I am watching this at 3 am...
Steroid induced activity and pain usually have me up early these days, my circadian rhythm apparently, the adrenal glands scream you awake at 3 because the body should be producing life essential cortisol which has been suppressed by usage and induced adrenal insufficiency that nearly also killed me last year through medical negligence.

They told me it was a 300 km run that did it (it didn't do me any favours), but it was there since childhood. Multiple laryngeal collapse at 2 and 3 (connective tissue disorder missed, was blamed on tantrums), wrongly labelled at 8 with rheumatoid arthritis, teenager pelvic instability (was told my left leg was shorter when my pelvis was actually dislocated)..., first pregnancy told ligament pain normal (pelvic and rib dislocation the whole time), postpartum disaster when again missed (bpad2 was thrown in the mix too which was not the case, with catastrophic outcomes MUPPETS! OF THE WORST KIND .

Second pregnancy 10 years later, determined to do everything right. I was super fit and active. Biathlons, competition swimming, cycling running... A return to fitness had restored my life. The pregnancy did trigger problems or maybe stop me. I was obsessed with running. Running literally from everything. 8 weeks postpartum I ran my first "fun run" only 7 kms, my knees were not OK. But the only coping strategy I knew was exercise and I had so much to process, and the treadmill made everything make sense and I felt powerful.
So I signed up for, not a marathon...but 7 marathons in a week in seven different cities.

That was July 2016. I came home broken, and didn't really get better. I got a little bit better, I made it to work now and then but I struggled to get through a shift. I had done a lot of damage to joints that didn't have the support of normal connective tissue, but I was still yet to be diagnosed. I still didn't know I had this disorder.

I knew I had problems before the run. I went to a hand physio for compression gloves because my hands swelled and hurt when I ran and I couldn't keep my right thumb in place it popped out all the time. I have degeneration in both hands I know that now, and also dysautonomia which effects peripheral flow blah blah...

Dysautonomia also meant my heart rate was crazy. Before I even took one step on a treadmill my pulse was 140, it always went over 200 when I ran. I knew these things but I didn't know they were all related, and I ignored them.

I dislocated my knee's in the 2nd marathon and my right hip in the 5th. I don't even document that in my epic post linked above. Dislocations I thought were fairly normal, just pop it back in. I held my hip in for the last marathon, and ran on stress fractures.

I was finally diagnosed with Ehlers danlos syndrome last year and had a couple of dura tears repaired, which was necessary but distracted from my spine damage treatment that is a huge problem. I hope this is the time to address that now.

I had never written a poem before I landed in this and on steemit. Now everything flows in verse and it is my path to follow this process through. I know it is. Lady Robyn of eggs has been instrumental in this for me too, as has the Soul of Ren, and the prophet sir Clay of boyn.

I can not reference the raven here. I will message you. I will tell you that watching your video made me cry.
I want to be held in the claws of that raven again.
To feel precious and worth treasuring.
I want to feel the safety as he carry's me to the very end of the journey.
I want him to hold on tight like he did.
When I am weak, not let go.
Not to release me mid flight and turn on wing to not even witness the fall.
I want to soar the sky together and feel like a treasure not a burden to carry.
I want to feel I belong in those claws where divinity is not an abstraction.