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RE: "Adieu ... but not forgotten" (poem & artile) >>> Thanking The Teachers That Change Our Children's Lives
I love seeing my husband with the kids working on school related stuff, or teaching them any number of things from music to astronomy. It really instills a lasting interest born out of their love of his company and interest in them. It starts at the earliest of age with a bedtime book. The challenge is keeping it going, this is no simple task, and a testament to your commitment not only to your daughters education but to your relationship.
@girlbeforemirror,
You're right. I've been trying to convince Dads for years that they're missing out on something big ... parenting.
Maleness is, notoriously, unreasonable. We have a higher tolerance for "things blowing up." But, "things blowing up," while admittedly dangerous from time-to-time (I could tell you stories), also creates intense interest. It creates passion. It's not boring.
"Don't tell your Mother," is one of the most powerful bonding tools in the history of parenting ... and the most insightful Moms play along (they always end up finding out anyway).
Take heart, once it becomes established, it becomes permanent. My daughter and I are best friends. We love each other ... but we also like each other. Other parents seem astonished about the things she shares with me. And, all of her friends do likewise. Katie's friends will often text her saying, "Go ask your Dad what he thinks about ..."
Fathers have a unique ability to create intense bonds with their children ... if only they'd make the effort. This does not, in any way, diminish Mothers ... the dynamics are different. It's a different kind of bond. And, we shouldn't be jealous of one another.
As evidence-of-the-assertion, I would challenge you to go back and look at the comments section of a dozen blog posts in which you discuss your illness. Do you notice a pattern? The women comfort you. The men encourage you to fight. I'll bet you need a bit of both.
I know, I know ... this stinks of the politically-incorrect idea of "gender roles." I couldn't give a hoot. If people can't accept the blatantly obvious fact that maleness and femaleness is different, and hence fathering and mothering by extension, then that's their problem. Such people tend to comment on my relationship with Katie, saying, "Well ... you were lucky." I have, over the years, tutored many of their children because they cannot be in the same room as their kids without argument. I seem to "get lucky" with their kids as well.
Throw out the "parenting books" ... Nature Knows (inside joke for Marg and me).
Quill
We play our roles seemingly unconsciously, but we do have an awareness of the different attributes we contribute, both through gender roles and through our very different personalities and professional backgrounds, (not to mention utilising the occasional good cop bad cop strategy).
We are very different. We have joked that if we were of the current generation the online dating algorithms wouldn't have matched us as compatible at all.
I think dissolving gender roles has the potential to leave us all feeling like we don't deliver. We try to be everything.
My kids are 10 yrs apart in age. No one asked me the first time round what parenting model we were using. Second time a different story. My answer -
Unconditional love, an attempt at consistency and have never hit them. The consistency one is not always easy, they know they can wear me down sometimes, especially when I'm tired. I am also guilty of utilising feigned disappointment from time to time as well, I'm far from perfect.
On the striking issue - If I'm not allowed to strike anyone else in society without possible litigation, What sort of message does it send them if they are the exception to the rule? I equally don't care if other people disagree with my stance on that one. I had to instruct grandparents very directly on that rule.
@girlbeforemirror,
Very insightful and very well said.
Excellent point and I agree with you totally. Physicality is a sign of poor leadership.
Although, to be fair, I should admit to the employment of some degree of brute force. When I started tutoring my daughter and her friends (mostly girls and mostly math), I armed myself with a light saber (green, I'm a Jedi). Within a matter of months, they were all equally armed (and it was their mothers who armed them ... so much for there'd be no wars if women ruled the world).
On occasion, I have found myself dueling with 8-9 girls on the 12th Hole of the golf course behind my condo. I do not surrender, irrespective of the odds, and, in the end ... I always end up chasing the whole lot to 13th Hole amidst a lot of screaming.
As I have explained to their mothers, inevitably skeptical about my unorthodox teaching techniques, I will either make them very smart or very strong. And, if they can't be the former, they will need the latter. They're all Straight A's in Advanced Classes ... and increasingly, very good swordswomen.
Quill