literally sitting on the tipping point.
but somehow, we managed to save ourselves from mass destruction.
my motto being, "only out of acts of love, do we really find true love".
i admit this is not infatuation. lust? well, hell yes.
keeping the fire burning is never one of our problems.
but i must also admit that i never fell "head over heels" for you.
not really, not in the conventional sense.
which is why we could make this work, in spite of all our differences.
because this isn't just a random, coincidental torrid affair that we picked up after spending two minutes together.
this is a random, coincidental problematic affair that we were willing to take a shot at because we were at that right stage and frame of mind.
at least for me it was.
i believe it's time for me to really understand what commitment stands for.
what companionship means. how it feels to be with someone for real.
someone who you can count on to be there at the end of the day,
marking the end of all mind games.
those, i've had enough. now, i only wish to love.
no more masochistic tendencies. to hell with those.
why did i pick you?
i pick you because i know you have a good heart.
i pick you because i know that this is a challenge.
i pick you because i would like to experience something new, something different.
you are by far, the only person i invested this much physical, mental and emotional energy on.
you also, have met me at the right time.
at a time where i'm sick and tired of all the frivolous affaire de physique.
at a time where i'm ready to try my hand at commitment.
at a time where i'm learning to trust again.
and i know that you are one that i can trust.
because you have a good heart.
because you are real, as i've mentioned a million times before.
you are a real person that i hate to deal with everyday, but i can't bear the thought of not dealing with you everyday.
a real person that i throw things at because you've said something stupid,
a real person that gets on my nerves 99% of the time,
a real person that i'm not afraid to say what's on my mind to,
a real person that i want to see everyday so i can roll my eyes,
a real person that i can truly connect with over italian cuisine,
a real person that feels like family to me,
a real person that i want to roll around in bed with for only half a day,
you are a real person that's so much more,
so much more than words can describe.
i just experienced a moment of clarity.
you know that space where everything simply clicks,
in your head, your heart, your soul.
a moment where no particular emotion prevail,
only a sense of calmness and peace.
we shall continue our exploring together.
i shall concentrate on my motto once again...
and try to live in the moment and appreciate all that i have now.