Golden angel babe . Poetry day 27. Steemit poetry school 100 days of poetry with @d-pend.

in poetry •  7 months ago

To shoulders hangs her locks of gold
She is my darling one,
Her eyes of liquid sapphires
Lit like the shining sun.

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I long to shield her all her days
Away from any harm,
To keep concealed would not be right
I'd rob the world of charm.

I know she can do anything
I hope she sees that too,
Of all the things that life will bring
The best resides in you.

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pixabay images.


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Hello,
To shoulders hangs her locks of gold

This line is awkward for me because I believe 'hangs' should be 'hang' because the locks are what hang and they are plural which would meet the verb should be without an S at the end.

Also,
To keep concealed would not be right

Although this works, for me saying 'to colceal' might work better because it is less wordy and less awkward.

Finally,
I'm not sure you need the commas in the middle of the stanzas. They seem like an unneeded addition. Periods might be more appropriate as well in place of the commas.

I have this exact sentiment for my children. Great poem. 😎

Great photography.i appreciate steemit education.
Thanks for sharing valuable post

The dilemma - to protect and yet still allow to shine. How to handle? Write beautiful poetry about it :)

All i would say this time around is that you are an inspiration... Inspiration to be able to come up with everything new daily..

I guess golden angel babe would be your daughter. And I bet she's so beautiful. Nice

your words like a soothing dew
sweet like sugar and hissing as warm as sunlight at dhuha time.
I love hearing your poetry.
keep writing @girlbeforemirror

I bet your daughter loved this.

I long to shield her all her days
Away from any harm,
To keep concealed would not be right
I'd rob the world of charm.

Beautiful words and photos for Day 27:)